She hadn’t thought about making love for a long time. Her healing and spiritual work now occupied most of her days and her experiences with Beircheart made her shudder at the thought.
The rituals that involved the women were of a highly sexual nature, but she didn’t think of them as making love. She saw them as a necessary part of transcendence and her spiritual practice.
She enjoyed it immensely and it did make her orgasm, and she used this energy to transform her own.
Sexual energy was very powerful and when harnessed correctly could be used for all manner of things.
The way to connect to this energy was through pleasure and touch. It was possible to orgasm without penetration and she had become adept at this.
Inanna would combine the breath of yoga and meditation to aid the process and call in the women to pleasure her at times too. This was all part of sacred practice and was to be done only on the marble altar in the water temple.
Inanna knew the importance of channelling this energy and directed it to enrich her life and raise her conscious awareness.
Sex after all was the driving force of nature, the essence of creation, passion and artistic expression.
Women, the vehicles of life, emulate the divine mother Gaia, who gives birth to all.
She knew we were all sexual beings and she knew the path of sexual transformation.
It was not about denial, over-indulgence or repression.
It was about acknowledgement: acknowledgement of yourself as a sexual being.
It was about acceptance and honouring your sexual energy. It was a part of you and couldn’t be repressed or destroyed no matter how hard you tried.
Inanna knew that this very primal energy was part of her very essence and she needed to integrate it for wholeness and completion.
A part of her energy was repressed under the control of Beircheart and she was in the process of calling it back.
The crowd all got to their feet and ran wildly after the King and all of his men, shouting and clapping frantically.
She stood in the square until the dust settled and the crowd emptied.
She watched as he made his way up the long hill and disappeared behind the palace gates.
He did indeed command attention.
He too had presence and she was sure he was not to be trifled with.
“I heard you made quite the scene in the square today Inanna”, said Lilith later that evening.
“News travels fast. Let me guess, Mrs Emmett?” she smiled.
“Oh not only her Inanna, I’m afraid you were the talk of the town. You may well be for centuries to come”.
“What did you think of the King?” she asked curiously.
She was interested because she’d heard Inanna describe Eamon at length and knew the King shared strong similarities – well in looks anyway.
That’s where it ended.
“Guarded. With a heart as cold as a dungeon” she said dramatically with a smirk on her face.
She was sure just by looking at him there lay a treasure trove of secrets and betrayal inside. She felt him to be emotionally void and unable to express himself. It was as though his heart had been closed tight for years, as he shielded himself from love and happiness should he get hurt.
All that aside, she saw something within him.
She felt something too.
And for the life of her she couldn’t stop thinking about him all day. She would brush the thoughts aside and then out of nowhere she would catch herself thinking about him again.
“Who was this man, and what did he want with her?”
She was sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would play a starring role in the story of her life.
After healing and meditation, she went to bed and drifted off with one thing on her mind
Inanna recognized him instantly although they had never met before.
‘He’s back”, she thought in her mind.
He was gorgeous, there was no other word for him.
He was striking. Dark and brooding with big brown eyes, olive skin and shoulder length curly black hair – just her type.
He was younger than she thought he would be.
He was rattled, unhinged and stared intently right through her.
She remained unmoved, her eyes locked firmly on his.
He was taken aback by her doggedness, perplexed by her confidence – he’d never come across anyone like her.
His footman raised his hand, “Step aside for the King” he roared, sending shockwaves through the crowd.
No one was game to look up, should they have their head chopped off.
No one spoke to the King, without being spoken to first.
Inanna turned her head to look at him. She raised an eyebrow and stood firmly to the spot.
The sound of the horses armour and their frequent snorts the only thing audible now.
Inanna retained her composure, unrattled and unmoved she looked back at the King, a wry smile gracing her lips.
After what seemed like an eternity she stepped aside, just enough to let the horse through and at the last minute, taking her cue form her beloved Eamon, bowed her head and made a dramatic and over the top curtsy.
The horses were kicked into motion, disdain lingered in their wake.
She didn’t bother changing, and unbeknownst to her, she had a cute little soil mark running down the side of her cheek. Her hair was scruffy from the gardening, but she still looked radiant. Even if she were dressed in rags she would look beautiful. She still had her dirty apron on over her pretty white dress.
Lilith wondered if she was doing this on purpose.
She had a strange habit of wanting to irk those in power, shake things up a little. She liked to push the boundaries and did so when she could.
Lilith loved this about Inanna, she liked a woman with a little tenacity, a little pizazz.
One shouldn’t be too serious all the time.
Inanna shoved some old clippings in the pocket of her apron, brushed her hair into place with her forearm and started the long walk down to the village.
The energy was palpable and even Mother Nature had turned on a show for the King.
Yes, everything was going in his favour today.
There were people everywhere. Not only was the entire village out but it seemed everyone within a hundred mile radius was there too.
The flags were hoisted high and everyone had donned their finest rags to welcome King Silas home.
There was excitement and anticipation and not only amongst the adults, the children were hysterical too, running around hurriedly, big smiles on their faces.
The crowd were gathered in the square and along the road all the way to the castle of the King.
There were little stalls set up, showing off the local farmers’ produce and the wares of the local tradesmen. The villagers needed to let King Silas know the town had prospered even when he was gone and they had all done their very best to ensure the village still remained good enough for the King.
Inanna greeted everyone warmly. She noticed they were all looking a little bemused as she wandered through the streets. Never before had they seen her so slovenly. She was always so well groomed.
Still, dressed as she was, she still garnered looks from everyone.
It was the way she held herself, the way she caught your eye – she was confident, yet graceful, powerful yet gentle, a real enigma.
She had presence.
She knew it and so did everyone around her.
When Inanna stood firmly in her feminine essence it was a sight to behold.
You could feel it and you could see it.
The street leading up to the square was packed.
Everyone was chattering excitedly, there were squeals of delight coming from the little children, and people were gesticulating wildly.
King Silas must be close now.
Inanna could see Mrs Emmett right up there in the front row, making sure she didn’t miss a thing, she would be talking about this moment for years to come.
As she made her way through the town square the energy changed.
A hurried silence graced the crowd and everyone moved to the side.
They all bowed down on one knee and Inanna was taken by surprise.
She hadn’t met a King before and certainly wasn’t told about the protocol when one arrived.
Before she knew it she was standing face to face with the King’s horse.
Inanna’s response was natural and easy.
The horse was riled up and rearing wildly.
She grabbed him by the bridle and whispered, “There, there you beauty. It’s ok”
She stroked the side of his face until he calmed.
He was exquisite, a beautiful, big, black stallion. Dark, stubborn and wild just like his rider it would turn out.
The crowd watched on aghast. What was this mad woman doing?
“He’s beautiful. I’ve never seen his equal. What’s his name?”
The King’s arrival had every single person in the village feverish, everyone in the village, except Inanna. She found the whole thing comical.
She had never held much respect for the establishment, everyone was equal after all, and she didn’t care much for rules, preferring to play by her own.
Everyone was running around maniacally painting, fixing the cobblestones, planting things, grooming things – they had to make everything perfect for the return of the mighty King Silas.
Inanna had been summoned to the castle numerous times that week.
She had to make sure all the horses were in tip top shape and everyone in the palace healthy.
There couldn’t be anyone or anything in less than perfect working order.
“Who was this man who commanded so much attention?” she wondered.
She smirked as she made her way back to her beloved temple, far from the madness of the castle and the village. There were some beautiful spring flowers she collected in the fields outside the castle on her walk home.
Flowers and candles were Inanna’s favourite things.
She felt so happy and content.
She had transformed the temple into a place of beauty and warmth.
Everyone who walked through her doors immediately felt peace and calm. They felt they had a safe space to heal and a trusted confidante to tell their deepest worries and desires to.
Inanna could be trusted and all those who came to her for healing knew this.
It was a new day – the big day.
Inanna had been busy this morning in the garden. She had never been that keen on gardening although both Eamon and her sister Frances were both avid gardeners, so she had learnt some tricks along the way. It was such an exquisite day she just wanted to be outside amongst nature.
This, beside the temple was her favourite place to be.
She often took long strolls beyond the village like she used to when she was a little girl.
She knew her way around very well now.
The energy of the village had been growing steadily throughout the morning and by lunchtime it was positively frantic.
“Are you going down to the village for the arrival of the King Inanna?”
“Well I might have to Lilith, I simply must see for myself what all the fuss is about”
It had been years since Inanna was brought to the Village of Nor – broken, battered and bruised but she had managed to transform herself from broken woman to fearless warrior.
She diligently followed her practice and the guidance of Lilith and all those around her. She knew everyone she encountered on her path was a guide.
She liked to play a game where she imagined herself as the only person on the planet – everyone else was an actor in her play – there to teach her and help her grow.
She was now able to see the beauty in all – for all contained the gift of the holy spirit within.
Everyone was presented to her at exactly the right time and in exactly the right place.
Eamon, her sisters, her mother and father, Ren and Lilith, William Able and Old man Tom, why even Beircheart.
Every experience she encountered taught her something about herself. She learned to dance with the flow of life rather than waste her energy fighting against it.
She knew she held the power.
She was the great alchemist.
She was in charge of turning the lead to gold, the negative to positive.
The power lay within.
The power lay within each and every one of us.
Ren and Inanna had taken a short stroll to the village.
It was a spectacular day. The first whispers of spring evident in the new growth on the trees, the music of the birdsong and the warmth in the wind.
Spring was unfolding and there seemed to be an air of excitement amongst the Villagers.
They stopped by William Able’s for a hug and a chat. When you received a hug from William it was like having your whole being shrouded in love.
They visited the florist, Fleur, the grocer and the candle maker. Inanna loved candles and there were always plenty in the temple.
As they made their way back through the village, arms laden with fresh produce and plenty of candles, they passed Mrs Emmett. They looked at each other and smiled a knowing smile. They tried to bow their heads and hurry past but it was always tricky to pass by unnoticed.
“Have you heard the news?”, she shrieked,
“The King, the King is returning”.
She was mildly hysterical.
“Aah, the elusive King Silas, so he wasn’t a figment of everyone’s imagination after all”, Inanna said quietly, a tiny smirk gracing her lips.
Inanna’s popularity was growing and she began to hold healing circles for the local community.
She would combine her love of music to help heal and uplift, connecting with people’s deepest emotions, bringing then to the surface and setting them free.
People felt a little lighter, a little brighter after they had seen Inanna.
The people trusted her completely and went to her for all manner of things: dream interpretation, astrology readings, healings and meditation. She held women’s circles, new moon and full moon circles. She started teaching all those who wanted to learn and they could see the benefits it brought almost instantly.
There were those who went home and took action and there were those who didn’t.
Those who didn’t were always disappointed when they came back for a reading and nothing had changed.
“You have to work with the Universe” she would say, “it’s not going to do all the work for you”, she would laugh.
Inanna started forming very solid relationships with all those she taught and healed.
Life in the village sustained her in a way she didn’t think possible.
Healing had brought richness and meaning to her life again.
She knew that all she had endured in her life, the good and the bad, had brought her to this place, this exact moment in time and she felt blessed and so very fortunate.
Her days were different now.
She no longer thought of the past as much but tried to remain as present as she could, preferring to look at each new day as a gift, a chance to start anew, to be re-born.
Eamon was never far from her heart and she never lost hope and prayed daily that she would be reunited with him in this lifetime. She stayed positive and only thought of the happy memories the two shared.
She thought of her family too, her sisters and her mother. They would be older now and she wondered what had become of them. She also prayed that she would be reunited with them at some stage.
She had forgiven her father and Beircheart and she had freed herself of all pain. She still held both in her prayers and offered them love and healing light. She hoped with all her heart there was not another woman at the end of Beircheart’s fists, or worse.
Love was the ultimate healing energy, very powerful indeed, capable of miracles.
She had started the journey back home, and now it was impossible to know of any other way of being, always seeking, always learning, always growing.
She would spend hours in the scared temple atop the altar.
The nymphs would prepare her body for ritual.
They would strip her naked and stand her in the sacred water. They would wash her clean, each and every part of her, and once clean she would make her way up to the marble altar.
The practice took place either during the daylight or under the lunar light depending on what she was intending to transform.
Her energy work was as important to her as breathing and it was her desire to teach as many people as she could about their incredible energetic bodies.
Once people became aware of this, their lives would change forever.
They would open themselves up to a world of magic and wonder. They would see themselves for who and what they were – incredible beings capable of instant manifestation and profound transformation.
Fear and anger, jealousy and rage would disappear and in its place, gratitude and love, trust and faith.
Inanna’s spiritual practice kept her calm and peaceful and connected her to source energy – the energy of pure love and the source of all life.
When she connected she became one with the divine, the great creator, and this was a great source of power, available not only to her but to anyone and everyone.
Once connected she could receive clear guidance: guidance in its purest form: guidance that would align her to her truth.
Opening up and connecting with source energy allowed her to receive an influx of divine wisdom and knowledge that she, in turn could use to light the way ahead not only for herself but for others too.
Connecting with the divine feminine energy was an act of worship, to oneself and Mother Earth, the Divine Mother. It is the energy of giving birth – not only to procreate but to give birth to new ideas, expressions and dreams.
The Divine Feminine is part of all – man and woman and Inanna knew the importance of creating an equal balance between her masculine and feminine energies, for once she had a balance of these, the kundalini energy could rise.
She knew too that her sexual energy was her life force energy.
When Inanna connected with this energy she felt vital. Creative surges would follow and she felt confident and self-assured.
The practice only involved women at this stage as she still carried the scars of Beircheart.
It took a long time for her to even allow a woman to touch her, but she did understand the importance of allowing this to happen and not closing herself off to this aspect of herself completely.
She had enjoyed making love to Eamon and was sure she could learn to trust men again, but it would be some time before she would allow a man to enter her sacred temple.
The main castle was surrounded by beautiful, manicured courtyards and there were people scurrying about everywhere.
They held brooms, bridles even loaves of bread. It was a hive of activity in there.
Inanna was hopeful the guard would stay with her and show her the way back once she’d finished as she would surely be lost inside these palace walls forever if she had to find her own way out.
They took so many twists and turns. They went down alleyways, up stairs, down stairs and through tunnels until eventually they made their way to the stables.
The stables were breathtaking. Eamon would have loved it here.
It was a far cry from the modest stables at her father’s home. These were something else all together.
They were bigger than her home. They had proper rooves with gables and each horse had its own little stable. It was out of this world.
The guard introduced Inanna to a lovely older gentleman, Bryan Thomas. He looked after the horses and the stables.
He gave a nudge and a wink and said, “Everyone round ‘ere calls me Tom, love”
He was in a bit of a panic. If he lost a horse while King Silas was away he would be out of a job in a second. Inanna was his last hope. He had tried everything and everyone in the village.
Inanna made her way gently to the mare. She was an old thing but Inanna felt sure she had a few good years left in her yet.
It was a wound that had been left to fester, causing discomfort in the horse and seemed to be spreading quite quickly now.
She was a natural and the horse settled in her presence immediately. She even lay down for her.
Old Tom couldn’t believe his eyes, this mare was a stubborn old lady and had not quietened down for anyone, in fact it was quite the opposite. She reared and snorted and pawed the ground when anyone came near her.
For Inanna she lay still.
The two of them spent some time just being, together. Inanna wanted to get to know her first. She could feel the energy in humans and could also feel it in animals. It was a real gift and one she was grateful for.
After she had spent some time with the horse she went and washed up and mixed some herbs to dress the wound. Once this was done, the horse would be right in no time. The wound itself wasn’t all that bad, it was the horses temperament that needed the most work.
Inanna had extraordinary empathy for all things. It did make things hard at times, but as she matured she learnt to work with this ability quite comfortably.
It was this the horse likely picked up on: her calmness, her knowingness, her empathy. She could read horses as well as she could read humans.
She was very confident the horse would improve dramatically within the next twenty-four hours and promised Old Tom she would be back to check on her as often as she could. She would change the dressing daily for the next week.
As promised she visited the castle daily and by day six the old mare was as good as new. Inanna was desperate to hop on, it had been years since she had ridden and it was something she missed daily. Old Tom thought the two of them should go for a ride, to test her out, see if she was back to her old self.
Inanna thought this was a great idea and didn’t even bother checking with Lilith first as surely she would say no.
The old mare was a little sensitive and touchy, so Inanna decided to ride bare back. They wouldn’t be going far or for very long.
Old Tom was amazed at how easily Inanna made the horse a bridle out of rope. He helped her up, she felt a wave of happiness she hadn’t felt for ages, this old mare would take good care of Inanna, she could feel it.
They rode a short way through the castle then out into the open fields. Inanna was careful not to just take off but did manage a slow trot and a short canter, just to see if she could handle it.
Old Tom marvelled at the way she rode. He hadn’t seen anyone as natural as Inanna, ever.
It was a day like any other when all of a sudden there was a visitor to the temple – an important visitor by the looks.
Inanna went to fetch Lilith.
She was out the back hanging her washing when Lilith came back excitedly.
Inanna you have been asked to the castle.
“Me?” Inanna said with surprise and mock amusement.
“Your good name is travelling far and wide Inanna – the palace does not call just any old healer.
There’s a horse – an old mare that needs seeing to.”
Inanna was out the front door immediately.
“Not so fast” called out Lilith, “I will have to run you through the protocol, darling.”
This was no ordinary visit – not everyone was summoned by royalty.
There were many rules, and
A – Inanna didn’t care much for rules or the establishment and
B – She didn’t have a very good memory and was terrified she would forget everything Lilith told her.
“Relax, Inanna dear, the king has been away fighting for years. While he is not there, the palace will be forgiving should you make a mistake. If King Silas was in town however, well that would be a different story” she laughed.
Who was this King Silas? Inanna wasn’t sure she liked the sound of him.
She took her medicine bag and made her way to the castle gates.
It was a beautiful castle, she’d never seen anything like it before.
It was huge, with a wide moat running all the way around it.
She approached the gatehouse apprehensively.
Normally she would be full of confidence but this great stone structure made her weak at the knees.
From far away the castle looked much less imposing – up close it looked terrifying.
“Name please?” someone yelled from the gatehouse.
“Inanna Florence Sir. I’m the Healer here to tend to a sick mare.”
“The guard will show you the way.”
She followed quickly behind a very well dressed guard. He wasn’t slowing down for her either.
If she thought the castle was imposing standing outside its walls, just wait until she made her way through the gates.
In rare circumstances Ren and Inanna would venture into town at night.
Ren thought it was high time Inanna was shown the real world – she couldn’t spend every minute of every day healing and meditating in the temple – she was becoming as dull as dishwater.
It was just what she needed.
This particular night, they went down to the local ale-house, a big step for Inanna these days.
They even had a pint themselves.
Inanna never drank, it was just something she had never tried before. She had seen what it did to Beircheart and really had no desire, but she realised it didn’t turn everyone into a monstrous pig – just some.
She didn’t love the taste, but did notice it helped her relax. It helped her relax so much that she and Ren even managed a dance. Inanna felt that familiar feeling and it was wonderful.
For the first time in a long time, she felt herself – wild, free and uninhibited, it had been a while.
They were laughing and having a lovely time when all of a sudden she was bumped out of the way. Ren had to catch her to break her fall.
A man turned to her extremely apologeticly, he was quite a wild dancer himself.
He sat her down at the barrels were they had left their drinks. He insisted on staying with them until he could tell she was alright.
He was a gorgeous soul, with a big heart. They were friends straight away.
He was cute too – he had a little beard hiding big rosy cheeks and was never without his glasses – he couldn’t see two feet in front of him, but it was his crazy white teeth you noticed first and his big, huge smile. It was contagious and when he laughed he would bring his hand up to his mouth, and shrug his shoulders.
He had an interest in all things spiritual, like she, and he had a real openness about him. He was gentle and kind and was to be her first male friend in a long time.
She would meet him often.
They would lie in the fields behind the palace, making up crazy stories about the king, or they would just hold each other’s hands and meditate.
There was nothing sexual about their union, it was purely platonic – just two friends, helping each other out on their journey through life.
William would always be there for her, a trusted confidante, and in years to come, her best friend’s husband.
Sometimes lessons present themselves again and again.
