A Soul’s Journey – 56

“Over and Over Again……..”

The Universe sets up little scenarios, especially for us, to help us grow.

Yes, you have heard it all before, life is a classroom.

If we don’t pass the test the first time, we will have to take the test again.

And again, and again, if we don’t learn the lesson.

I married quite young – at 23 years of age.

I had gone straight from being a daughter at home with my parents to being a wife, pregnant with my first child, six months after our wedding.

Reflecting one day on my marriage, it occurred to me that like my client – I kept choosing to do the same thing, over and over again, and it had finally been one time too many.

The Universe was giving me a lesson, and I was reacting the same way each time.

It took me a very long time to work out the decision I was making wasn’t in my best interest and it was time to choose differently.

I had chosen to put someone else’s happiness ahead of mine.

I didn’t know any better.

This is life – lessons can come in any shape or size and big life lessons are given to us – solely to us, as an individual for our unique soul’s growth.

I have worked out that this decision I kept making was all about self-worth or lack of it in my case.

Someone else’s happiness was more important than mine.

I had realized that every time we moved, I had sacrificed something I had loved, for my husbands’ job.

Now, this is not going to be a blog of self-pity – I am just bringing to light my shadow so I can help to illuminate yours.

There is no blame here – I chose to do that – it was my decision.

At not one moment of my 24-year marriage had I ever stood in my power – preferring to give my power away to another, to happily let someone else make all the decisions.

Now I’m not going into the reasons of why I may have adopted that pattern – I would be here til 2050!

I’m merely highlighting a behavioral pattern so you can become aware of yours – whatever they may be.

Each time I sacrificed my desires and needs – I sacrificed my power and I felt it.

Each time I gave away my power by letting someone else make a decision that wasn’t in line with my truth, I could feel it as a physical pain – in the guts – every time I denied myself happiness, I felt like someone was kicking me in the guts.

The solar plexus chakra which is the seat of your power sits at the bottom of the sternum, just at the end of the esophagus – and this is exactly where I would feel the pain and the worst thing is I blamed others for my pain.

Whereas the reality was, I was solely responsible for the pain.

By not honoring my needs, not articulating my needs, by putting someone else’s happiness over mine – I was only hurting myself.