I’ve always been a bit of a free spirit – freedom, and independence have always been important to me but for some reason, I have never chosen freedom and independence – I have chosen to be tied down and co-dependent.
As I said earlier, I went from being a child, a daughter in my parent’s home, to being a wife – I have never experienced independence.
When I look back now, I sort of see what it means to have built a life on unstable foundations.
Yes, we were in love, madly and deeply, that was undeniable, but we are two individual people wanting two unique and different experiences – I can see that now.
I know that being in a partnership does require a certain amount of sacrifice as two individuals create a life based on both their wants and desires – but there has to be equal give and take. If this is compromised then the tower will fall.
I now realize I wasn’t being true to myself.
I was 23, making a choice to be married for the rest of my life.
I was actually at a funeral recently and had a realization. During the eulogy, they spoke of a love that lastest a lifetime, a marriage of some 65 years.
I must admit, that hit me hard.
To me it represented love, but it also represented a chosen experience, a choice.
No one needs a partner to complete them – we are already complete. Yes, it is lovely to have someone to share the experience with, and happy days if that happens, but I do think so many of us put pressure on ourselves to find love in someone else when I feel the greatest love of all is self-love.
There’s no right or wrong – it’s how you want to experience it.
We are love at our core – already whole and complete – if we chose to share that love in holy matrimony according to what I believe our outdated rules and traditions, then that is our choice, if we chose not to, then that’s ok too.
Is it possible to share a beautiful long-lasting love without the caveats marriage creates?
Is it possible to share a long and meaningful relationship in your unique way?
To me, it made me question whether I just wanted to experience marriage or did I want to experience what I had always craved, freedom and independence?
Did I want just one experience in my life, or did I want many?
Did I want one partner in my life, or did I want many?
I felt I was in my garden looking beyond at a world of new and exciting possibilities – all I had to do was open the back gate and step outside.
Could I be that brave??
Or was I just being plain stupid?