If we don’t learn the first time perhaps we’ll learn the second, or the third or the fourth.
We will just keep repeating the same pattern until the lesson has been learnt – this is the way of the Universe.
So the quicker we become aware, the quicker we can learn and move on to the next lesson.
During Inanna’s short life forgiveness was rather a large theme and now she was under the guidance of Lilith she would be able to work on this so she didn’t have to learn it over and over again, forgiveness would become second nature.
Lilith could see Inanna was coming back to her self.
She was more self-assured these days and every so often a glimpse of that wicked wit would rise up to the surface.
She was getting more comfortable with the rituals and seemed to be a little bit more comfortable connecting with the sexual energy inside.
Obviously under the control of Beircheart, the connection to this energy, this divine feminine energy was lost. Rather than celebrating it, Inanna would repress it out of fear.
She would do anything she could to make it disappear, to make herself seem more unattractive and less alluring. She didn’t want him anywhere near her.
The scars from this wound would take many years to heal but Inanna was determined to bring herself back to wholeness, back to the carefree and wild spirit she once was.
The rituals that took place in the Sacred Temple were as old as time.
The women would harness their sexual energy and use it to heal and transform.
Inanna had well and truly shut down that part of herself but Lilith knew it was where her power lay – it’s where all the High Priestesses harnessed their power, it was what made them extraordinary healers and gifted teachers.
It was an ancient art and one that Inanna would become passionately involved with over time.
It was Lilith’s job to help her harness the sexual energy, to teach her the ways of the High Priestess.
To the villagers Inanna was mysterious, and many would pass by Mrs Emmett’s to try and find out who she was and from where she came.
Everyone knew everyone in the village and some made it their business to know all. She steered clear of old Mrs Emmett, if she caught her eye, she wouldn’t be let loose for hours. If anyone in the village wanted to know anything, they would just pay Mrs Emmett a visit. She had a knack and a way of extracting all your personal information and then made it her duty to share it with all.
The villagers were intrigued with Inanna – there was little known about her background, only that an old farmer had brought her here some time ago, to see the healer.
There was no-one like Inanna in the town. When she walked past everyone noticed her.
She oozed sexuality – it was the first thing one noticed about her. It radiated from her eyes – but it was also present in the way she held herself.
She was quietly confident and held her head high. She would look directly into your eyes as she passed and always gave a smile and a polite nod of the head. She wasn’t aloof, she was warm and gentle and people knew she could be trusted.
Inanna was beginning to make a name for herself as the preferred healer in town and Lilith was more than happy to hand the baton to her. Lilith had to make sure the visitors were genuine however as there seemed to be a definite increase in male visitors to the temple since her arrival.
It took strength and persistence, but eventually the light would reappear through Inanna’s eyes and sometimes on a rare occasion they could hear Inanna chanting or singing softly to herself.
She was a diligent student there was no doubt about that, and her love for energy healing grew stronger and stronger. She couldn’t get enough of it.
It became her passion. Out of the darkness came the light.
She would have to learn forgiveness, again.
The one man that made Inanna shake with fear was Beircheart Laird and the only way Inanna would rid herself of fear, of guilt, of anger and shame was through forgiveness.
It is through forgiveness, we find freedom.
She had learnt this when her father sent Eamon away and married her off to that beastly thug, to be brutally bashed and raped. He didn’t think that would happen, but it did and Inanna still harboured resentment towards him also.
This was what would come up in these moments of darkness. Something would happen to lift the scab, to reveal the unhealed wound. The wound slowly bleeds, just to let you know it is still there – still trapped in the field.
It was important to acknowledge the pain, to feel the grief, to sit with it, as hard as that was, in those moments of silence.
Becoming aware of the pain is one of the greatest tools of transformation.
I acknowledge the pain and suffering I feel and realize it is here to teach me so that I may grow and expand my knowledge of love, as that is what I am here to learn.
It was through this pain that Inanna would uncover her greatest gift. She may not be aware of this now but in the years to come she would.
Everything happens for a reason.
She would meditate on this often, sometimes alone, sometimes with Ren or Lilith.
To look at something objectively, to look at it from above – a different perspective – allowed you to look at the situation differently.
“Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at will change”. (1)
Rather than playing the victim, release the anger, offer forgiveness, take back the power and free yourself.
Look at the situation as a lesson, a gift. In time one will come to realize this is what it is.
Life is a journey in self-discovery, a treasure hunt of the heart.
We must find our way back to love, back to the truth of who we are, and we can do this through forgiveness.
Inanna was in a great space more often then not and with each passing day a little more of her came back.
A day did not go by where she didn’t visit the horses, desperate to ride, to feel that freedom again.
She even started making her way into the village.
Lilith was taking things slowly with Inanna, careful not to push her too far, too early.
Learning the art of healing took strength and courage and was taxing emotionally and mentally, so she made sure Inanna had plenty of down time, plenty of time to play again – to have no worries and be as carefree as possible.
Lilith knew she was on the mend, but could also see she still harboured the darkness within.
Sometimes Inanna would go to her room, and the injured soul would present itself again.
She wouldn’t leave her room for days, sometimes even weeks. She would be quiet, unapproachable, distant.
Lilith would use this time as a teachable moment, guiding Inanna through the process.
“The darkness is just as important as the light. How could one recognise the light if it weren’t for the darkness? It is here to teach us Inanna, to better us.”
“It is important”, she would say, “to make the darkness visible.”
“It is important to bring it into the light, so that the negative vibration does not remain in the energy field. This can cause irreparable damage to the physical being if left unattended.”
She would try and encourage her to speak – to voice what was inside but this proved difficult for Inanna. Even as a little girl she suffered throat infections when her true voice was being repressed.
Lilith would work on her throat chakra, the fifth chakra, Vishuddha.
Blue like a clear sky on a summer’s day, this chakra is the first of the higher chakras and is located in the region of the neck and shoulders.
The gift of this chakra is being able to express your authentic voice, accepting your uniqueness and speaking your truth.
The silence Lilith was met with, meant Inanna’s throat chakra was blocked or unbalanced.
She was unable to express her truth or find her voice.
Lilith imagined Inanna was silenced at some stage in her life when she spoke her truth and stood up for what she believed. There were people out there who thought this was not a woman’s place.
Inanna would let Lilith heal her and usually after a session there would be sadness and grief. Deep, deep grief and a fear so strong of speaking her truth it was becoming debilitating.
She would start Inanna chanting to get the throat chakra balanced again – to get her to physically move sound through this region to aid the healing process.
At first Inanna couldn’t utter a sound.
Lilith would take her into the sacred temple, lay her on the slab, anoint her throat and begin the chant. Inanna would lie there, terrified, looking up at the sky above.
It took weeks to get even the slightest of murmurs out of her: those who have been beaten are often the last to rise.
Inanna was still too weak to move but was able to sit up in bed now, propped up with pillows. It was time to get some food into her if she was going to regain her strength.
She met the delightful Ren and they were instant friends – she felt as though she had known her forever – they shared an unbreakable bond.
The strength of their friendship would grow and grow and she would turn out to be one of Inanna’s greatest teachers.
Inanna started with one meal a day, slowly increasing it over the weeks. Much trauma had been bestowed upon her and her weak and feeble body had suffered enormously. It would take time, baby steps, which suited Inanna just fine as she had nowhere to go and nowhere to be.
After some weeks, she managed to actually get out of bed unaided. There was always someone nearby as they weren’t quite sure of just how much damage Inanna sustained. It would be some time before everyone would feel comfortable leaving her. She could now get herself to the washroom, where someone would meet her, should she need any help.
The day the miracle occurred was when she was able to walk outside and down to the stables, the colour almost instantly returning to her face at the site of the horses. She could brush them but was not allowed to ride. It would be years before she was back in the saddle.
For now it was enough.
Inanna found great comfort in these majestic animals and they in her.
The horses played a massive part in her recovery. Inanna wasn’t yet ready to make her way into town. She was still fragile and being among throngs of people terrified her.
On occasions she would still be subjected to harrowing nightmares and would wake in a cold sweat, shaking and crying. Ren would get up calmly and pat her hair or hold her gently in her arms until she fell back to sleep.
Inanna was surrounded by angels, this she knew, and she was extremely grateful.
The old medicine woman taught Inanna to give thanks each and every night before she went to sleep.
“Give thanks Inanna, for all the wonderful things you have to be grateful for. It will bring you back to the present, which is a true gift – helping you realize just how fortunate you are my dear”, she would say.
Even when Eamon left, she would give thanks for having had the chance to meet him, to know love and to feel it so deeply. To have someone who would hold the space for her just to be: to be her self, unapologetically.
As the months went by and her strength increased, Lilith started to teach Inanna.
In Inanna, Lilith saw something extraordinary, an energy. She was different from others.
She had a sexual energy about her and Lilith doubted Inanna even knew she possessed it.
When Lilith first set eyes on Inanna, even battered and bruised she knew she had met her successor.
She wasn’t at all familiar with her surroundings but far from panicking she just lay there. She too could see the glow of the moon out her little window. It was glorious: soothing and calming, energising and illuminating.
She started to remember: the pain, the stinging, the blood, the cold, she shivered as she recalled the atrocities, but one thing was for sure – she knew she was now far away from that reality and out of harm’s way.
She remembered nothing of the past few weeks. In fact the last thing she remembered was being in that cold and awful place, with that cold and awful man and her head hitting the ground. She must have passed out cold after that.
As she rested, she thought.
“How did I survive?”
“Who rescued me?”
“Why did I survive when all I wanted to do was die?” and “Where am I?”
All that mattered was that she was somewhere sacred, somewhere safe.
The chanting continued well into the night and Inanna must have drifted off to sleep as when she awoke again, it was morning.
No one was around and she just lay still, gazing out the window.
The sky was clear and blue, a cool breeze drifted through kissing her cheek lightly and rustling her hair – the bird song was comforting but unfamiliar. She was in a different place.
She was far from home, far from Beircheart. She missed her family terribly and just wanted to run home to them but she was terrified they would send her back to him. She would remain where she was for now, until she was strong enough mentally and physically to make a proper decision.
She had learnt that making rash decisions based on your emotions wasn’t such a great idea. Making decisions when the mind was clear and the emotions stable was much better.
She heard the door open and turned her head gently.
An extraordinary woman stood in the doorway, older, attractive, with beautiful grey, thick hair falling naturally around her face.
She was wise, Inanna could see it in her eyes.
The wise woman back in her neighbouring village had the same look in her eyes.
They were different, hard to explain – but it was as though someone else was inhabiting their body. There was an innate calmness to them and she wished one day she could be as relaxed and knowing as they.
Lilith smiled sweetly and said, “Welcome back Inanna darling”.
Inanna managed a smile back.
Lilith came over and sat by her side stroking her hair and her face – she was warm and kind and Inanna felt immediately at ease.
It would be a month before there were any signs of life.
Lilith and Ren had monitored her around the clock.
Lilith used essential oils on her daily, gently massaging her wounds, the strong smell of eucalyptus making itself known. She wanted to be sure the physical symptoms were all healed before she began to delve deeper.
Their hard work had paid off, after a few weeks the swelling had gone down and all that remained were a few pale yellow bruises.
In the candle light Inanna looked serene, peaceful.
It was as though she was happy just resting and she would wake when she was ready.
Micheál had long gone but said he would be back when he could, to check on Inanna and if they could get word to him as soon as she awoke he would appreciate it.
It was time for the full moon ritual.
Ren had become part of the family here at TempleNor. She would stay and live out the rest of her days here.
They left Inanna sleeping soundly and slipped away quietly to attend the ritual in the main temple.
The temple was extraordinary and reserved for ritual only.
It was the domain of the High Priestess.
It was beautiful – there was no other word to describe it. When you entered you knew you were in a sacred space.
Fresh, fragrant flowers not only aided its beauty but the smell was extraordinary. Candles adorned each corner of the temple adding to the ambient atmosphere.
In the middle of this vast space stood a magnificent marble alter, surrounded by water. It had steps leading up to it. Above it was a huge open circular gap in the ceiling. It was built with the trajectory of the moon in mind.
The sound of the chanting and the pungent smell of flowers and incense wafted throughout the temple.
It was immediately calming and the sound and smell drifted effortlessly through the temple eventually making its way to Inanna’s room.
She smelt it first and then heard it – she thought she was in heaven – somewhere so angelic and divine, so familiar, but when she opened her eyes she was confused.
They made their way through the gates of Nor, exhausted and spent.
It had been a long and emotional journey and now they were finally here, the enormity of what they had achieved becoming apparent.
Micheál felt he could sleep for a week.
The town was quietening down for the night, the distant sound of laughter and merriment emanating from the local ale house making its way across the cobble stone road., the last of the children running home to their mothers before the scolding would start.
But it was straight to the temple for these weary travellers.
The temple was not far from the castle walls, it was one of the only buildings that was allowed to be in the vicinity. The other town folk had to keep their distance.
The king didn’t want to rub shoulders with the lowly peasants below and wanted to be far away from the noise and mischief of the commoners and gypsy’s, but he took comfort the medicine woman and the High Priestess were close by, should he need either quickly.
It was at the Temple of Nor, Inanna would stay for the foreseeable future. It would take that long for her to regain her strength and confidence, after all she had been through.
Lilith welcomed them in.
She’d already prepared a bed for Inanna – in a private space so she could recover in peace.
Lilith looked at her grimly.
It had been days of travel and at least another three days she had been laying in the dirt. The injuries she sustained were numerous and they were the ones on the surface.
Lilith hadn’t even fully checked her yet.
She had a fire burning and a broth on the hob.
Ren and Micheál laid her down and filled Lilith in on the last few days.
Ren insisted on staying. The two, she was sure, were soul sisters and she wanted to be with Inanna while she healed.
It was late.
Lilith made Inanna clean and comfortable, bade farewell to Micheál and went to bed for the night. She woke on occasion to check Inanna who lay still and silent.
She wondered whether she would ever regain her strength.
Micheál was feeling much more positive today and so very grateful to all whom had held the space for Inanna to heal the night prior.
He was also most grateful for warm water, some new clothes and a full belly. His horse had also received some love and attention and you could see the benefits it reaped.
Micheál agreed to Ren accompanying them forward. It would give him time to concentrate on the road ahead and his trusty old mare and Ren could tend to Inanna – keeping her comfortable and warm.
Inanna had not opened her eyes or uttered a word but she had a very weak pulse and for this they were thankful.
It wouldn’t be long now, another overnight stop and then a full days drive before they would reach the Priestess Lilith.
The day progressed well.
They took things slowly and Ren made it possible for a much quicker journey.
Their overnight stay was much like the last couple. The villagers managed to get Inanna in and out of the cart with minimal fuss and kept her warm and fed overnight and then it was off again.
It was the final leg of their journey and Inanna was still alive!
Hope had relaced desperation and fear and with each turn of the carts wheel they were closer to salvation.
The journey had taken its toll on Micheál, he was an old man after all.
He had decided he would take a few days or maybe more at the next village to recover before embarking on the long trip back home.
Inanna was still non-responsive but Ren spent the days sending healing energy into her being, silently meditating and occasionally chanting. Micheál loved the chanting – it was hypnotic and soothing and broke the monotony nicely.
It was not far now.
The Village of Nor was a larger village that fed all the smaller villages that surrounded it.
The Kings opulent castle loomed over everything and provided jobs for many of the people in the village. During the day it was a hive of activity and the townspeople would meet in the square daily to trade and sell their wares.
There was a butcher, a baker, stonemason and weaver, a wheelwright, roofer and farmers by the number.
There was the local cobbler, the grocer, armourer and carpenter. Everything was available.
Some enjoyed the hustle and bustle of a bigger town but old Micheál much preferred the serenity and peace of his very solitary lot.
No-one to bother him, no noise to contend with – just that which nature provided. There was little threat of invasion, given there was no king living near him.
He did have an old friend who lived in the village though and it was with him he would reside until he had the strength to move on and of course, to ensure Inanna was on the mend. He’d most certainly grown very fond of her now and would not leave her side until he was sure she would make a full recovery.
Inanna in time would come to appreciate her guardian angel Micheál and all he had done for her, after all it was he who saved her life.
The leader was usually an elder. Taught this ancient modality from her mother who had been taught from hers and so on and so forth.
This ancient feminine wisdom kept alive through the generations, each one knowing the importance of not allowing this sacred knowledge to die.
The sacred feminine – the divine essence beyond form or duality is present within every woman and is the source of her primal power.
These women knew that activating and being in touch with this vital life-force would keep them powerful and present. The goddess energy fuels creativity, pleasure and bliss, connecting women over centuries to that very sexual, wild and uninhibited energy – capable of great transformation, transcendence and profound healing.
The leader tonight was Ren.
Ren had presence and would command attention with her every move. She knew exactly what she was doing and stood firmly in her power and radiated her light genuinely and authentically.
She had a thick mane of blonde hair that fell down past her shoulders. Her eyes were the most extraordinary green – you could see the magic and wisdom behind them.
She took some wild sage and smudged the room.
The others had gathered around Inanna and had placed their hands on different parts of her body.
Ren had cleared, blessed and protected the sacred space and begun the healing ritual.
She used healing oils, incense and candles and chanted well-known incantations.
The energy was palpable and one could feel they were in the presence of the divine.
The energy had lifted, had become less dense and you could almost see the healing taking place in Inanna now, the light beginning to do its work – the light of divine love, all healing and ever present, available to everyone, anytime and the source of everyone and everything.
The men of the local village fully supported this sacred ritual and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt the power and wisdom behind it. They had seen miracles take place on numerous occasions and realized how lucky they were to be in the company of such divine wisdom.
The men revered this sacred practice and supported their woman whole-heartedly. It was the women who were in charge of this village, aware of the moon cycles, the medicinal qualities of the local herbs and acutely in touch with this wisdom.
They honoured it, protected it and shared it. It was a way of life, a part of life and an important part of not only the women’s lives, but their men’s also.
Inanna had been receiving the healing energies well into the night.
As the circle came to a close, they offered thanks to the God and Goddess energies and it would be Ren who would stay with Inanna throughout the night.
In fact Ren had decided she would accompany Inanna and Micheál on their journey to see Lilith.
Ren saw something very special in Inanna.
She could tell just by looking at her that she too was a healer: a wise woman, a woman that when healed herself would be unable be kept in the shadows any longer.
It was Inanna’s divine path in this lifetime – Ren could see it in her aura.
She would be a beacon of light for both men and women and the time to rise was upon her.
The villagers ahead where beginning to grow worried when there was no sign of them.
It was too dark now to send someone to find them but they would leave just before dawn and make their way down the road in the direction from which the two would be coming.
They were elated when some hours later the men and their horses returned with the old farmer and his cart close behind.
Once again the villagers gathered around. There was nothing more warming than seeing the people rally together to help – and in this case to help a total stranger.
They hurriedly took Inanna into the warmth and it was a blessing they had more time to stay put here as it would give them time to stabilize her before making the next leg of this laborious journey.
It would also give Micheál time to bathe himself and get some proper food into him, his rations well and truly exhausted from the previous day and night.
They also had time to rest the horse and have a good look at the cart and make the necessary repairs if need be.
Again it was the women of the village who tended to Inanna.
There was something special about the sisterhood and moments like these brought them together and forced them to rise.
They would hold a sacred women’s healing circle for Inanna once night fell and when they had bathed her, changed her and fed her.
Getting water and food into her was crucial.
To their surprise they managed to get a few teaspoons of hearty broth into her and she had managed miraculously to keep it down.
Woman’s circles and Healing circles were commonplace. They were usually guided by the cycles of the moon – the moon offering feminine wisdom, the sun masculine.
The light of the full moon was especially healing and offered cleansing properties to the energy field and the heart space. The full moon energies help to purge and release all that no longer serves while the new moon is for setting intentions and sewing the seeds.
The moon represents women’s beauty, women’s bodies and women’s wisdom and her monthly cycles so clearly mirror their own. She is mysterious, magical and wise and the women used the energy to manifest, harness their sexual energy, for creative inspiration and to connect to higher realms, to release and to integrate.
They couldn’t wait for the moon to be at the perfect juncture, they would proceed regardless.
These sacred circles were a safe space for women to gather, to use their voices and share their stories. They used these circles to empower, uplift and share wisdom. It was important for the women of the day to remain in touch with their feminine strength as it provided them with ancient wisdom and knowledge and kept them positive and strong.
Inanna was especially blessed to be part of these circles tonight. Someone seemed to be watching over her.
The women prepared the sacred space for the Healing circle.
Tonight the focus would be on Inanna and the intention, physical, emotional and spiritual healing.
When a group gathered for healing the energies were intensified and this was much needed tonight.
Ailis had tendered beautifully to Inanna throughout the night and had even managed to pop her in a new nightdress. She couldn’t bear to send her off in that soiled and bedraggled rag.
She had gently managed to wash the dried blood from Inanna’s face, arms and legs.
Ailis had wondered who this animal was that could inflict such harm on a defenceless young woman.
“Why she must be no older than nineteen”, she thought.
She had daughters of her own and was immediately drawn to Inanna’s mother. She would be heartbroken to see her little one in this much pain. Ailis would do everything a mother would do to care for this injured soul.
She could see in the lamp light she was a pretty young thing, even under the bruises and scars and prayed not only for a speedy recovery but that one day she would find a soul willing to love her and care for her as she deserved. She also prayed that Inanna’s thoughts of men wouldn’t be tainted by this one vicious encounter.
No woman deserved to be treated this way – ever.
Although Ailis had only spent a night in Inanna’s company she had already grown fond of her and wanted nothing but for her to heal and return to perfect health.
Fergus again had the duty of lifting Inanna to the cart. The villagers had managed to make it a little more comfortable and they had put a cover on it so that it would protect Inanna from the elements.
Ailis packed some food and tea for Micheál and they set out on the long ride to the next village.
The day seemed to drag on and on.
Low and thick, grey clouds covered the light and warmth of the sun and there was a bitter wind blowing head on. It was to be a long and arduous day, made more so by a problem with one of the cart’s wheels.
The road was full of pot-holes and was like thick sludge in some parts due to the heavy rain.
The cart had fallen into a ditch in the road and it seemed it would be impossible to free it.
He worked on it for what seemed like hours whilst also keeping an eye on Inanna. At least she looked stable. He thanked God for small mercies.
He sat by the road, defeated and fearing the two of them would be there all night if no one came along to help. Surely they would freeze to death.
It was now beginning to get darker and as the sun sank, so too did his hopes.
There was nothing else he could do but climb in alongside Inanna. He wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do but felt sure it was the only thing he could do.
His priority was her well-being and it was imperative he kept her warm.
Micheál went as fast as he could but the road was rough and full of potholes and he had to decide whether speed or gentleness was his best method.
He would stop every now and then to check on Inanna and try to give her some water. He would hold her gently, tilting her head and opening her mouth just enough to get a little in.
When she managed a cough he was elated.
She was alive and conscious, finally.
He had no idea how much damage Beircheart had caused in that short amount of time.
Physical damage was one thing, emotional damage another. He was certain Inanna would carry the scars of this abuse for the rest of her life, perhaps even lifetimes from now.
He travelled a long way that day but was determined to make it to the next village.
He lit a small oil lamp that he strung up on an old branch tied to his seat so he could at least see the path a few feet in front of him.
His speed was severely hampered in the dark and he was getting frustrated, but he took some comfort in the fact he knew Beircheart would not be following behind.
He reached the next village a few hours after dark. He himself was tired and hungry.
The villagers made their way out to greet him.
Micheál jumped off the seat, sore, his body painful and aching, the adrenalin from this morning well and truly worn off.
Fergus jumped onto the back of the tray, careful of his every move. He looked at Inanna gravely.
He took her in his arms, she was the weight of a small child. Her features barely noticeable, her face covered in yellowing bruises and scars. Even if she wanted to open her eyes he feared she couldn’t, the swelling keeping them glued shut for now.
Ailis had a bed made by the fire and was determined to look after this young lady all through the night if she had to.
She was an old friend of Micháel’s and would do anything for him – she knew this girl was important to him, she didn’t need any clarification on that.
She laid her out and decided it was too risky to bathe her now. Her body was weak and would take a long time to recover.
As Fergus and Micheál ate their broth and downed a well-deserved ale, Ailis would tend to Inanna.
She sat close by her all night, keeping her warm, and patting her forehead when the sweat would appear.
She was running a high fever now and this worried Ailis.
Perhaps it would be better to keep her here for the next few days, instead of taking her from one extreme temperature to the other, but it was agreed at first light, getting her to the healer was far more important.
Micheál had anticipated he would have to save Innana at some stage.
He had sent messages out to the three local villages he would have to pass through to get to the healer.
He requested warm fires, healing broths and soups, rugs and clean warm clothing.
He made sure the villagers new Inanna was gravely ill.
He was days away from any real help and he knew his chances of getting to the medicine woman with Inanna alive were slim, but he would take his chance. At least she would die while someone was trying to help her, rather than hurt her.
He knew of only one medicine woman who could save her now.
She was revered throughout the land such was her prowess.
She was The High Priestess of the county, the healer Lilith and Micheál knew she was Inanna’s last hope.
He came prepared that morning.
He had warm blankets in the back of his modest horse and cart – his old mare was slow these days, but his only choice. The villagers had prepared some very plain broth and tea for Inanna to sip, although he didn’t realise the horrifying state of her being.
He had a shovel too, in case he met with hostility.
He knew the ride to the next village would be long – and being winter – the light short.
He made his way early that morning, the moon still visible out to the East. It lit his path perfectly. He was terrified he would be too late and was now beginning to panic.
He grew frantic, sensing something dire.
Inanna lay still, unmoved for days. She was soiled, broken and bruised. Beircheart would kick her as he walked past to see if she was still breathing.
Micháel arrived at the front of the house as dawn broke. All of a sudden his strength grew and with it his courage – he could have taken out an army of one hundred men that morning.
He pulled up and secured his horse.
He walked up that filthy broken stone path to the opening that was the front door.
He could hear Beircheart was still at it in the bedroom with another of his conquests. He was frantic now, running from room to room.
Beircheart shouted as he tripped in the dark and sent an old pewter mug with yeterday’s ale flying onto the hearth.
He came wheeling out half naked, his ire and rage making his pale complexion puce.
“Where is she” Micháel said in a calm and measured way.
Beircheart roared laughing at the sight of this weak and feeble farmer, standing there with his shovel. He could kill him with a single blow.
“Out back” he shouted, laughing heartily.
“Your too late old man”
Micheál’s heart broke and he raced out the back shouting her name. And then he saw her: under the back verandah laying on the freezing cold dirt. He ran to her side. He had no time to check her pulse, she looked frightening – dead – like there was not a breath of life in her.
He scooped her up in his arms, her lifeless and battered body laid limp.
He made his way slowly through the house to the mock protestations of Beicheart.
They made their way to the horse and cart and Micheál laid her on the tray, covering her in blankets. He tried to get some fresh water into her, but to no avail.
Before they left, he took a minute and knelt down beside her.
He prayed silently for either a miracle or a quick and painless passing.
The beatings got worse when one particular night and on one extremely rare occasion they made their way to the nearby village for an outing.
Beircheart was particularly proud to show Inanna off and for a fleeting moment Inanna could forget her worries and enjoy herself.
She absolutely adored music and loved dancing even more.
When she danced she could feel her life force. She felt carefree and wild and let herself go completely – it was her happy place.
She couldn’t remember the last time she danced, she thinks it was under the light of the full moon with Eamon.
The beat of the Gaelic drums were making their way through her body, she moved in time with the music effortlessly and gracefully. When she danced people noticed her – there was freedom of expression in her movement, her heart was open and her happiness radiated with each step she made. When she danced her playful personality shone through. She was expressive and at times flirtatious.
She was never short of a dance partner and Beircheart noticed.
Far from enjoying the night, his mood was growing wilder with every beat of his Bodhrán, his jealousy and possessiveness growing deep and dark inside him.
Beircheart’s jealousy was more a reflection of his inability to trust Inanna and it spoke volumes about his self-worth and when they got home the beatings were relentless, he let his fists do all the talking, the rage in his eyes terrifying.
Her decline started immediately after this beating, she knew this time she was close to death.
She couldn’t understand that someone would beat the life out of her when she was merely expressing herself – being herself.
Was she that bad?
She began to believe she was. She was so weak now, that Beircheart started looking elsewhere to exert his masculine prowess.
She was thankful to the Universe for this tiny blessing.
Having intercourse with Inanna had indeed lost its pleasure. He had damaged her, she thought, irreparably.
He would bring different women home night after night.
They would jeer and snigger at Inanna, he would spit on her occasionally, right in her face, just to let her know of his contempt for her.
He could not care less whether she lived or died but preferred it was the latter, as did she.
She grew weaker and weaker with each passing day. He didn’t allow her to eat or drink and now she just lay on the cold hard ground where she fell.
Farmer Micheál continued to drive by the stone house – it seemed lifeless. He would stay out the front until he saw movement inside – he too was terrified of Beircheart and knew he was no match for his strength. He was worried sick as the weather had turned. There was a cold wind that whipped through the fields, the rain lashed the country and he knew this winter was going to be long and harsh.
He had literally knocked the life right out of her.
When she came to later that night all was still and dark.
She thought this was probably a better option than sleeping with him. She would avoid this at all costs.
She lay on the cold, stone floor, her head throbbing and her face stinging.
If she thought the wrath of her father was something to behold, then Beircheart’s was on another level.
How she thought she could outrun this beast of a man actually made her smile. She took solace in the fact that Eamon would laugh at her tenacity and be so proud of her for giving it a go.
She would have to reassess – think of another plan of escape because there was no way in hell she was staying here.
Minutes turned to hours, hours to days, days to weeks and weeks to months, her life becoming less and less her own as the minutes passed, her desperation compounded by her loneliness.
Her day consisted of arising at dawn: cleaning, tending to the farm, cooking, mending, daily beatings and sexual experiences that had scarred her for life.
She doubted she could ever bare children after the brutal penetrations that took part each and every night. There was nothing Inanna could do as his strength was so much greater than hers. If she was thin and weak before there was literally nothing of her now.
She tried to take her mind elsewhere when these torrid events were happening. She tried to picture gentle and loving Eamon holding her in his arms. There was not a singular bone in Eamon’s body that could ever hurt anyone.
The only brightness to her otherwise bleak and soulless existence was her morning exchanges with the old farmer from next door, Micheál.
Every morning as she made her way down to the freezing river to wash away the remnants of last night’s beatings and rapes, beautiful farmer Micheál would come by at exactly the same time each and every day of the week.
He would tip his tartan cap and say in a loud and happy voice, “Top o’ the mornin’ to ya Inanna”
She was grateful there was someone nearby who knew she existed.
She wondered if he spoke loudly enough to let Beircheart know he was keeping an eye on things. There was nothing he could do to stop the nightly abuse but at least he knew Inanna was there. That she was still alive.
Inanna constantly wondered what Beircheart’s upbringing must have been like for him to be so aggressive and his attitude towards women so repulsive.
Not only was there physical abuse but verbal abuse too and this had eventually taken its toll on Inanna’s carefree spirit as well.
He got his way.
Inanna was now compliant.
She was quiet and reserved, she showed absolutely not a single sign of the once radiant, bright, tenacious woman she once was.
Inanna awoke suddenly, her mother and sisters all shaking her excitedly – today was the big day.
She had dreaded it since she was introduced to Beircheart.
Her mother had laid out her own wedding dress on the bed for Inanna to wear.
Millicent and Frances had been out early that morning foraging for flowers. They had gathered two baskets full and were so pleased with their efforts.
The girls were in charge of the wedding bouquet.
Inanna wanted nothing structured and neat, preferring natural and informal.
She didn’t like fuss and she didn’t like bother and on this particular day did not care to be the centre of attention either.
She wanted to get this over with as soon as possible.
Freedom and Eamon awaited and she was not going to let a little thing like marriage or a big thug like Beircheart stand in her way.
For the first time in what seemed like an eternity Inanna felt strangely excited.
She was absolutely sure she could pull this off.
He was big and cumbersome, she was lithe and lean – surely she could outrun this big lug of a man. She could get under and over the bracken in the forest and make her way to the neighbouring village in no time. The medicine woman would take her in and cover for her until they could search no longer.
She knew that forest like the back of her hand.
Once that ceremony was over and they were in the carriage she would wait only a moment before making her escape. This will surprise him as he wouldn’t be expecting it.
There was no way in the world Inanna would be sharing a bed with that man tonight.
The ceremony came and went with minimal fuss.
Inanna being pleasant but not overly so.
There was a little celebration to follow and then many tears as she prepared to leave, mainly her mother’s and Millie’s.
There was not a tear to be seen in her father’s eyes, quite the contrary. He looked positively radiant, exultant even.
Finally this recalcitrant young lady would be out of his hands and he could concentrate on the two more obliging sisters.
As Beircheart grabbed her hand she flinched, a chill ran down her spine.
She read people’s energy very well and felt it even more strongly.
Unattractive was the first word that came to mind; unattractive and unappealing.
He was orange, and white – not at all to her taste and the polar opposite of her beloved Eamon.
He was big too and his skin freckly and weathered.
He had an oversized beard and she wondered what was hidden beneath his hat.
His head was big and round, to match his 6 foot five build.
To Inanna he was uninviting and very plain – there was nothing exotic about him at all.
No depth to his eyes, no beauty to his soul.
It was very clear he was after one thing and one thing only and Inanna was sure it wasn’t an intelligent conversation.
He eyed her learingly – it was both distasteful and arrogant.
He took off his hat, smiled and nodded politely.
Inanna stood looking in disbelief.
“Inanna” her father hurriedly prompted.
A look of disgust was written all over her face and her father was getting more livid by the minute.
How dare she embarrass him like this after all the hard work he’d put into finding her a husband.
He looked for a man who he thought could ‘handle’ Inanna. Someone tough, someone who could sort her out, so to speak. Keep her in line.
There was no way he was going to raise a headstrong daughter to be the town healer, the resident witch. He would have none of that.
His view was that a woman’s place was in the home – tending lovingly to her husband.
“Inanna, this is your husband. He is of good stock, I think the two of you will be very happy”, he pronounced proudly.
“A land-owner” Inanna thought given the surname Laird. Her father was always enamoured by the wealthy – she not the slightest bit interested.
“Ha” she laughed in her father’s face, a wry smile gracing her lips,
“Over my dead body”.
She cursed, turned and left the room.
When her father had shown Beircheart to the door he promised him Inanna would be ready to marry him next month as planned and then he went immediately to find her.
Thankfully this time her mother knew what was in store for her and locked her in her room, refusing to let her husband enter. She calmed him and said she would speak to Inanna and have her ready to wed within the month.
Inanna’s father was growing tired of her moping around – her silent presence fell thick and heavy on the house.
Soon the whole vibration of the home matched hers and everyone seemed to walk around shrouded in an aura of sadness.
When Inanna was young she used to lift the vibration of everyone in the house. She would paint, dance and sing. The whole room filled with her unique energy and you couldn’t help but feel happy and uplifted when she was around.
But the mood had long changed and her father thought it was high time he did something about this.
She would never find a husband at the rate she was going.
Who would even look at an emaciated, drawn, unhappy, sour looking woman.
No, it would be up to him to sort her out.
He knew of just the gentleman.
Inanna was summonsed down from her room late one afternoon.
Her mother was paying extra special attention to her that morning and she did find this odd. She washed and braided her hair and put her in a very feminine looking gown.
It wasn’t one Inanna would wear ordinarily but she had lost her spark and couldn’t be bothered arguing anymore, it was a waste of her precious energy.
“You look beautiful Inanna”, her mother said proudly as she brushed the side of her face with her hand.
She really was extraordinarily beautiful, a little too thin these days but beautiful none the less.
Inanna’s body had suffered a similar fate to her mother’s but hers was due to her emotional trauma.
She was a shadow of her former self, her body lithe, her cheekbones shallow, her eyes sunken and drawn. Her once ample bosom now sat so close to her chest she could be mistaken for someone half her age. Gone were all the curves that celebrated her femininity, all the things that celebrated her womanhood – and in its place stood a withered and gaunt soul.
“A woman has to have a little meat on her bones, some curves and shape to hold on to”, her father always use to say – not that her mother had any, she was skin and bone, the years of anxiety and fear had taken a toll on her once beautiful figure.
Inanna often wondered if he found his curves elsewhere.
Nothing would surprise her anymore – although in this day and age, marriage hardly meant monogamy, it meant more a good woman to bare children and carry on the bloodline and to cook, mend and sew.
The idea of marriage to anyone but Eamon made Inanna bilious.
She didn’t even entertain the idea.
She felt her name being hollered up the stairway.
“Go now” her mother whispered, kissing her gently on the cheek.
Inanna looked at her curiously – “What was going on?” she pondered.
She made her way down into the ‘good’ room – well only good when someone important was visiting.
She pushed open the door and standing in front of her were two men – her father and another.
Six months had passed and Inanna still only uttered a word when she had to.
She started experiencing throat infections that were so bad she would be laid up in bed with high fevers and chills for weeks. The medicine woman from the neighbouring village visited almost daily.
She would bring essential oils, harvested from the leaves, flowers and roots in the forest – Mother Nature always generously providing.
Through a process of distillation she would extract the highly concentrated form of the plant, which contained its original medicinal properties.
This art had been handed down from generation to generation.
Peppermint acted as an antibacterial agent and also contained menthol, which soothed the throat.
Lavender had anti-inflammatory properties and Echinacea to treat the cold systems when the illness settled on her chest.
She would explain to Inanna, that her illness wasn’t something she was able to fix entirely.
To heal completely, Inanna had to play a part herself.
She was getting these recurrent infections because she had stopped speaking her truth and she was supressing her voice. By doing this she was causing blockages in her energy field and this was becoming disease in her body.
When the illness spread to her chest it was heart-ache – her heart was literally aching and her breath was restricted. The tightness intolerable. She was with-holding her love and it was presenting itself as unpleasant symptoms in her body.
“The body is your greatest gift Inanna – it will tell you the eternal whispers of your soul, it will alert you when something’s not right. Please don’t ignore its guidance now” she would say.
“You are much wiser than you think Inanna darling, we all are. We just choose not to uncover our truth, it’s greatness so powerful it frightens us”
“We are magical beings filled with love and light and capable of profound healing and transformation”
Inanna knew at this point her light had faded – suffocated by the anger and the grief. Her love couldn’t be found in any corner of her being and it was making her physically ill.
“When something is wrong inside of you Inanna, your body will gently guide you to what it is, either through illness or heightened emotions. Little aches, pains and twinges. Sometimes it is strong enough to even kill you. Learn to listen to its flutters Inanna – your spirit gets your attention by sending messages through your bodies – your mental, emotional and physical bodies.”
“Learn to listen Inanna – don’t block out the guidance with your hatred and anger – it’s only harming you my dear”.
Inanna knew the truth in her words but she was so weak, she didn’t have the energy to even acknowledge what the medicine woman had said.
She would just stare blankly out the window, expressionless.
As ill as she was, she was absorbing the information and she would try to make the anger go away.
She would try, just for a couple of minutes a day, to not think of Eamon and what her father had done, but the force was too strong, the memories were etched in her mind and at this stage she found it impossible to forget.
“Forgiveness will free you Inanna, hatred will trap you. It’s your choice my darling. Choose wisely”.
Her mother tried to hug her when she arrived home – she offered to bathe her and pop her into bed.
“It was for the best Inanna” she murmured, not game enough to look her in the eye.
Millie ran up to her, relieved at having her sister home; Frances took one look at her and knew without a shadow of a doubt, she would never have her sister home.
She spent weeks in bed talking to no one.
She would get up only to bathe on occasions. She had barely eaten in that time and her fragility was reflected in her waif like frame.
Her only solace, her horses.
She would ride daily for hours on end and every time she did she was hopeful Eamon would appear from behind a hay stack or an old oak tree, but he never did.
She would brush and feed the horses and walk slowly past Eamon’s old out-house, happy memories filling her heart for just a minute, a fleeting smile gracing her lips momentarily.
It seemed easier to hold the pain and anger inside, rather than the love. She held such great fury against her father and every time she caught a glimpse of him, the rage would grow inside.
Eamon was a reflection of love, her father of hate.
Her heart ached and it made her blind – blind with fury and blind with rage.
Gone was the gorgeous free spirit full of love for everything and everyone.
Gone was the cheeky Miss, brimming with confidence and wild stories.
Gone was her self-assured nature, her wicked wit and her infectious smile.
But what stayed was the knowingness in her eyes.
Her Grandmother Lillian used to say she could kill with just one look.
When your eyes met hers, it was as though she could read everything about you.
This scared some but excited others.
Her father couldn’t bare it. She would know exactly what he was thinking, would cut him off at the pass, finishing his sentences for him. She would say things she could never possibly have known about him.
She wouldn’t show her skills to everyone, as witchcraft was highly frowned upon in this age: punishable by death. Her mother and Inanna always knew she had the gift – her father wished she didn’t.
As if it wasn’t unpalatable enough that she was outspoken and single minded – but that his daughter, his own flesh and blood could be into healing and Wicca of all things was just too much for him to take.
She wasn’t to talk about it in front of him but when she was really mad at him, she would tease him with her profound knowledge, making him irate.
It was the only tool she had left now.
Her generous and kind spirit had become spiteful and unkind – to him anyway.
She was developing a distaste for men and it grew by the hour.
How could Inanna ever think of marrying a lowly servant – a farm-boy – what was she thinking bringing disgrace to the family in that manner?
In Eamon, Innana didn’t see a lowly worker, when she looked at him, she saw only his heart and in it – pure love.
Inanna stood in her power initially – fighting for her right to choose, but her father only thought of her assertiveness as unladylike and aggressive.
To Inanna being powerful meant you could be kind while still having healthy boundaries and not letting people push you around.
Her father found this exasperating and tiresome – she was a woman and she would act as such: subservient, diligent and silent.
The men made the rules around here.
Inanna was having none of it.
Her already fractious relationship with her father had become even more so – the damage irreparable.
Eamon and Inanna decided to run away.
They would elope and start that life together they had dreamt of.
Inanna packed her things with the help of her sisters. Millicent often cried and held onto Inanna for dear life. The sisters were all very close and she was going to miss them both terribly. Frances was older and wiser and had seen the whole love story unfold. She understood the love the two shared and thought it would be best to let this free spirit run wild.
There was never anyone that could ever keep Inanna trapped in a cage.
After some years at the farm, Eamon knew the property like the back of his hand.
They would leave via the Western gate under the cover of darkness.
No one ever went to that part of the property. The trail was hard and worn, only decipherable to someone who had trod its path countless times before, as he had done.
They held each other’s hands as they made their way, a sense of excitement and anticipation tinged with sadness. Inanna wasn’t sure whether she would ever see her beloved mother or sisters again, but she was sure in time her father would forgive her actions and welcome her back into the family home.
It took some time to reach the gate, having to stop intermittently for Eamon to remove a thorn from Inanna’s skin, in the dark this proved challenging.
Inanna felt exhilarated – finally free of her father’s tight grip.
Eamon put his hand on the gate, their future but a short step away.
But as he unlocked the gate, their hopes were dashed as her father came from behind and grabbed Inanna violently.
She stood there, frozen to the spot, her body cold and stiff.
He didn’t even raise his voice, his rifle did all the talking.
Eamon was instructed to leave the property immediately and never step foot on his land again.
He turned Inanna around with such force she lost her footing.
She tried to turn around to see Eamon, to catch a glimpse of him one last time, but her fathers grip and pace made it difficult.
She knew there was no point in struggling, the bruises already forming on her arm.
And with each passing step her heart grew a little colder.
If it was possible to die of a broken heart – Inanna felt sure this would be her fate.
Every single day was worse than the last, an unbearable darkness descended upon her.
She took no joy in anything anymore – the anger had subsided and in its place lingered bitterness.
She spent more and more time locked away in her bedroom refusing to interact with the outside world, refusing at times to even eat – her appetite lost.
She couldn’t bear to look at her father and refused to speak to him – at the moment it was impossible to forgive – the hurt too raw, too fresh in her mind.
She played the picture of their last moment together over and over again in her mind – her heart ached and it was as though a part of her soul had been removed. It was at this point in time she doubted she would ever feel whole again – she doubted she would ever love again – her soul mate, the love of her life – gone.
She didn’t know where and she didn’t know how she would ever find him again.
She had thought about running away – she had even thought about killing herself, so unbearable was her pain.
It would be quite simple – she would just drown herself in the lake – she thought drowning would be quite peaceful once the struggle was over, that was her thinking anyway.
Everything she looked at was tainted by her sadness and grief – she simply could not find joy in anything anymore.
The only thing keeping her home was her mother and her sisters.
Her mother’s heart broke for Inanna – they felt each other’s pain as if it were their own.
Not strong enough to stand up to her over-bearing husband, Inanna’s mother just sat by and watched the whole catastrophe unfold.
When Inanna and Eamon went to her father to tell them of their plans they were not met with love and happiness as they had expected, they were met with hostility and rage.
“Over my dead body” roared his words – his body livid, shaking with anger.
Inanna was a striking girl. Even when she was young, she was sultry.
Different from her two sisters with dark brown hair falling to her shoulders framing her oval face and beautiful bone structure. Her light blue eyes and olive skin setting her apart from her fairer sisters.
Both had light hair and green eyes, their temperament matched their fairer complexions and Inanna’s matched hers.
She was feisty, and from a very young age expressed herself through her spoken word.
Inanna didn’t let anyone push her around: She held firm her beliefs and fought for her rights.
Should anyone try and persuade her otherwise, they would get a defiant young lady – firm, powerful and unwavering.
Not everyone deemed these characteristics charming and her father looked upon her with disdain.
She was made to feel that her strong-willed nature was inappropriate, and when she did speak out, she found she was being told to hold her tongue.
She didn’t fit the mould and her father found this intolerable.
Her sisters were no trouble at all. Happy to don a pretty dress, and sit with their mother in the afternoon sun learning how to knit, darn and crochet.
Inanna had other ideas.
She had a wild and carefree spirit – untameable – with a thirst for excitement and adventure.
While her sisters were learning to become wonderful mothers, wives and home-makers, Inanna would be in the neighbouring village with the local medicine woman healing, mixing tinctures and learning about natural herbal remedies.
From a young age she showed flair in this field. She would bring home every injured animal she found on the forest floor and nurse them back to health, releasing them when she saw they could fend for themselves. Their home became a menagerie at times.
Inanna and her mother had a very special bond – they had a knowing that didn’t need to be shared through words, it could be exchanged through one glance – the wisdom crystal clear between the two of them.
Her mother saw in her what many others did not, and at every opportunity encouraged Inanna to be spontaneous, wild and carefree. She saw her unpredictable and untamed spirit every time she looked in her eyes.
Her beauty, coupled with her open heart and open mind would hold her in good stead. She had an unwavering sense of justice and would do anything in her power to defend the meek and the mild.
Yes, she was powerful.
Yes, she was strong.
She knew Inanna would encounter trouble during her life for being this way, but her mother also knew she could hold her own and that she was here to pave the way for the sisterhood to rise.
There was definitely something about her. Something that set her apart. All those who came into contact with her could feel it.
The path was already set, the wheels were in motion. The ride would at times be wild and unimaginable.
To Inanna her life was going to be one, big adventure.
She dreamed of travelling far and wide: healing and teaching all the way.
Her father had other ideas.
Her path would be of his choosing, not hers: as a woman she would make all the wrong decisions.
Her father was desperate to fit her in a mould of what he thought young women should be like. Inanna, pushed the boundaries at every opportunity to show him not all women were alike.
It was ok for her to be assertive and powerful – it was ok for her to have opinions and views and it was ok for her to share them and not suppress them.
This caused many a heated argument, and Inanna would spend many nights crying herself to sleep after a heavy hand set her wild views straight.
I can’t begin to believe the devastation so many would be feeling at this moment and it’s hard to put into words anything that would compensate for the loss and confusion those who are left behind, and touched in any way by this tragedy in New Zealand would be feeling.
How is it possible one person can have so much hate, so much anger and so much fury inside him that he could be driven to perform such atrocity?
Such is the power of a polluted mind and such riled emotion.
My heart goes out to each and every one of those affected by this callous act and I send nothing but love to all.
“No man is your friend, no man is your enemy, every man is your teacher”
Let the above quote by Florence Skoval Shin lead us in the right direction.
This quote forces us to look at this situation differently – to look at this killer as a teacher – to use him to broaden our minds about what it means to be human, what it means to feel pain and more importantly how we can use this pain to transcend into love.
Always out of these tragedies comes an outpouring of human emotion. The news travels far and wide and we see people, total strangers distraught, laying wreaths, leaving messages of love and hope, helping out any way they can – this is love in action.
We have to remember that love is what we are at our core, and love is bigger than hate.
We have to use this tragedy to move out of hate and into love.
We have to view this as another opportunity for growth and learning and we have to stop talking about it and do something about it so we can prevent things like this happening to others.
We have to use this opportunity to teach and reinforce the importance – above all else of love and peace and this has to begin in each individual person.
Before we can become a human race based on the principals of love – we have to do the work and find our own TempleSoul.
Let’s use the tragedy in New Zealand as a teachable moment and let none of these poor innocent men, women and children die in vein.
Let’s take our power of free will and change the vibration of this planet – each of us, as individuals has a part to play in raising the resonance of earth and transcend the lower vibrational energies of hate and operate only at the frequency of divine love.
As hard and challenging as it is to be love in a situation like this, we have to step into love, we have to step into forgiveness and we have to meditate on peace.
At our core, in our hearts, we are made of love and everything that energy encapsulates – joy, peace, kindness, compassion and happiness, amongst other things.
At our core we are not black or white, yellow or brown – we are love.
At our core we are not short or tall, fat or thin, pretty or ugly – we are love.
At our core we are not Catholic, Muslim, Hindi or Scientologists – we are love.
At our core we are not Arabic, Australian, Kiwis or Brits – we are love.
At our core we are not angry, hurtful, hateful or spiteful – we are love.
At our core we are not even male or female – we are just love – pure and simple.
We choose to take this human journey to try and find our way back to love and we are given circumstances that will rock that very foundation so we can make a choice – one we can make at every single situation that comes our way over our lifetime.
Do I choose love and forgiveness or do I choose hate and anger?
That gunman chose anger and hate and look at the result of that.
Look at the result of that polluted mind and that riled emotion.
Look at the power of thought and become aware of how that power shapes your reality.
Look at the importance of observing your thoughts and keeping them at a high vibration – positive and peaceful.
If one thinks over and over again such negativity about others – the result can be catastrophic and in this case is.
Sadly we can’t change what has happened – we cannot bring back the dead – but when the grieving and the hurt subsides let’s hope we can choose to hold love in our hearts –
Love for the person who died so that we could be forced into action.
Love for the person who died so that we can learn forgiveness.
Love for the person who died so that we can choose love.
Let this be an opportunity for each and every one of us to be the light which is within our hearts.
Today’s song is “Don’t Dream It’s Over” by Crowded House.
“Hey now, hey now
Don’t dream it’s over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won’t win”
Making love is not only about procreating and having orgasms, although that is a positive side effect.
It is a sacred act, one capable of showing you who you really are – taking you back to wholeness, merging your physical and spiritual natures as one.
It is a sacred act, capable of profound healing.
It is a sacred act, capable of great transformation.
The ancient High-Priestess would use this knowledge of this sacred act to heal and uplift. To transmute and transcend.
They were respected as the great healers.
They knew how to tap into this incredible energy and work with it, and people came to them to heal, to reconnect and to transcend.
A great many of us walking the earth now, in our current incarnation were High-Priestesses and still have this ancient knowledge locked away in our DNA, but over time this ancient wisdom was rebuked rather than revered and it is time to bring it up into the light again.
Divine feminine sexual energy is powerful – and for women it is our natural vibration.
It is a source available to us and within us and when unleashed is unstoppable.
It is wild, and to some may feel uncontrollable, which is why over the centuries people have tried to tame this incredible life force.
When we don’t understand something, we tend not to like it, we tend to try and push it away, get rid of it – and this has resulted in the suppression of the divine feminine and all the beautiful wisdom that goes with it.
Women, standing in their divine sexual power are strong, they are immovable, they are powerful beyond belief and to those who aren’t familiar with this energy it can be terrifying.
I have come across beautiful men, who know what this energy is, and love it.
They happily hold the space for me to express it in its wild and purest form.
I am incredibly lucky in this lifetime to have Julius as my companion, for he too is aware of its incredible power and importance. And he is more than happy to open himself fully so that he too can experience the benefits this profound reconnection brings.
The next time you make love I don’t want you to think about it as a chore, or do it to keep someone happy. I want you to do it so that you can unlock the divine feminine wisdom that resides within you.
I want you to open yourself up to experience love through divine orgasmic bliss.
I want you to make love to reconnect to your self – that wise and ancient being you know you are.
Put all you know about love making aside and let me take you on a beautiful spiritual ride back home.
Home to your true nature, your real self.
I would like to help you unlock this divine feminine wisdom, so that you too can raise the resonance of the planet through the sacred sexual act of making love and reconnect your physical self to your spiritual self.
“A lovestruck Romeo
sang the streets of serenade
laying everybody low
with a love song that he made”
This week’s inspirational song is ‘Romeo & Juliet’ by Dire Straits, and you can listen to it now on TempleTunes – as you listen, tune in to the wild, primal life force within and harness its energy, to reconnect you back to ‘self’.
For daily inspiration and guidance click here to follow TempleSoulHealing on the socials.
Last weeks blog on ‘Forgiveness’ was inspired by Mary Magdalene and this weeks blog on divine sexual energy is similarly inspired.
When I first started meditating I used to see the double helix, through my third eye – electric blue and shimmering, pulsing through my source connection channel – I had no idea what it was.
One thing I have learned on this journey is to try not to understand but trust that the answer will come.
Sometimes it comes in a light bulb moment, an epiphany. Sometimes your guides and angels will teach you through the Socratic method, letting you experience the situation for yourself.
Be open to receiving guidance in whatever form it comes. It may not come straight away but it will come, when you are ready for it, in divine timing.
The song I chose this week is very close to my heart and brings back such a beautiful fond memory of falling in love.
Falling in love feels so special because it’s a reconnection of our physical body to our spirit body, and in spirit we are pure love.
Making love feels so special because it’s a reconnection of our physical body to our spirit body, and in spirit we are pure love.
What you are feeling is a reconnection to ‘self’ – you in your purest form.
That’s not to say falling in love is the only way to reconnect, there are numerous other ways, but it is one way, and what a lovely way it is.
When I was 16 I fell in love – head over heels in love, I had never experienced anything like it before.
And when we made love I used to cry.
I had never experienced anything like it, that feeling of pure love, pure bliss, ancient harmony coupled with ancient wisdom.
It bought with it a feeling of wholeness, of completion.
It felt like coming home.
Coming home to my heart.
Coming home to the love inside.
Making love is not just about achieving orgasm but about experiencing divine union.
It is not dirty.
It is not slutty.
It is not wrong.
It is connection
It is wisdom
It is union.
It is pure love.
When two consenting adults make love, there is so much more to it.
It’s not about how many times you do it a week, or how many partners you have, it is about connection.
Connection to source and connection to self – this is the love making I know.
The importance of letting go and becoming aware when making love will make your experience a much more powerful one, linking you and your partner in an energetic flow of love – the double helix – the perfect mergence of divine masculine and feminine – the perfect mergence of our physical aspect with our spiritual.
If you are like me and have been married a long time this is an aspect of love making you may have forgotten about.
In the midst of raising children, school runs, working, studying, love making can at times feel more like a chore, but I encourage you to reset.
To view making love as that – making love, not as a something you have to do to keep your partner satisfied.
I want you to remember the love you have for each other.
I want you to experience the love you have for each other.
I want you to experience the love you have for each other, and then you will experience the love you have for your self.
You are here together to remind each other of who you are as an eternal, spiritual being – one filled with love, one filled with compassion and one filled with ecstatic joy.
Divine sexual energy is a powerful force and one that can be harnessed and used for manifestation, inspiration and creation.
“How does it feel to carry that anger in your heart?
Does it lessen as the days go by?”
Mary Magdalene, the movie.
This week’s blog has been inspired by the movie, Mary Magdalene – which I watched both last night and the night before.
I’ve never really understood the importance of forgiveness but the enormity of it really hit me last night.
I’m all about inner peace.
TempleSoul is all about finding your own inner peace, your own TempleSoul.
If we raise the resonance of each individual, we raise the resonance of the entire planet.
The power lies within, it does not reside outside of us.
Forgiveness is a very important step in achieving inner peace.
The following was an excerpt from the movie….
“The Kingdom is here now.
It’s not something we can see with our own eyes.
It’s within us now.
All we have to do is let go of our anguish, our resentment and we become like children, just as he said.
The kingdom cannot be built through conflict, not by opposition, not by destruction.
It grows within us with every act of love and care, with our forgiveness.
We have the power to lift the people
Just as he did
And then we will be free,
Just as he is”
The kingdom – is inner peace.
We can’t see it, as it’s not a physical thing, it is a state of being.
We need to not only let go of anguish and resentment, but also hate, fear, anger and jealousy – anything that goes against love and kindness.
It’s available to us to experience in every moment of our lives and we can achieve it by being love and being kindness and being compassionate. We can experience it only when we let go of any anger that we are feeling inside because while we carry that anger within, we cannot feel peace.
To become like a child may have a double meaning – children trust and forgive and let go effortlessly. We can only find our TempleSoul, if we are like a child – meaning……
We can only find the love inside our hearts, if we let go – of the anger inside and trust like a child – then we find the kingdom – inner peace and eternal love.
Alternatively, like a child could mean living as an extension of divine love – the greater energy of love (often referred to as God, All that is, The Universe etc etc) being the parent and we being a child in that union.
Anything that goes against the energy of love will stop you from feeling it and therefore stop you from achieving inner peace.
“The kingdom cannot be built through conflict, not by opposition, not by destruction”
We as individuals are our own kingdom, and we as a collective whole are a kingdom.
We cannot achieve inner peace while we have any inner conflict, if we oppose love with our actions or we destroy our sense of well being with negative thoughts, words, emotions or actions.
Similarly we cannot achieve world peace through conflict.
We cannot achieve world peace through opposition.
We cannot achieve world peace through destruction,
We can only achieve inner peace and world peace through the act of love.
We can only achieve inner peace and world peace through the act of kindness.
We can only achieve inner peace and world peace through the act of forgiveness.
You are living your authentic truth when you are happy, when things flow effortlessly towards you, doors mysteriously open, the path ahead is well lit and you can see it clearly.
You are living your authentic truth when you jump out of bed each morning and feel grateful to be alive, eager to see what the day brings.
You are in flow, you are aligned with your truth and you are being authentic.
To live your authentic truth sometimes takes great courage but I can guarantee you when you are in line with your soul truth and you are living your life with authenticity, naturally in flow, you can’t help but be happy, peaceful and joyful.
Being true to yourself, no matter what that looks like, is the greatest gift you could give yourself.
Being authentic means to not hide behind a mask of who you thinkyou should be.
Being authentic means to be your self – without compromise.
Learn to honor your soul, learn to honor your authenticity.
Where does your heart lie?
This will get you on your right path.
Always follow your heart, let your heart be your guide.
Do what you love and what so moves your soul – when you learn to do this, you will be living authentically.
By being authentic we are coming back to truth – our soul’s calling.
Authenticity comes from the heart, not the head.
So many of us are a certain way because we’ve been moulded by society, by schools, by families even by friends.
Sometimes we find ourselves living a life we are not aligned with and let me tell you there are no blocks to living your authentic truth – only ones you place in front of yourself.
If we are not following our heart’s truth we can end up creating subconscious blocks that can manifest in our physical reality, in the shape of illness.
A sore throat can manifest because we are holding back, we are not speaking our truth.
Stomach problems can arise if we are not standing in our power, if we are constantly suppressing ourselves, hiding our truth.
Hip problems can occur when we are fearful of the future and taking steps in the direction of our truth.
The right side represents the masculine, the left the feminine.
So be aware of what side your illness or discomfort appears.
If it presents itself on the right side, the issue could lie with a male figure in your life – a husband, partner, son, grandfather etc.
The left side is connected to, or could be connected to a mother, sister, wife or indeed your own feminine energy.
That’s where healing is so fascinating, and physical symptoms can be rectified in some cases immediately just by understanding where the ailment is stemming from.
We block ourselves through blocking our truth.
I’ve been a graphic designer most of my life working in television – a fast paced, tight deadline, high-energy job.
I was told by a number of healers and psychics for years that I was a healer – years before I had even contemplating doing energy healing.
Finally I listened to the guidance and started my course – it changed my life forever, and brought me into alignment with my souls calling and I have never, ever looked back.
Sure, I’m still a graphic designer and it is a vital part of my offering. I design all my offerings and in cases where others contribute to the design process I am keeping a very strict eye on them.
Tap into the source of your authenticity and live your truth openly and confidently, honour yourself and your own unique and sparkly light.
“Sugar, come on! Show your soul,
You’re keeping your love under control”
This week’s inspirational song is Original Of The Species by U2 and you can listen to it on TempleTunes – turn it up loud and dance around the room, authentically and without reservation.
Your light deserves to shine.
For daily inspiration and guidance click here to follow TempleSoulHealing on the socials.
The reason I meditate is to still the mind, to create space within and to tune in to my authentic heart – my soul song.
I still the mind so I can listen to my heart.
I listen to my heart because then I can hear the whispers of my soul – my spirit – my authentic self.
I create space and by this I mean I clear my ‘energetic’ space to allow for the new to enter.
I do this through my healing – giving myself regular sessions to clear the energy – this is what energy healing is all about, helping you clear out the old, the unwanted, the no longer necessary, the negative – all the things that are taking up space in your precious energy field.
Why would I want to do that?
When our energetic field is compromised, and by that I mean clogged up with negative energy, it affects our vision, our ability to see clearly. It can also cause serious disease in our physical bodies if left untreated.
When we clear our energy field we get closer to our authentic self, not the projected self – not the ego.
I so often come across clients who are so convincing with their I am’s– and I always caution them to be mindful of the words they use and who they say they are – they say it with such conviction, they start to believe it.
I ama stay at home mother
I aman investment banker
I ama graphic designer
I aman accountant, (sorry about that)
If we pigeon hole ourselves and believe with every fiber of our being that we are what we say we are then we give ourselves no chance to be anything else.
If you believe you are one thing, how can you ever open up to the possibility of being something else? Maybe if you opened your heart to that higher power and let it flow through you effortlessly, without blocking it with your very convincing I am’s– imagine what could open up for you.
Maybe if you let go and listened to your spirit’s true calling, your authentic self – you might be something entirely different – and you may find yourself on an exciting new adventure, one that you never deemed possible.
If you can dream it, you can be it.
I often say to my clients,
“ Right now, at this very moment, if you could be anyone or anything in the world – what would you be?”
I’d like you to answer that question now.
If you said something entirely different from who or what you are being now I’d like you to ask yourself why?
Why aren’t you living your truth?
Why aren’t you being your authentic self?
And I’d rather not get excuses, I’d rather get action.
I want you right now to take steps to align yourself with your truth. It doesn’t have to be a huge step – just a little step every day in the direction of your truth.
But how do you know if you’re living your authentic truth, aligning with your authentic spirit?
When you detach and learn not to expect something to be a certain way, let things happen as they should without force and control – perfectly – then you’re life and the way you move through it will begin to flow so much more smoothly.
Peace comes from inside – no matter what’s going on outside.
Peace comes when we are able to just accept things for what they are, and not have to react aggressively or angrily. Peace comes when we are able to detach ourselves from people who are no good for us. Peace comes when we let go of harboring resentment or anger at someone who we think has hurt us. Peace comes when we learn not to be jealous, spiteful or hurtful.
Accept every situation as perfect.
Instead of thinking,
Why is this happening tome?
Why is this happening for me?
What is my learning from this situation, person or nightmare?
You’ll soon see that indeed everything that happens for you is happening perfectly.
Why not let yourself make mistakes, and happily look at what you can learn from them, not beat yourself up over them.
Instead of striving for perfection, know you are perfect just as you are.
So as you go about your day today, think of me and smile at your adversity, smile at your misfortunes, smile at your achievements, smile at the grump who served you coffee this morning, smile, because everything that is happening for you today is happening perfectly.
I hope you have the most perfect day.
And tonight as you are drifting off to sleep I want you to log on to TempleTunes and listen to Lou Reed’s Perfect Day,and be glad you spent the day with you – you perfectly gorgeous being.
On the one hand, perfect conjures up a kind of feeling that everything has to be ‘right’ and ‘just’ or a ‘certain way’ for us to be happy and joyful.
But perfection can make you feel undervalued, unloved and not enough.
Striving to be perfect in everything you do is exhausting and a very stressful way to live indeed.
On the other hand – knowing you areperfect – just as you are – whole and complete can help you live a stress free life.
At the core of your being, in the centre of your heart – lies your truth.
That’s why so many light workers tell you to ‘go within’ or ‘find the space inside your heart’, it’s because it is there that everything is perfect.
We create an idea of what perfect is and what it is not – it is just based on our individual perception.
How do you view perfect?
I would like you to spend today practicing the following –
No matter what happens to you throughout the day, whatever the experience ‘appears’ to be – whether you deem it to be fabulous or frustrating, a success or a failure, spend a moment just letting it be.
Detach from reacting to the situation out of habit or fear and view it from the outside looking in.
I want you to take a different view, today and everyday.
Instead of stewing all day over your morning coffee that wasn’t quite hot enough, your partner not texting you back, being cut off on your morning commute, not getting that raise you were hoping for, not getting that promotion you were after – whatever the case may be – I want you to take a different view.
I want you to experience that moment for what it is – perfect!
Bad, good or indifferent – it is perfect – whole and complete.
Perfectly designed by you, for you, so that you can move into alignment with the greatest version of your ‘self’.
Every person you meet has stepped across your path at the perfect time and for the perfect purpose, so that you can move into alignment with the greatest version of your ‘self’.
Every situation you encounter has been sent to you at the perfecttime and for the perfectpurpose, so that you can move into alignment with the greatest version of your ‘self’.
Not your perceived ego self, but your soul truth – your spirit – your real self, your perfectself.
So we have established we are an energetic being, and we are part of one eternal energetic field that vibrates at the highest frequency – love.
You are love, at your core and it is from this we come and to this we return.
Our universe is made up of realms and dimensions and they all vibrate at different frequencies.
I like to think of our Universe as a 12 story building and as we go from the first floor to the twelfth we resonate at higher and higher frequencies, the twelfth being pure love.
So by becoming aware of how we work, we can start getting rid of all the lower vibrational energies trapped within our being, and start resonating at a higher frequency – aligned with love and peace.
If you think of your own being in terms of this 12 story building – the aim is to try and vibrate as close as you can to the top stories.
I tell you what – when you take the lift to the 12th floor, it’s a pretty spectacular view!
So by understanding you are energy, by understanding resonance, by understanding lower and higher vibrational frequencies, you will begin to understand how the universe works, and you will begin to understand that we are not only one with the universal energy of love, but we are all connected to each other – extensions of one divine frequency.
Are you still with me???
Feel free to start a chat if you are feeling confused. And I will be more than happy to answer your questions.
Negative energies also become trapped in our field – not only our field, but everyone’s field – all of our collective energy flows into the larger field of consciousness and creates either peace or turmoil on a global scale depending on what we are emitting.
Think of yourself as a little transmitter – transmitting negative or positive energy out into a bigger energetic grid.
What are you transmitting??
If we emit love, joy and happiness can you imagine the state of the world???
Can you see what might happen if we emit fear, sadness and loathing???
We would have a hostile, aggressive, fearful world – what are you seeing now???
Finding your own inner peace is not only beneficial for you but beneficial for the entire planet, the entire universe.
Send out good vibes – receive good vibes.
It is possible to live a peaceful and joyful life and I’m about to show you how.
Welcome to your journey, your journey within to find your own TempleSoul.
If you are not yet doing so please follow my Instagram feed as I will be sending you heaps more daily guidance based on my bi-weekly blog – just so you can stay focused on the weekly lessons.
It’s where Golden Light streams from deep in your heart,
It’s where calmness descends and self-love starts.
It’s where freedom and joy
Dance together as one
It’s where spirit and soul
Bathe in the sun
It’s where you love all around you
And speak as you should
It’s where you live in spirit
It’s your soul neighbourhood
Your TempleSoul – is where your true voice sings
So listen to that voice
And feel the joy that it brings.”
Jules – SoulPoet
Before we get started I want to familiarize you with your spiritual body.
I’m sure it’s not something many of you have considered or been taught about but it’s really important you know a few basic principles about the universe and you, as a spiritual being – that way what I teach you will make more sense.
Why is this important???
Because just like nutrition and exercise is important for our physical and mental health and knowing how these things affect our bodies, we need to know how we work as an energetic being – as our energy, our vibration, creates our reality.
When you become aware of this, you can start to manifest what you want into your physical reality.
When you become aware of this, you can start directing your energy towards the things you want and you will become mindful of not directing your energy towards the things you don’t want.
Everyone and everything is energy – everything in this entire universe.
We are not matter, we are energy – energy vibrating at different frequencies – and all part of ‘one’ eternal energetic field.
I’m trying to keep this simple, so as not to lose you and we will get down to practicalities as soon as next week, but I feel it’s important to know this first.
You are energy, your words are energy, your thoughts and feelings are energy.
When we talk about lower vibrational energies we are merely talking about negative energies that lower your vibration.
Hate, jealousy, sadness and fear are some examples of what can lower our vibration.
Happiness, joy, gratitude and love are some examples of what can raise our vibration.
Why do we need to raise our vibration??
Because then we can live a life filled with happiness, joy, gratitude and love – peace on earth, as they say.
What I am passionate about teaching is a simple way for you to find your own TempleSoul – all of you on an individual basis because ultimately that will raise the resonance of the entire planet – the entire universe and that’s the ultimate goal.
I threw myself into my energy healing course with great vigour – with passion and with purpose.
Those who know me well will attest I do that with everything I love and this was no exception.
This energy healing thing, really resonated with me.
I went from enroling in the course in January 2016 to opening TempleSoul – the physical space in Singapore in May of that same year.
I opened my own space as I wanted it to reflect my energy, my style, my uniqueness – this was very important to me.
The same goes for teaching.
I want to teach you in my own way, in my own style, my own uniqueness.
When I heal, I see everyday people, every day.
People like you, going through every day challenges most of us face daily.
My job is to help you, through the ancient practice of energy healing.
As I am Intuitive, I get a reading from your higher self with guidance about what you need now – at this very present moment in time to help you through whatever it is you are facing.
This is my clients favorite part of the healing and it always resonates very deeply.
That’s what I’m here to do, to hold your hand and give you practical solutions to your problems.
To give you guidance and advice that you can put into practice immediately with astonishing results.
I’ve taken all that I’ve learned over the last three years of study and gathered it all up and will deliver it in a way everyday people can understand.
Just little things you can do, every day, to help you smile throughout your day and your journey through life.
As challenges arise throughout your day, as they will, I will be there to guide you through.
So I’m changing direction.
I think I’ve told you enough of my story and I’d like to now bring you ‘life’ stories.
Life stories we all share – life lessons we all face.
To build a strong community of like minded people (who aren’t so interested in angels and tarot but more interested in the science behind the human body – the energetic vehicle that we all are) as it’s being shown to me.
Through ‘real’ life experiences that you are experiencing and I am experiencing –
divorce, heartache, job loss, financial pressure, unrequited love, uncertainty, fear, blocks, the list goes on.
Sounds fun doesn’t it???
But don’t worry, this blog is all about bringing light to the darkness – or in other words, bringing peace to the challenges you are facing.
I’m going to show you a different way of looking at life, give you an alternative view.
It’s all about perception.
So, I’m going to base this years blog on the healings I give.
The inspiration and guidance I receive each and every day to help you love and enjoy every day here on earth – even if the times are tough – in fact especially when the times are tough.
You are important to me.
Your wellbeing is important to me.
I am here for you.
PS I haven’t forgotten what I said to you at the end of last year. So stay tuned for the TempleSoul Sealed Section – SoulSeductions – which will be available later this year.
Last night as I drifted off to sleep I was thinking of the best way to teach you.
My latest book, TempleSoul – A Sanctuary Within, was written with the soul purpose of helping you navigate your way through life more peacefully, mindfully and joyfully.
This is why we’re here – having this physical experience so we can raise our vibration, so that not only we as individuals feel more peaceful but we as a collective feel more peaceful.
I want to teach you how to become your own TempleSoul.
When I attended the HayHouse Writers Workshop in Melbourne in 2018, I was lucky enough to see Rebecca Campbell, author of Light Is The New Black and Rise Sister Rise.
Something she said really struck a cord and has stayed with me since then.
“Be the teacher you wished you had”.
All of my teachers have been incredible and I feel blessed that each and every one of them crossed my path. They all offered incredible guidance and wisdom in their own unique way.
But for me there seemed to be something missing.
(Which I later found while studying energy healing with Ashati)
I’m a pretty straight forward person, honest and upfront and do not get me wrong I love ALL things spiritual no matter what form it arrives. But no-one really taught me ‘how’ the Universe worked, or ‘who’ we were as energetic beings, or ‘why’ we were having this life experience.
There was talk of tribes gathering and circles forming, the sisterhood rising but I wanted practical guidance.
The type of guidance I could use every day to make my life more peaceful, more joyful.
I wanted something to help me navigate my way through the often turbulent waters of life.
Times change, people change, perceptions change and it is important we change with it.
It is important to relate to people in a real sense, relate to people in a way they understand.
I feel it is my duty to teach spirituality in a new way – one that you will understand. I want to take the ‘weird’ and ‘crazy’ out of spirituality because whether you like it or not you are a spiritual being – A spiritual being having a physical experience.
You are an energetic being and if you know the way you work as an energetic being, you will dance with the flow of life effortlessly, with grace and ease.
But when you’re in a marriage with children involved you usually make choices with everyone’s best interests at heart, rarely are they based solely on yourneeds and yourneeds alone.
But this last year and the challenges it brought with it pushed me to actually stand in my power and affirm what is was that Ineeded.
It’s not selfish to have your needs met – it is a necessity.
If we deny ourselves what we really desire in life, based on the happiness of others it is a recipe for disaster!
What came out of last years big challenge for me, was the realization I had lived my entire life making other people happy.
Don’t get me wrong I was happy to, but I was putting myself and my needs last, and sometimes, not at all.
When Jules and I sat down at our first Barefoot Investor date night at the Boozy Rouge in Richmond, (More on that later) I wrote on the table cloth how many houses we had lived in while we had been married.
The answer was 19.
I was actually tired.
I was exhausted.
Adelaide, Sydney, Melbourne, Singapore, Sydney, Melbourne. (And they were just the places we lived)
Moving, moving, moving.
Unpacking boxes, culling, re-sorting, canceling, readdressing, new schools, new houses, new cars,
It was time to lay down some roots.
The six weeks in solitude gave me the space to really dive deep, deep into my soul and find out what it was that Ireally wanted going forward.
Where I wanted to expend my energy.
What was taking up space unnecessarily in my body?
What needed to stay?
What needed to go?
It was my turn now – well you know it always has been but I am only just realizing the fine balance between giving and receiving.
Do you give too much and feel unworthy of receiving???
Are you aware of what is taking up space, energetically in your body?
What is it that needs to stay and what is it that needs to go?
“Attached to nothing, connected to everything……..”
This year as the clock ticked over to the new year, a personal number eight year for me, I have never felt so relaxed, so at peace and so content.
This year as the clock ticked over I didn’t feel the need to madly make new years resolutions, be thinner, be happier, be fitter, create this, create that, go here, go there.
I think for the first time in my life I was completely happy with myself, happy just to be, knowing all was perfectly in its place and I was exactly where I was meant to be.
Having that knowledge brings with it such a profound sense of peace.
I have spent the last seven years madly doing, doing, doing.
I’ve created apps, websites for kids, written a book, started another, opened three new businesses, created a candle and incense range, created a jewellery range, illustrated a picture book for kids, traveled the world – it has literally been go, go, go and now it’s time to
To breathe and just to be.
The work is done – the foundations are set.
The most important thing for me to do right now is just to open my heart and watch life flow through me, bringing life and movement to all the offerings I have created from spirit, from my heart.
There’s no sense of urgency, no feelings of regret, there’s not a million thoughts racing around my head, there is just a profound sense of peace.
And a feeling that all is well – I have learnt to let go and put my faith and trust in that much higher power – that part of me that is unpenetrable, unmovable, unflustered – calm, knowing and wise.
Attached to nothing, connected to everything.
(Anon – These are not my words but someone else’s)
But of course peace rarely comes from a smooth ride – we learn to become peaceful on this journey when we go through the tough times, when we overcome difficulties, illness, death, separation, change, movement, unexpected surprises and as with everyone, we certainly have had our fair share.
A warm welcome back to TempleSoul and a Happy New Year to you all.
I have taken some time off to be by myself over the last couple of months.
I moved…..again, which is not unusual for this gypsy soul but this move is going to be for the next four years at the very least!
(I say that now with firm conviction, but realize that’s not how it always works)
I have been with my current partner for the last thirty years and at 47 that is most of my life. Time alone hasn’t served much of a place in my life and towards the end of last year I decided I needed some time out – just for me, to clear my head, create some space and reflect on where I’d been and where I was at.
Four children, a partner, a brown dog and constantly moving hasn’t left much time just for me.
It was time to reassess.
The last seven years have been extremely challenging and last year was no exception, possibly the most challenging but as I always say, if you are aware and in tune to the workings of the universe you will know that every situation whether you deem it to be a challenge or not is for your learning and growth.
I will be discussing these challenges as they will be ones you yourself have no doubt faced at some stage of your lives, but that’s for later.
What’s important now is now.
I drove down to Melbourne on November 16thlast year, armed with all I would need for the coming weeks. (Until the family arrived later that year).
I would have six weeks off.
It was truly a life changing experience.
It was just me, for six glorious weeks.
I knew this alone time was critical for me. It would be make or break if I didn’t affirm my power and have my needs met and get the space I needed.
The move back from Singapore was tough but closing down TempleSoul one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
But what came out of that was one of the greatest learning’s of my life.
And for my final post for this year why don’t we finish on a high note.
A beautiful orgasmic ride back to our suppressed sexual energy.
In the very early hours of the 22nd of September, as dawn was breaking, I could hear Jules channeling – this is a very regular occurrence now and usually happens after I have done a massive meditation, asked for guidance or have done some healing work.
Aah, we are blessed to be experiencing this human life and we are blessed to be on a journey through it with the guides and angels beside us.
This is an exert from the 4 pages of guidance we received.
“So, I received some guidance on a practice to share with you and think we should go with spirit and honour the guidance. I also received information for you regarding the transmutation of sexual energy.”
As I said earlier it is important to integrate this energy.
“We were both right last night. You are right that fully accessing your sexual energy unlocks limitless abundance in terms of creativity, strength, success, the manifestation of dreams and desires, achievements of goals etc – but to achieve this you must completely and totally surrender to the physical as a critical sense. To burn away the dominant, patriarchal suppression of your deepest sensual, sexual, physical, erotic desires, you must fully embrace and experience them first.
This may only take a short time, but it must be a mindful, present and physical process shared in divine union with an open heart without fear, hesitation or shame. In a safe, loving and nurturing environment.
I am here to support you and guide your heart, your body and your gorgeous soul through this part of the amazing journey you are on.
Let’s step into it together”
Lucky I didn’t divorce him!
It’s been a big year, a big forty seven but hopefully through reading my blog and following my journey you will see that everything that happens to you, happens for a reason; that every person you meet is a teacher and guide and please remember life is to be enjoyed, not endured.
Is this why I was rejecting Jules all of a sudden?
Was the fear so strong, so old, so intense that I would rather run away than face it?
Thankfully in all our years of marriage sex has never been an issue and Jules is the most open, sensual lover and he creates a safe space for me to explore and play in that realm in any way I choose.
He is totally open to anything I want to try and I realise now why we are together and why our union and bond is so strong.
He is here for so many reasons but one is to be there so I can fully let go and surrender to the power of my divine sexual feminine energy that I have actually been suppressing for many years.
He is here to help me integrate what I have been running away from.
He is here to honour and nourish my sensual, sexual powerful feminine essence.
I have been frightened of its power.
I have been frightened of its strength.
I was overwhelmed and terrified, such was my conditioning through growing up, school and societal teachings.
Sexual energy is unlike anything I have ever felt, when it is fully brought into awareness it is boundless, limitless and incredible.
Ladies, this is what we are made of and this is what the patriarchy has been trying to keep hidden over the millennia and I implore you to dig deep and come with me on a voyage of self discovery to reclaim your own sexual energy that I have no doubt has been suppressed in one way or another across your lifetime, just by the mere fact that you are a woman.
After that first session and before my second, which I had booked the following Monday I went over some of my various readings and healings, even my earliest meditations I had transcribed and they all mentioned the fear.
This is the thing with shadow work.
We’re not always aware of what’s lurking beneath because we have hidden it away in the shadows for so long.
Equally important though was what was this fear stemming from?
When you do energy work and bring in the energy from Source it makes its way through the crown and down through the chakras. Any blockages will be revealed the deeper you get into your work. When the energy can’t get through, the next lesson is brought forth.
It is brought forth so we can remove the stagnant and blocked energy that is likely to be keeping us stuck in old and outdated belief systems which may be preventing us from moving forward.
Shadow work is so important as by suppressing traits we deem less than desirable we are ignoring and suppressing a part of ourselves.
My fear stemmed from when I was a very little girl.
I re-read a reading Clive gave me some weeks earlier that said fear was preventing me from fully moving forward and that it was stuck in my hips.
So that was what was being released while I was with WildFrau – the fear was what was rising up to be healed and the sickness I had after the acupuncture wasn’t in fact a clearing but was actually fear of facing what was coming up – more a kind of repulsion or aversion.
Also my need to run away, to leave my marriage, to be by myself was also a form of running away from myself of not wanting to face it, the fear that I had locked away for so very long.
I did a huge meditation on the Sunday and before I did it I pulled two cards. One from the mirror deck and one from the ……Oracle.
One was Sexuality and the other Dark Night Of The Soul
It was cold down at Bondi – a fierce wind was blowing up from the sea and it baffled me how those desperate surfers could be out there in such conditions.
I heard my name from behind and turned around to see a very gentle, smiling man – I immediately felt at peace.
We walked over to the soundproof music rooms.
“Oh God” I thought – “more screaming!”
We had a chat, one that would see me talking incessantly, skirting around the issue, not wanting to go there – open up Pandoras box…..again. Eventually I stopped talking and started listening.
He just said one word.
And this was what we would work on today, that and some bashing with a metre length of plastic pipe.
I will be honest – I’ve done a lot of that in the past and I just wanted to do the breath work.
In the last half an hour we gave it a go.
I knew it would be awesome – I love working with the breath.
It was different to anything I had done before.
I lay down on a mat and breathed in through an open mouth and out through an open mouth.
The facilitator, in this case Martin guided me through the process.
It was so fascinating.
It started almost straight away – and there it was – the fear…..deep, dark fear, lurking in a deep, dark place.
The session was amazing and in it Martin was trying to coax out my voice. He was asking me just to make a single sound from this place of fear and no matter how hard I tried absolutely nothing would come out.
I just kept thinking, “Just one sound, that’s all I have to do, make just one sound”.
The session ended and I hadn’t managed to make a single solitary sound, but I had connected with the fear.
This was the next challenge – to clear the fear out of the body and there was no other way to do it but to connect with it, clear it and heal it.
You are probably wondering why one would put themselves through this.
But that’s why we’re here.
That’s why we have chosen to have a physical experience.
To learn and to hopefully grow.
To learn to grow from our experiences and flow with life more peacefully and gracefully knowing that all we experience is for our learning and growth.
Since I started my journey all those years ago I knew the kundalini would play a starring role.
When you become aware of what is happening you can work with the energy and at your pace – although the guidance after the session was “Rest To Create” – so I might try and take that on board.
We work on raising the kundalini to get back to wholeness to get back to the truth of who we are as a spiritual being.
To learn to silence the ego, so the heart may have its turn.
It’s true, it’s not always a pleasant experience but I believe one that is well worth the pain. It’s severity depends on a whole list of factors – past lives, and ego structure and the nervous system has to be strong enough to receive this powerful energy transmission for it to be able to rise fully and safely.
Sometimes it takes lifetimes to rise and lifetimes of conscious meditation and energy work to clear the path so it can rise – each of us is unique, each of us different and our journey’s will differ accordingly to what we have chosen to learn in this lifetime, to what we as individuals have called forth as lessons.
As those higher chakras open it can challenge the ego and that’s why it takes time – time to fully integrate these energetic changes as you learn to live a heart based existence and not an ego based one.
I know I’m still in the throws of integration and I admit I feel sad and angry and I can’t explain why but I fully trust this amazing and magical process and know when all is released and all is integrated I shall be born anew.
The light of consciousness exposes the darkness of the psyche – the shadow side and we have to learn to embrace this, not to shy away from it or pretend it’s not there as that’s where blockages start.
Embrace the shadows, so you can fully bask in the light.
Kundalini awakening restructures your entire nervous system and that in turn affects your entire being – mind, body and soul.
As each individual chakra is cleansed and balanced a new awareness arises, your conscious awareness expands and you ‘see’ things from your mind’s eye – your heart – and your perspective becomes much more pure and loving.
And when the kundalini makes its way up it then comes back down to its final resting place within the heart.
The benefits of a kundalini rising are many and varied. Increased artistic expression may present itself, stamina and your energy levels rise, your spiritual powers and psychic abilities will be heightened and as the kundalini is sexual in nature an increase in sexual energy may be welcomed.
It was really interesting because this session picked up from where it left off.
This time I was with four other beautiful women – one French, one South African, one Argentinian, one German and the token Aussie – me!
There was still wild, uncontrollable movement in the hips and there was still sadness in that ‘spot’.
We worked on this a little more and it subsided.
This session there was no screaming though – just tears – some more gentle releasing and clearing.
The second session was interesting in that there was a quietness and stillness to the session. There was a lot of white light and peace – it was all quiet and all internal. The group on the whole was quiet and the music was in line with the healing during the session.
We had a break after this session before commencing the final one.
The final one was my absolute favourite and so different from all the others.
It was a transmission – an influx of new light energy and it was blissful and cathartic – I could feel it just streaming in – straight from the higher levels of consciousness through Katrin and into me.
Words cannot describe the pure state of bliss one feels as this occurs.
And it just didn’t stop. For the full hour as I breathed in, the light would enter and as I breathed out the light would integrate – it felt amazing.
The kundalini energy can often be likened to a full body orgasm as at times that is what it feels like. You kind of have to experience it to believe it.
I have experienced the full force of this sexual energy and its power and it is so profound and so life-altering that one really needs to know how to channel such an intense energetic transmutation.
This one was different to my last spontaneous kundalini awakening a few years ago – Jules rode the benefits of that for years after (No pun intended) – no this one was different as it was a full body transmutation, the last one, although just a partial awakening – from solar plexus to throat was quite primal, wild and almost unstoppable in nature – this was different.
This one was blissful in a different way.
It was just incredible and I new something special was taking place and I would just lie in a state of grateful receptivity for the remainder of the session.
At the next acupuncture session I told Trudy what happened.
Was I allergic to something in the herbal capsule??? We did some muscle testing on this which did bring up a few things but we concluded that actually the acupuncture coupled with the wildness of Katrin’s energy sessions had stirred up my energy perhaps a little too much.
I admit I smiled briefly when she said to perhaps lay off the kundalini for a while and let things settle.
I smiled because I was booked in to do a full day Divine Goddess Kundalini Transmission the following week in Bondi.
I wasn’t entirely sure that doing the workshop was a good idea but something was telling me to go.
I wasn’t sure whether I was going to share that with Trudy now or ever – I think I would just see how things went.
The Saturday rolled around and off I went in comfortable clothes with a yoga mat under my arm.
The old throat chakra – stubborn and closed as always – afraid of being unblocked should I really step into speaking my truth.
What was it that I didn’t want myself to say?
What part of me doesn’t want to speak her truth?
Katrin and I just looked at each other – a little bemused and perplexed.
“I think you’ve got a blockage in your throat?”
” I think you just need to have a good scream – to really unblock it – get it out”
I knew this, but somehow screaming made me nervous – expressing myself in this very surrendered state terrified me.
I’m not sure I can explain why.
And I can feel where the blockage is and so could Katrin. During the transmission she would press her finger just lightly between my breast bone and my throat chakra at the exact spot. What was it???
Did it matter???
We don’t really always need the answer, we can just let go and let the healing take place. All I knew was that it was linked to profound anger and sadness – that I could feel and it was very raw and overwhelming.
So our two hour session was done.
I admit, it had left me wanting more.
It had left me wanting that serpent to crash through that stubborn, bloody throat chakra so I could step into my true voice of expression once and for all.
Katrin just smiled and said
“I have a goddess circle starting at 6pm. Why don’t you stay for that?”
The power of any energy work is amplified in a group session.
So stay I would.
I had time to have a warm mug of herbal tea and then it was time to meet my goddess tribe.
Well no matter how conscious you think you are, there can be unconscious patterns and beliefs, negative emotions still lurking about in the shadows and that is exactly what raising the kundalini is about.
The kundalini fire burns away all these outdated patterns, learned behaviours, anger, pain and guilt so that all that remains is the light – pure and loving.
It’s not a gentle process by any means – at least that is my experience.
No, it’s like a freakin’ roller-coaster – a really fast, horrendous one – hard, fast, with twists and turns so intense you truly believe you can’t hold on anymore – and then relief, when you open your eyes and the world has stopped turning and everything is still again.
That’s what my first experience with Katrin was like.
As I have explained recently, kundalini is a spiritual energy and has enormous power – it is a part of each and every one of us and in most cases lays dormant within us.
It is either dormant or active, awake or asleep.
I didn’t know how my body would react but I just let it do it’s thing as much as I could.
I could feel it rising up and as it passed through each of my lower chakras I would have a beautiful but intense clearing – much like the calm after a storm.
I felt like I was on fire as it made it’s way up smoking out all the debris, clearing away the dead wood, cleansing and clearing the path for ascension to occur.
I felt intense sadness – sadness on a scale I had never felt before and it was old, very old. I had flashes of past lives, vivid recollections and not nice ones either.
My body responded in its usual way – highly energetic – it was just moving all over the place, in a kind of chaotic way. I would be calm one minute and then be doing the bridge pose the next – the exposure of my heart centre and throat chakra feeling free and at the same time exposed and vulnerable.
It was working its magic.
This powerful, electric, goddess energy was purifying every ounce of me rising up through the chakras one by one, I could feel how far it was traveling – it’s ascension made more frantic and in tune with the very loud rock music WildFrau had chosen as the backdrop.
“Darling it Hurts to See You Down Darlinghurst Tonight………”
Before I begin with my story I shall share a bit of Katrin’s.
“KAP is a direct Kundalini transmission that activates the kundalini awakening process. Spontaneous movements can and do arise. Some consider it a cathartic experience or something that gives them deep insights or realisations. But these are just some of the side effects that can happen. A profound rewiring of the brain structure and central nervous system takes place with continued exposure. “
What happens in a KAP session
“You lie down on a yoga mat. Some music is played. The facilitator touches or presses some of the chakra or meridian points on your body. That’s all that happens on the outside. What happens on the inside is a totally different story!”
You’re damn right it is.
I don’t even know where to begin!
Sometimes a divine soul steps across your path at exactly the right moment – well lets face it that always happens, such is the Universe’s way.
Katrin is a very special lady, with an extremely special gift – authentic and humble she doesn’t even seemed fazed by what she can do and what she does is nothing short of extraordinary.
After a brief chat and lots of smirking I lay down on the yoga mat.
I opened my heart and made my intention clear – I was going to hold nothing back – this would be the day I would finally learn to let go.
I’ve been ‘losing’ things since my awakening began 5 years ago. (Possibly longer, it is just that I became aware of it 5 years ago)
Reading this bought so much clarity, so much meaning and purpose to what was swirling around me.
Singapore, TempleSoul, precious and adored friends, houses, jobs, financial security, a life I utterly adored and loved – everything felt like it was being taken away from me – the very foundation of who I thought I was, was being shaken to the core.
I felt unsupported on so many fronts.
Here is the prolapse again, which has been worsening and extremely noticeable over the last 5 years – the unsupported woman in me.
How am I going to strengthen her and support my wants and needs going forward???
Support comes from strengthening your core.
Strengthening and lifting.
It’s about finding the strength that lies within you, finding the strength to stand in all your womanly power – independent, powerful and strong.
It’s about looking after yourself, offering yourself support, not looking after everyone else’s needs and ignoring your own.
Everything you need lies within you.
You are powerful beyond belief, capable of incredible transformation, growth and extraordinary healing.
It’s all on offer if you would just tap in.
Find out who you really are and what you are truly capable of.
When my girlfriend came to look after our house and mad, crazy brown lab Coco I was showing her around when she suddenly pulled a book from my shelf – it was Womb Wisdom by Padma and Anaiya Aon Prakasha
I had bought it off the internet months ago but just popped it on my shelf.
She had pulled it for a reason.
I had read some of it a while back and the bookmark was still sitting snuggly in between chapters 3 and 4,
It kept following me around the house until finally I picked it up from the chair outside my bedroom and resumed reading.
Talk about synchronicity and flow.
I knew I was here to transform but up until last night I didn’t realise to what extent.
I knew it had something to do with my kundalini but I wasn’t quite aware of the strength and power it would unleash.
I’m here for a reason, as we all are, I’ve chosen my path and now it is time to “die into the vortex of the womb” – crazy stuff!
This particular chapter was resonating with me very strongly especially the following sentence……
As promised I went into meditation and started my pelvic floor exercises in sync with my breath.
On the in breath I was to relax and on the out breath contract.
I finished my 30 and then released the hold on my breath.
That’s when the first shift occurred.
I had a magnificent throat opening – it was beautiful – expansive and freeing.
I felt so much clearer, so much lighter and a beautiful sense of clarity and space around my throat and heart chakra and also my source connection channel – the channel that runs like a column of light around the spine – it felt like it had an enormous clean out.
The second was a real clearing and releasing through my hips, which have been tight and have felt restricted for most of my life.
So much happened and after just one session!!
I actually can’t wait until the next one and will be taking the children as soon as I can.
After my meditation Jules said he had come across a woman in Sydney who activated the kundalini – her name is Katrin or WildFrau – German, naturally!
She is passion, but most of all sexuality. She also stands for survival, individuality, courage and impulsiveness.
Kali’s esoteric attributes are passion and physical and transformative energy. Be alert to those who undermine your self-confidence – Kali is here to hurl your life onto a new path that will ultimately prove to be more fulfilling than your current path.
Time to strap myself in.
And then there is Lola and all those beautiful strong-willed wild aspects of me I have been trying to suppress.
To me these attributes are my very foundation, they are who I am at my core – they are my essential self and absolutely necessary if I am to become whole.
So given the guidance from the previous night, all about harnessing the kundalini energy, I realise now why I am being guided to this foundation.
I must have a strong foundation – root in order to be able to hold that very strong and powerful kundalini energy – as well as clear and balance my chakras so it can rise freely.
I chatted to the practitioner about whether or not she could work directly with the kundalini energy to which she replied yes, but that’s not what we were here to heal, but by the very nature of what I was trying to heal and its position the kundalini energy would be affected.
I seriously love the sacred and divine dance of life.
I told my practitioner about our move back from Singapore, closing down TempleSoul, my husbands three job losses in four years – how we moved back for Jules work and now we were in Sydney and one year in he had no job at all.
She explained that while giving birth and carrying and delivering four children definitely had impacted my prolapse its inability to heal was also because of how I was feeling – which was largely unsupported.
I work in a spiritual way now – with energy because that is what we are made of.
It is possible to heal physical ailments with a few adjustments to our thought patterns and limiting beliefs or even through drastic changes to our lifestyle if it is indeed this that is having an impact.
It is good to have an overall look at things rather than resorting to one way of healing.
We chatted about where she was going to put the needles and she explained as I mentioned before, they would be around the spleen chakra or sacral chakra, the digestive system or the solar plexus chakra and Muladhara – the root chakra, our foundation.
The Solar Plexus chakra represents our personal power, our self-esteem and confidence.
The Sacral chakra our creation/creativity, intimacy, sexuality and enjoyment.
The Root chakra is our foundation and support.It represents intention and manifestation, your right to be here, self-worth, self-preservation and our physical identity, it also represents our financial stability.
No wonder mine is on shaky ground!!!!
Mula – in Sanskrit means Root and Adhara, Support or base.
Could it be that my three lower chakras were also in sync with my three goddesses, Lilith, Lola and Kali???
After a little sleep-in and a late breakfast on Blues Point Road, it was off to my first acupuncture session.
Might I just say, I cannot believe I have never had this before!
I have been dealing with a mild prolapse since the birth of our youngest child 14 years ago and upon our return to Sydney I decided to do something about it.
I researched specialists in Sydney whom were referred to me and briefly explored the option of surgery.
I’m not a big one for surgery, especially not where my yoni is concerned.
Imagine if something went wrong down there???
After an horrendous examination I was given some options – neither of them were very appealing.
After a chat with a friend who is an obstetrician I started looking at alternative options.
Whilst back in Adelaide my sister Millie suggested I try acupuncture first.
I would much rather try this first before I rush into surgery.
It just does work in the most incredibly magical way.
I sat and had a chat to the acupuncturist and we talked about my symptoms.
I mentioned I was an energy healer and that I would be working alongside her to bring the maximum results to healing this very sacred feminine vessel.
As the talk progressed I realised I was not only here to fix my prolapse, I was here to become aware of other meanings of prolapse and of course to strengthen my root chakra, spleen chakra and solar plexus chakra – for ascension of course!
Of course there was more to it than having babies.
“It relates strongly and directly to my acceptance of my beautiful, sexy, powerful inner goddess.
Kali, Lilith and Lola are swirling and swirling within you.
The energy they are creating is tiring and bringing up feelings of doubt but they are – in their own nature feelings that should be – and can be transferred in to feelings of ecstasy, joy and self-love. Feelings of sexiness, confidence, ecstasy, sensuality and eroticism.”
Well now you’ve got my attention.
In various other blog posts I have spoken about Kali, Lilith and Lola.
Kali is the warrior for truth and freedom, she is tough love.
Lilith is a banner for female power, authenticity, and the act of reclaiming parts of our selves – she is wild and strong.
Lola is my divine feminine energy – a mix of Kali and Lilith with a little bit of me thrown in for good measure.
Lola is sexy, powerful, confident and mysterious. She is happy, relaxed, soulful and radiant. She is worthy and smart, funny and independent – quirky, creative, trustworthy and fun.
Oh, and did I mention naughty – or perhaps a little mischievous.
Her name is Lola – she is a showgirl after all.
She is 100% authentic.
Lola is pure and light, radiant and bright, she is powerful and strong, a virtuous song. She is knowing and wise with calm, gentle eyes. She knows no bounds and her love surrounds. She is perfectly free and uniquely me.
Yes, the guidance was very clear – it was time.
Time to bring into union all facets of myself that I was keeping hidden.
“These energies are manifesting within you daily and are growing and growing. Kali and Lilith are very present, as is Lola…..urging you to release your Kundalini Shakti energy and power to lead you in to the next phase of your Goddess reality.”
I’ve spoken about the kundalini energy before and how it is not to be taken lightly. Your body has to be strong and ready to hold this incredibly powerful energy.
Your chakras have to be clear, clean and balanced, your source connection channel strong – there is a lot of work that needs to be done not only on a physical but spiritual level aswell.
I’ve been doing a lot of healing over the past two and a half years, preparing my vessel for ascension, but there’s still a little way to go but by coming aware of this part of my journey I can consciously transmute this energy.
“Only when Shiva and Shakti combine can action, movement and creation arise. Until energy is impregnated with consciousness it is ignorant, disordered, aimless and “blind”.
Energy alone can produce nothing; consciousness bestows upon it content, form and direction.
Conversely, consciousness without energy is dormant power, sleeping energy, and on its own is unable to be the cause of anything.”
Shiva and Shakti exist within each of us as the masculine and feminine principles.
Shiva in the crown chakra – Sahasrara and Shakti in the root chakra – Muladhara.
When both energies unite in balance and harmony at the crown chakra –
“knowledge, knower and the object of knowledge become one. Once we have experienced this no desires remain within us because we realise unequivocally that everything we have ever yearned for is carried within us. In this state of absolute consciousness there are no polarities and therefore no more sorrows; there is only everlasting joy, unconditional love, unlimited compassion and total understanding for all living beings.”
It is amazing how your life can transform when you become conscious of who you are and what you are made of.
A whole new world comes into view when the veil of illusion is lifted.
We know this power, this kundalini Shakti energy was activated in me back in 2013.
There are two powerful energies that lay within us, the Hindu’s refer to them as Shiva and Shakti they are the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine energy.
“Shiva symbolises consciousness, the masculine principle.
Shakti symbolises the feminine principle, the activating power and energy.
Shakti energy means power, movement, change and nature – it is the material principle – the provider – abundance.
Shiva is pure consciousness – the unchanging, unlimited and unswayable observer,
Shiva and Shakti are manifestations of the all-in-one divine consciousness – different sides of the same coin.”
In order for the Kundalini to rise, we need to have a balance of these two energies.
For most of my youth and young, adult life my masculine energy was very pronounced. I was assertive, strong-willed and opinionated but there was another energy present – a very earthy, powerful and inherently sexual energy – it was very strong.
I can feel it – and at times it really frightened me – I could feel its power and spent the majority of my teens, twenties and thirties trying to suppress it.
I was terrified that should I integrate this energy, this power, what would happen???
In fact it felt like anything could happen and I wasn’t sure I was ready to let go, to surrender to this wild and natural force that lay within.
So that very night, after I had popped up the boundaries of protection, X came to me, as he often does, in a dream.
See how it all links up???
Everything and everyone is connected.
He comes to me spiritually with messages of encouragement, support or with guidance of what I need to learn and he always comes in the middle of a big shift.
So he came and hugged me so proudly.
This is different to what usually occurs, which is that I am feeling self-conscious, or I am doubting myself and my ability.
Could it be that I have finally integrated the energies he evoked in me???
This was straight after I had flexed my divine goddess muscle and protected all that was dear to me – he did come into my life to activate my divine goddess after all.
I was feeling fabulous that morning and had enrolled in an abundance workshop at the last minute as that is also what I am working through at the moment.
(I’m a busy goddess)
His name was Jason Snaddon and he was fabulous.
He is The Abundance Activator!
So as part of the two hour talk, he activated our abundance, pity it wasn’t my kundalini, but don’t fret – that is this coming Tuesday with WildFrau. I’m slowly finding my tribe in Sydney!!!
He also did a beautiful meditation and ran through all our chakras.
It was powerful stuff and lots came up for me.
Sometimes you feel elated after a meditation, sometimes you feel like crap.
Unfortunately mine was the later.
Rather than going to lunch with the others, I took myself off to Balmoral Beach to lay in the warm, winter sunshine.
I lay there crying whilst listening to Powderfinger – I’m not sure if I was crying because Powderfinger really should never have broken up or because the meditation and activation had bought up some slightly unsavoury flavours.
I cried because I was confused again and I asked the Universe possibly in a not so polite way if they could please show me what I was supposed to do because clearly I wasn’t all that good at doing it all by myself.
When you ‘wake up’ and become mindful and aware – you work with the universe – you learn to co-create and to see the bigger picture.
You can , “Get Out Of Your Own Way” and observe the chaos and learn from it, learn to turn the whirlpool into a river….
let it go to flow.
This was the perfect guidance, as per usual.
It resonated on so many fronts.
Rather than fight fire with fire we have to learn to put the fire out with love, while also asserting boundaries and this is exactly what I needed to do.
I could quite simply not let my energy be negatively affected by her or anyone else.
Not only my energy but the energies of those close to me and the businesses I run that mean so much to me and others.
I could not let her get away with this.
I had to stand in my power and protect myself and those I loved.
And that is exactly what I did.
So with assertiveness and the help of my guides and angels, I set the boundaries and the intention to protect all that is sacred and precious to me and to keep out all harmful and detrimental energies.
And then, as if by magic, I stepped into flow, and all I had been enduring over the last seven years was coming into clear focus.
“Giving in is the collapse of the self under the pressure of another………”
I still wasn’t out of the woods yet.
I still wasn’t completely back to myself, but I was getting warmer.
On the Monday after a healing I pulled a card to see what she was teaching me.
For those of you who have followed my blog for a while, you’re going to love this…….
But this time it was inverted – which in this oracle deck meant it had a slightly different meaning.
“Giving in is the collapse of the self under the pressure of another.
What do you want to happen here?
Are you letting something slip through your fingers without a protest?
Are you really going with the flow or just meekly following the path of least resistance and letting someone else call the shots?
Could it be that your low self-esteem is undermining your authority?
You may feel like you’re being very understanding and easy-going. But with your hands up in a gesture of surrender, you could easily be robbed of what is rightfully yours, or taken somewhere you don’t want to go.
Stop saying, ‘It doesn’t matter’ or ‘I don’t mind’ when deep down it does and you do.
Sometimes we are faced with situations where we have to fight to keep what we have or for what we want. Not with anger, desperation or wild emotion, but through clearly expressed feelings and strong boundaries.
Review what is happening.
Don’t let anything happen that you don’t want to happen, without protest.
You may not get what you want, but that isn’t the point.
The point is that you engage with the situation rather than stand back in mute acceptance”
I was still feeling rotten, completely out of sorts.
This time I called on my teacher – wonderful, amazing spirit that he is.
I told him the story and of course received some amazing and very helpful guidance from him.
He too gave me a healing.
He’s so amazing.
As always it takes a bit of time to process or integrate the new energies or to release the old ones but I am mindful of how this works now and tried to sit as gracefully as I could within it.
He gave me some sage advice on psychic attacks and how he doesn’t like to use the word ‘attack’ as it suggests we become victims and brings about a sense of powerlessness.
When we become the observer we look for the lesson.
Rather than trying to work out why this woman would want to attack me what was the lesson she was trying to show me?
We can use this little formula in every situation that occurs in our lives.
We can try not to become stuck in the vortex of negative energy bought on by strong emotion and irrational thoughts and simply stand aside, observe and ask the question,
“What is the lesson here?”
….and of course the answer came rather swiftly.
She was trying to take my power, throw me into fear and self-doubt about my ability as a healer and a peace-maker.
Had I not been aware, she could have succeeded, but as I have been working on my Solar Plexus chakra for the last seven years, she merely served as a reminder I had just a little more work to do to fully integrate the beautiful energies of my solar plexus –
The city of jewels.
So instead of feeling victimised, traumatised, hurt or angry I felt empowered, strong and grateful. Grateful to her for showing me where my weakness lay so I could fully assert myself and stand firmly in the belief of who I am and what TempleSoul is.
I’m so very, very fortunate to have a trustworthy team around me and thankfully now I know who to trust and who is genuinely there for me.
Again it was my healer in Singapore who jogged my memory.
He said he had done the healing and that there was a woman around who was trying to take my power, who was extremely jealous and very dangerous.
He said he cleared her energy and that I should be feeling better in a few days.
There it was again and confirmation of the reading I received in the Rocks a few months earlier.
I didn’t feel angry, I just felt disappointed.
Disappointed that someone I trusted could be so vindictive, so hurtful.
My healer also said
“I think the person / woman was sucking your energy, she wanted your power, self belief, and this was a test or testing time as we say in Egypt for you, it is ending now. No one can take an others energy without a cost incurring.”
I felt a little better after that healing but then she struck again, and this time she targeted Jules.
It was one thing to attack me, but to try and go after me through members of my family was not ok.
“I am benevolent. I open my heart and care for others.
I am aware of others feelings and show kindness and compassion “
“Being benevolent is being kind toward yourself and others.
You show compassion, goodwill and charitableness.
It is said that the universe is benevolent – it only wants the very best for us.
By being benevolent we are being an expression of universal energy.
Being benevolent is having goodwill, being thoughtful and considerate, having a big, open heart and a generous spirit.
Benevolence is showing kindness and goodwill and not expecting anything in return.
It doesn’t mean however that you only give and do not receive.
Receiving things is just as important as giving and we must be open to receiving as much as we are open to giving.”
to read more on how you can practice benevolence and in turn teach your children the importance of practicing benevolence.
All too often we put ourselves down and nit pick our faults, when really we should be showing the most kindness and compassion to ourselves. That way we can radiate it out to the world and show kindness and compassion to others.
I have been doing a Mindvalley course on Abundance with Christie Marie Sheldon (abundance is my sixth bind).
Yesterday was lesson 10 and I obviously have been bringing up the dirt, slowly but surely over the last couple of days (Which is a good thing!). It has been simmering, just below the surface and finally it blew.
I was mildly hysterical, which doesn’t happen too often, but does happen on occasions.
I won’t go too deeply in to what was bothering me but it did have something to do with my current geographic location.
Obviously I was harbouring some ill feeling towards that and a few other things – I still had some things to heal.
I watched Midsomer Murders on the couch. Barnaby let three through to the keeper before he found the killer. It strangely calmed me down.
I said goodbye to Sydney the first time in 2000 and have extremely fond memories of working at the ABC and in particular, the beautiful people with whom I worked.
When I moved back to Sydney almost a year ago, one of the first people I thought of was a dear friend I used to work with in the News Graphics department of the ABC, in Gore Hill.
He was such a gorgeous man and really did make me smile – I loved working a shift with him. We used to laugh about “Aerial PingPong”, the term he used for Aussie Rules: he is English and a huge fan of the Tottenham HotSpurs.
Over the three years I worked at the ABC, he went from a very strong, healthy, capable man to a man confined to a wheelchair, his MS diagnosis both debilitating and aggressive.
But today would be the day.
I was going to get out of my own way, stop thinking about “my problems” and find my way to Parramatta, to see a man who may not remember me!
I grabbed some orange roses, and some shortbreads – he was older now – and made my way down the M1.
A very lovely lady showed me the way to where he was living.
As I walked down the corridor I noticed a couple of things: the vacant look on a lot of the aged care patients faces and the remarkable job our aged care carers, do. I literally felt such sadness in there, such loneliness.
I poked my head around the door and there he was.
I didn’t recognise him at first, and he didn’t recognise me – it had been twenty years – but the thing that was familiar was the sound of his voice. It was unmistakably him.
He still had that wicked sense of humour, and just as we had twenty years ago, we got along famously. The familiarity becoming more apparent as the hours ticked by.
He said lovingly, “Oh, you’re a quirky one! Will you come back and visit?”
How could I refuse?
We chatted all things ABC and talked about who I worked with during my time there and I was so pleased to hear most of them still came to visit him.
The visit humbled me, and made me realise I’m not the only important one in the world. It reminded me to expand my view and think of others and not just myself. Sometimes we just have to be reminded.
Under 24 hour supervision, bed-ridden and unable to move at all, I had to put his glasses on so he could see me. He started to fill me in on the last twenty years of his life and if I felt humbled before, I now just felt love and appreciation. Love for this beautiful man facing adversity – and appreciation for all he was teaching me.
He told me how his son was brutally murdered in 2013 by a psychopath and marvelled at the fact I hadn’t heard the story (I was in Singapore at the time). He was brutally murdered not far from where I now live. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, it certainly put things into perspective.
My worries were not worries at all. All was well with me.
And there I was: complaining about being in Australia and how hard it seemed to be to make friends. There he was: Motionless from the neck down – upbeat, smiling and full of life, even though his body wouldn’t let him experience life how he used to. There he was: without his son, the images in his mind of how he died etched in his brain for him to play again and again – over and over – as he lay immobile in his bed.
And still complaining I said to him, “I can’t believe I’ve only made one friend in a year”.
Everyone has their own unique energy signature, their own talents, their own belief systems, their own ideas and their own opinions.
Assertiveness is about standing in your power, being able to embrace these unique qualities and having the ability to express these qualities articulately and with grace.
It is also about seeing and acknowledging the same qualities in others.
To stand in your power and ask for what you want and what you need takes practice and courage.
Being assertive means that you radiate confidence and positivity.
Children and adults alike who show assertiveness think for themselves and tend to march to the beat of their own drum. They are not swayed by popular opinion and connect strongly with their own truth.
Assertiveness is associated with Manipura, or the Solar Plexus chakra.
Yellow in colour and situated at the base of your sternum, Manipura is a powerful energy centre. It is characterised by personal power, confidence, self assurance and self-discipline, belief systems, personality and independence.
We can teach ourselves and our children the importance of standing up for ourselves and our beliefs and being able to make choices based on how we, the individual feels, not how society, family or friends think we should be.
Assertiveness is about being true to you, standing up for what you believe with grace and certainty.
Look for opportunities that will help you and your children become more assertive in day to day life.
Celebrate each time your child displays signs of assertiveness. Encourage them to keep being true to who they are, that their opinion is valued and that it is important to stand up for what they believe is right and just.
Radiate your power, and help your children radiate theirs.
Today I felt compelled to write about the importance of down time for children.
Well, not only for kids but for adults too.
Our world is ever-changing and at the moment it seems so fast paced with everyone hell bent on filling every single minute of every single day with activities or screens and we have all but forgotten how to simply be.
Be in nature.
Be in our own company.
Be in the moment.
I don’t know about you, but I feel a little sad when I see a family out to dinner and they have a two year old sitting there with an i-pad or an i-phone.
When did we have this sudden urge to stop communicating with our kids preferring them to be occupied by a screen?
Why is it more important for them to be ‘entertained’ instead of allowing them to have a conversation, look around, discover, explore and create or simply to just be, in their own company.
By teaching our children that doing, doing, doing all the time is beneficial, we will raise teenagers that constantly need to be doing, doing, doing and adults that constantly need to be doing, doing, doing which makes us exhausted and unable to hear the whisper of spirit or harness our creative energy. We lose touch with our imagination and our inner voice.
Being is just as important.
Let’s make quiet time a part of their day – a routine that they all do together. It could be after their bath and dinner, when they are clean and beautiful and their tummies are full. Then it is time to turn off all electronics to sit down together allowing some time to just be. The older ones could read to the younger, they could colour in, make up a play, or just talk about their day: to just be there in each other’s company with no distractions.
Put on some nice, gentle music, light some incense and they will soon get the picture. They will love this time when mum or dad – or both – give them their undivided attention for one hour. Where we connect with them, ask them about their day, give them the space and the opportunity to create, imagine and dream, to talk and to unwind.
We actually don’t have to fill the day driving from footy to cricket, from music practice to ballet, to play dates and kinder gyms. We can simply teach them how to be: quiet and peaceful. This is just as important as allowing them to be social and engaged.
“Aum is the sound, at the heart of it all It keeps rivers running, and trees strong and tall It’s the glue that holds us close and tight. It’s the kiss on your cheek, When you’re tucked in at night. So close your eyes and make the sound It’s the chant that keeps the world spinning around”
Jules – SoulPoet
Aum to Zen is a spiritual dictionary, teaching you and your children about the wonders and magic of the universe and once a month I will be bringing you a collection of poems and drawings from the Aum to Zen collection.
This month is bought to you by the letter A, where angels and archangels, aura’s, affirmations and angel numbers abound, all dancing in unison to the sound off the universe – Aum
Today I am not going to talk about the importance of equality among women,
Or that it’s time to stand in our power – there are examples of this happening all over the world – which is truly wonderful to see.
So, today, because I am feeling incredibly loved, empowered and inspired, held tightly in the bosom of all the magnificent females in my life, I am just going to take a minute to thank them all.
All are strong and vital, all are passionate and wise, all are well mannered and good humoured, all are supportive and accepting, all are nurturing and empathetic.
A few of them are wild, sexy and free and some of them are reserved, gentle and peaceful.
All of them have helped me enormously.
To my beautiful daughter Jemima, whose strength and ability to rise above adversity fills me with both inspiration and courage. Whose generous heart and loving nature, nurture all those around her. Both assertive and gentle, she brings so much joy and happiness to my life and when I look at her I am filled with the most enormous amount of love and gratitude.
To my mother, Annie, for teaching me the importance of good manners, the importance of family and of hard work and most importantly the importance of having a good time. A good judge of character and enormously giving, her support and love of all those around her, especially her children and grandchildren is amazing. She has always taught us to be ourselves and nurtured our individual qualities and for this I am eternally grateful.
To my mother in law, for her generosity of spirit and for welcoming me so freely into the Cox clan. A beautiful woman, with a sharp wit and generous heart, she has the ability to make all the people she meets feel special and loved.
To my sisters, Millie and Melissa, who support and reassure me every day. Fiercely protective and enormously encouraging they have brought so much joy and laughter to my life. When the three of us are together there is a special knowing, an understanding, and an unbreakable bond. I love you both enormously and am lucky to have your love and laughter fill my life.
To my sisters-in-law: strong, accepting, encouraging and fun. Never ones to shy away from a challenge, hard-work or good fun, you have all been a delightful edition on my journey.
To Nornie, Nan and Great Grandma, what a fierce, strong and empowering bunch you were. Able to overcome hardship and adversity with strength, love and determination. Your laughter and good will, love, wisdom and faith inspire me each and every day.
To my cousins, you fill my days with such love and laughter and I adore every single one of you. All strong, all fierce, all supportive, all wild and free I simply adore being in your presence. I feel so lucky to have you all in my life and I know with all my heart you have my back at every turn. You have shown me how to be brave, how to be strong and definitely how to stand in my power. I love all we have shared – the love and the sadness, the good times and the bad, the laughter and the tears, the sing-a-longs and the dancing. I love you all enormously.
To my incredible nieces who I love and adore. I have been fortunate enough to be able to watch you all grow and become the magnificent women and young ladies you are today. A new generation dawns, one filled with passion and a desire to change the world. Keep pushing and keep insisting on having your voice heard. Use the wisdom of your hearts to weave a new story and never give up on your dreams.
To my gorgeous Aunties – I can only describe you all as incredible. I feel I have got a whole tribe of mothers looking out for me and supporting me. I feel so blessed to have been part of our family circle and when I look back – and even now – I remember your support, your good humour and the fun we have shared. I am grateful for all the treasured memories. For teaching me resilience, teaching me strength and inspiring me to be comfortable in my own skin. For loving me for who I am, wholly and completely.
And last but by no means least, my gorgeous girlfriends, my soul sisters.
How lucky am I?
To be on this journey with these incredible women fills me with so much joy and happiness. You have all shown me enormous love and support and for this I am extremely grateful. As I said earlier, some of you are wild and powerful, some reserved and shy, some mystical and magical, some gentle and unassuming.
All unique and incredibly beautiful.
You all fill my heart with so much joy and I am beyond grateful to each and every one of you for being such incredibly beautiful and inspirational women.
Lilith came up after a not so subtle discussion with Shane about my alter- ego Lola.
Thankfully I trusted Shane fully even though it was our first meeting – well in this lifetime anyway.
I was kindly gifted that name by Jules and not because I was a cross dressing transvestite but rather because Lola was quite the showgirl, uninhibited and somewhat forceful.
Yep, Lola channeled all the energies of Lilith – unashamedly and unequivocally.
I, Rachael, also ‘tuned out’ when she appeared – literally had a period of being conscious but totally unconscious at the same time.
Basically, my sub-conscious was ready to integrate her powerful and fierce energies, but apparently my conscious mind was not.
“Lilith’s archetypal energy is about the untameable, wild free spirit. She wants you to claim your inner power, spiritual activism and embody your personal truth with integrity and authenticity.” http://www.mikailah.com/liliths-story/
She had been knocking on my door for years, literally.
In the form of channelled messages from Jules, guest appearances in my meditations, in oracle cards and in the not so subtle form of ‘X’.
X was in my life to show me I had forgotten about this raw, primal force and I needed her back in my life to reignite my inner power, spiritual activism and embody my personal truth with integrity and authenticity.
X accepted Lola fully, and Lola was very comfortable in his company.
He accepted her, and the journey and her reappearance was about me learning to accept and awaken this vital but forgotten energy.
Thank you X.
Look, if the information came to us more easily life would be boring wouldn’t it?
This way it’s a puzzle, a game and one should always remember to stay playful with it.
“Introducing Child Of The Week and a Word or Two on Virtues…….”
After an argument between our then 4 year old Jacob – and our five year old Jemima – over who was going to tell me about their day first over dinner, I decided on a system for our children, that I believed was fair and just and gave everyone an equal turn.
We called it “Child of The Week” and we have used this system in our house until this day.
In 2013 we had several other families at our house with their children, and when they saw how effective and useful it was they suggested I share the concept – so I did exactly that, and developed an App. (For more information head to www.childoftheweek.net)
As time has moved on and I have discovered energy healing and the benefits of meditation and yoga, I have become even more passionate about children and how important teaching them early about their beauty within, is. So, as part of my monthly Child of The Week posts, I will be discussing Virtues.
We teach children, maths, english, history and art. We teach them the importance of their physical health and nutrition – and while these are essential, I also believe teaching them about virtues and how they can be applied to all situations, at every stage of their life – is paramount.
Each month I will introduce a new virtue for you to share with your child, and if you don’t have children simply take on the learning yourself. Even as adults we can use the constant reminder to stay virtuous throughout our day.
Each month I will also be putting out a worksheet for you – and your child – to discuss and to play around with.
We have to build this up in children – we have to teach them about becoming their own TempleSoul. We have to teach them the importance of compassion, of acceptance and of peacefulness – and we have to teach them how to develop strategies to implement these virtues in their daily lives.
Being virtuous takes practice and commitment and sometimes a great deal of strength, however if children are constantly reminded it will become second nature.
And won’t that be good for them now, and for humanity in the future?
I woke excitedly the morning of the 9th, grabbed a coffee at Finders Keepers and jumped in my car.
I was a little nervous, but excited.
Shane was instantly likeable.
Warm, trusting and kind, with a little twinkle in his eye.
We sat down for what would be a two hour reading. Of course we could have talked for two days. The charts are so complex – and to be honest I would have really loved that, however Shane had other things to do!
It was fascinating!
He explained how astrology works and what the various parts of the chart meant.
I’m a Virgo with Leo Rising, my North Node is in Aquarius in the sixth, I have Venus in Virgo, the Sun in virgo, Mercury in Leo and Pluto in Virgo all in the first house etc etc.
So much more information and really useful information too.
Different to a psychic reading, an astrological reading shows you why you are wired a certain way and how the planets affect your personality.
It shows you what to look out for, shows you the karmic scar you were born with and some of the things you can expect on your journey through this incarnation.
The most informative information came in the form of ‘Lola’ – or Lilith as she’s known in the spiritual realms.
I haven’t introduced you to her yet, but she is a very, very important part of my journey and it all ties back to ‘X’ – and the energy he was reigniting in me.
Life is fun when you start to dance in its magic.
Get in there.
Unravel her mysteries, dig around for her truths and experience her wonder,
“Please Allow Me To Introduce Radio Bambini and Aum to Zen………..”
As I said before, my current website is being re-designed to accommodate all my creative offerings in the one place.
When I visited Yantara Jiro in Singapore many years ago, he said to offer all my creative projects up to source until I was ready to know what to do with them.
I did just that and know I now.
I adore kids, love them. Any age, any gender, they are just cute.
Radio Bambini is a website for kids I developed and launched in 2015.
Aum to Zen is a new offering for kids and is kind of a spiritual dictionary.
In it I introduce kids to all things spiritual and magical in my own creative and unique way.
Once a month I will be introducing a new letter, complete with illustration and gorgeous poetry written by Jules, to help your kids become enlightened little beings of love and light!!
The illustrations will be offered once a month, in their entirety on the website for your kids to download and colour in. I would LOVE to see their creations – either stories or coloured in pics for us to share with the TempleSoul community.
Please make sure to email me with your kids imaginative creations.
My gorgeous niece Camille, 9, has already written the most beautiful story on Mother Gaia and I can’t wait to share it with you all later this year.
So if you have any little ones, you can start familiarising yourself with Radio Bambini and all the gorgeous music, stories and learnings it has on offer, and as the year progresses we will be adding more and more little surprises to the website for the kids and their parents to enjoy.
Eventually we will be migrating all three Facebook pages under the one banner of TempleSoul.
So for now, please be sure to start following
on both Facebook and Instagram
where you will find Aum to Zen, Radio Bambini, Child of The Week (which I will introduce you to next week) and TempleSoul.
I’m beyond excited to open everyone’s hearts and minds to the real you. Endless, timeless and limitless.
“Please Allow Me To Introduce TempleSoul – A Sanctuary Within………”
So, one leg of the journey I’d like to take you on this year, is a slow walk through my latest book,
TempleSoul, A Sanctuary Within
(Which will be coming soon, all in divine timing right????)
Each month I will be bringing you little snippets of each chapter.
The book is all about creating your own TempleSoul within – a calm, peaceful place, where you can retreat to at any time of the day or night when life is becoming overwhelming or challenging.
I will teach you a new way of looking at things, so anything that crosses your path, whether you perceive it to be good or bad, you will see as a valuable lesson on your own journey, in this lifetime.
We are all on a different road, a different path, a different time on our timeline.
Everyone is on their own spiritual path, learning different lessons, experiencing different things and although we are all on our own unique trajectory’s, there are ways we can all approach life differently.
By becoming the observer, becoming aware of the hidden gifts behind confrontation or challenges or deciphering the messages your feelings are trying to convey to you – I would like you all to embrace life – the good and the bad, the love and the heartache, the challenges and triumphs and for you to realise you are the most incredibly gifted person on the planet with an incredible ability to manifest, heal and love openly and unconditionally.
Learn to find your hidden happy even during times of adversity – it is possible.
And you’re magic!!!
Let’s turn this year into a year where you find your own TempleSoul – your own little sanctuary of love and become the best spiritual version of you that’s possible.
Feel free to contact me via the blog or email should you have any questions or queries.
I’m really excited to be helping you along your own special journey.
Let’s get started!!!
Join the growing TempleSoul community, each and every one of you is welcome.
Love me xxxx
www.templesoul.com (coming really soon, I promise!!!)
I finished off the blog last year with my spiritual journey to date and will continue on my journey with all of you alongside me.
If you have read both streams you will know that we have relocated to Sydney from Singapore and we are finally finding our feet.
TempleSoul is slowly coming together and is going through a massive change itself.
A new website, logo and brand will be here in a few weeks with all my creative offerings under the one roof; Radio Bambini, Child Of The Week and TempleSoul.
Thank goodness for Andrew Killey of BrandA, the team at Blackbocks South Australia and to Fuel Sydney for their amazing efforts.
I am really proud of how it has all come together so engagingly, creatively and effortlessly and thank each and every one involved.
This stream of my blog is going to take on a slightly different feel this year and I hope you enjoy it.
Follow SoulSutra’s on Wednesday’s for everyday musings and up to date spiritual shenanigans and follow A Soul’s Journey on Monday’s for a compilation of all I have learned over the last few years.
In the next couple of months my first book,
TempleSoul – A Sacred Space Within,
will be available for purchase, and this years blog will follow the guidance of the book and help you to create your very own sacred space within, your very own TempleSoul.
As TempleSoul has developed over the past 18months it has all come together in such a beautiful, creative way and my handsome husband Jules has played a big part in helping me bring it all together.
A cornerstone of TempleSoul will be his beautiful poetry that flows seamlessly and effortlessly through his being – a channel of divine light pouring forth for you to enjoy.
I will start each month with one of his beautiful poems from my upcoming book and hope you enjoy them as much as I do. I will then post guidance and tips and tricks weekly to help you flow more graciously with life.
Be sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram @TempleSoulHealingso you don’t miss a thing.
I can’t wait to share my journey with you, thanks for coming along for the ride.
My TempleSoul – Your TempleSoul
Is the place inside
It’s where there’s no need to run
Where there’s no need to hide
It’s where Golden Light streams from deep in your heart,
It’s where calmness descends and self-love starts.
“Her beauty and her terror. The wide brown land for me……”
So, here we are at the beginning of the new year. 2018.
I’ve just returned to Sydney after a magnificent 4 week very Australian family holiday.
I can honestly say, it was one of the best we’ve had.
4 weeks of just being:
Being with family.
Being with nature.
Being with friends.
Reconnecting to this beautiful land we are again calling home.
Last year bought with it a great many changes – I guess thats why the number 555 kept appearing in my life!
Jules and I were exhausted, both emotionally and physically.
It was time for rest, relaxation and reconnection.
It was decided. We would jump in our car and do a road trip through three states – just to reacquaint ourselves with this vast and beautiful country.
I have always loved road trips. It doesn’t matter how long they are, I never tire.
Off the freeway and out on the open road, this ancient and wise land stretching out before us, mother earth exposed in all her glory.
Surprisingly there wasn’t a lot of music or a lot of chat, the occasional dulcet tones of Bernard Fanning when it was my turn to drive, and familiarising ourselves with Songs Of Experience every now and then but on the whole, it was time to just soak it all back in – with little or no distractions.
The air outside was hot – 41 degrees – a typical Aussie summer. The light was refracting on the highway ahead, water-like puddles in the distance, disappearing and then reappearing as we go.
And the sky, my goodness, the sky!
You just forget about the sheer enormity of it. Vast, endless and perfectly blue, falling down effortlessly to kiss the gnarled and weather-beaten earth beneath it.
The Hay Plain stretched on and on and just when you thought it could stretch no further, it did just that. Hundreds of kilometres of lifeless, barren land – extraordinary.
It offered us a chance to pause; to reflect; to go within.
Over the weeks we covered over 3,000kms.
My favourite stretch being Melbourne to Sydney, stopping along the way for a bite to eat at The Long Track Pantry in Jugiong, the stifling, still, 42 degree heat hitting you in the face as you go from air-conditioned comfort to the oppressive heat outside; flies buzzing noisily around our faces, a stillness that can only accompany a harsh Australian summer.
This stretch of land was enchanting and in parts took my breath away.
You could see the brushstrokes of Albert Namatjira, of Sidney Nolan and Fredrick McCubbin, that unmistakable all Australian landscape. The majestic, old gums, en masse, sticking up out of shards of ochre rock – it was unmistakable, unforgettable and undeniably Australian.
The landscape was in parts wild and untamed and you could sense the spirit of the land whistling and caressing through the shrubs and trees.
She’s not to be messed with this land, her ancient wisdom, her sacred spirit, her volatility, her unpredictability, stretching out for miles in front of our eyes.
“……Her beauty and her terror. The wide brown land for me”.
It was a magnificent four weeks of reconnections and for me particularly, a theme I will continue to explore throughout the year.
Reconnecting to home, to friends and loved ones I haven’t seen much over the last decade. Reconnecting to the wild nature of this sacred land, reconnecting to spirit at every opportunity, reconnecting to my Divine Goddess – Lilith – or Lola as we like to call her.
As I mentioned in my last post, this a Universal 11 year and a personal 7 year for me. It is a time for privacy, solitude and quietness; for working on my magic in the form of manifestation and the laws of abundance; it brings with it the energy of truth, wisdom, dignity, fulfilment and perfection.
I can’t wait to again share my spiritual journey with you all and wish everyone a year full of love, joy, wonder and magic.
He takes his time to ‘suss’ you out – to see if you’re a seeker and then he will guide you.
Slowly and almost with a whisper, he will just utter two or three things but they are of vital importance, direct guidance and clues as to your next steps.
It was taking a while to clear the pain in my heart, and it hurt!
It hurt a lot!
But we got there.
I had to pay a visit to Paul Filmer down at The Blue Lotus – he’s one of my favourite healer’s in Singapore.
I always go to Paul when I can’t seem to clear the debris.
He knows exactly what to do.
“Oh. It’s your heart. I can feel it. It’s sore”
How many times?
How long would it take?
“Did you ever consider Jules might be Patrick?” He said after the tumultuous healing.
Jules had said this a million times, however I chose not to listen on this occasion.
I rather liked Patrick separate! They were similar but I was convinced their energy wasn’t a direct match.
Same, Same but different, as they like to say in Asia.
But let’s face it – there are similarities.
I did meet Jules, the farm boy, at 16
and although he didn’t play the lute, he was in a rock-n’roll band
Black hair, brown eyes and dark skin, he does fit the bill
Coincidences, I’m sure!
Anyway, I digress.
In time we did heal my broken heart.
My favourite words Dr Theo ever uttered were,
“Well. the good news is, your heart’s open and it’s receiving”
Oh. My. Goodness.
Thank God for that!!!
I now know I can see Patrick anytime – I just have to connect with his unique energy signature – and there he be.
My gorgeous Irish lover.
There’s no space and time in the Infinite Universe – everyone exists in the now – in a massive field of love, and everyone who has ever existed in this physical realm, can be accessed at anytime – through the portal of your heart.
…..and just so you know,
when Jules isn’t around, and I’m feeling a bit pathetic, I call on Patrick to come lie with me to lull me off to sleep with his soothing Irish lilt.
As this year comes to a close I find myself thinking about the next.
For me, next year is a personal 7 year and boy do I like the sound of that.
“7 energy flows in an atmosphere of privacy, solitude and quietness”
“It is seeking truth, wisdom, dignity, fulfilment and perfection”
I like the sound of that.
“7 emphasises introspection, emotion, analysis, intuition, reflection, seclusion, research and FAITH. This is meant to be a quieter, “inner” year in which you can learn the answers to your most burning and often avoided questions.”
Well at times the last 7 years in Asia has felt like I’ve been on tour with The Rolling Stones – yes I’m looking at you Clubhouse!! So a little introspection and quiet time sounds positively glorious.
“In 2018, everything you experience will be influenced by 7’s power of reflection.“
“Reflection not only means looking back and pondering the past, but also looking at everything and everyone in the present, and seeing your reality being mirrored to you through these people and things.”
I love the idea of mirrors and reflection and write a chapter on it in my new book. By becoming aware that this is the energy of the new year I can consciously observe and learn from everyone I come into contact with and view them all as precious gifts, instrumental in my spiritual growth.
“Use this year to gain knowledge, confidence and expertise. Realise just how unique and gifted you are.”
Why thank you, I will.
“Accept that you are a free spirit. “
If you insist!
“Embrace the diversity of life and your place in it. This year of introspection and soul-searching is a chance to rediscover yourself as you are now – and to let go of the person you once were.”
There’s that ‘let go’ guidance again, just in case I still need to be reminded.
“Life is not confined to one field or locality.”
Ain’t that the truth!
“Get reacquainted with the ‘big’ world, along with its beauty and its horrors; its excitement and its mediocrity. Recognising these extremes will help you secure a balanced position for yourself”
I really like this guidance as it really is time for me to find balance. Although I love going out, keeping busy, working, playing, dancing, creating, I’ll admit I do sometimes push it a little too far. I absolutely believe rest is in order. When there’s too much noise, too much of a certain energy, you can drown out the guidance, miss things, important things.
“This is your year to learn the basics of magic. Yes, magic. The secrets of manifestation. The laws of abundance. The Will determines what it wants by the way it feels”
I am definitely happy to connect with my inner Samantha Stevens and have always fancied myself as a sexy witch!
“This the personal year 7, the 7th year of the cycle sees your growth slowing and your understanding maturing. After the previous years of forward movement and expansion you now come to a period of stillness and quiet.You have advanced through the cycle of growth and have overcome many obstacles and learnt many lessons along the way and now it’s time to rest.”
I could not agree more.
“A 7 personal year promises to be a very introspective year, a period of some pause and reflection between very active years in your life. It will be good for you to spend time alone or in quiet activities, as free from outside responsibilities as possible”
I hope that includes the ironing.
“Certainly it is best for you to focus your attention on your talents and your skills in an effort to use the time you have now to refine them. Spend free time in reflection and meditation”
I am very much looking forward to the new year and all the mystery and wonder it brings. If I take on an appearance of coolness or detachment please forgive me as I will be busy being restful and reflective and refining my nose twitch.
Thank you for your support and love in 2017. I look forward to bringing you a deeper, richer blog in 2018. One where I teach you all I have learned.
To find out more about your personal year number you can go to the following websites…..
“For a long time you have been neglecting a part of your soul energy, your spirit. Maybe because of how you were raised, the school you went to, or society in general. You thought this energy was bad, not appropriate for a woman, but by not truly embracing this unique soul energy, you were denying your truth. It’s like trying to cut off a piece of your divine energy, you can’t! It’s impossible!
You have to work with this energy.
What has happened is your soul, for whatever reason, has decided it needs this energy now.
This guy has come along and kindly put up his hand to activate it.
Thank you ‘X’ – See, the Universe is so clever! It even knew exactly the right type, minus the guitar and motorbike!
So, he has come along, and activated it.
He’s done his job,
and now he’s gone.
You now have what you need from him, and this is very important.
Now it’s time to integrate it!”, he says excitedly clapping his hands with glee!
“Right. So X has activated the energy and I have to integrate the energy?”
And if you don’t, another tall, dark handsome man will come along and activate it again”, he laughs.
No, no, no!!!
Teach me how, teach me how!
We don’t need another ‘X’ breezing through the gates!!!!!
It was now clear.
‘X’ had entered my life for a reason.
A reason that would make its long, slow reveal over the next few years.
“X’ was here to activate my Divine Goddess – a part of me I had fought hard to conceal.
Sexy, flirtatious, unpredictable and strong!
A free-spirit, a creative and powerful force.
I knew exactly this part of my spirit and I LOVED the way it felt. I hadn’t embraced her for years.
I loved the way ‘X’ made me feel, because, unbeknownst to me, ‘X’ was reconnecting me back to this much loved part of my nature.
Especially when anyone says, “you need to go and see this person”, or “you must do this course” – it’s all direct guidance from Spirit and I was like a bloodhound on a fox hunt – anything that would help me raise my resonance, heal my soul, clear my spirit – I was there!
I was having breakfast one morning at Cluny Court with Dani and she looked at me and said,
“Have you seen Yantara Jiro?”
I laughed and said, “Is that his real name?”
No sooner had we finished breakfast – I had googled him – gone to his website, emailed him and was booked to see him the following week.
Dani couldn’t believe it! He was almost never in Singapore due to his popularity in other Asian cities.
So along I went.
As I was navigating my way down the PIE through Joo Chiat I was getting more and more nervous.
I’m not sure.
I’d never met this man before, never heard of him, and here I was going to a stranger’s house – trusting spirit implicitly.
I arrived at an enormous HDB.
I just sat in the car, early, as usual – how was I ever going to find it?
I asked the little old aunty if she could point me in the right direction.
She smiled, one of those gorgeous toothless Asian smiles and she showed me the way,
Up I went.
I was at the door.
Hesitantly, I rang the doorbell.
Who would be behind?
And then he appeared.
He was the slightest, most serene man I had ever met. All in white, his long black hair falling loosely to his waist.
He had a face which could have been male, could have been female and a voice to match. He was tiny and if he turned sideways he almost disappeared!
He greeted me so warmly, sensing my nerves no doubt.
We sat down.
“So, why are you here?
Oh. I wasn’t expecting that! Um, because Dani told me to come?
“I can retrieve any information you want – anything at all from the Universe”.
Underprepared and mildly flustered, I blurted out work – what about work? I now have Radio Bambini, Child of the Week and TempleSoul on the go.
It was fabulous.
He gave me all the right guidance and exactly how to implement it. We then started talking about thoughts and feelings.
Mmmmmm, I thought. and sheepishly asked, squinting as I did so,
“So, say I had feelings for someone other than my husband, exactly how would I get rid of those?”
All willing to support me on my new healing journey.
One friend helped me decorate it in record time, a consummate professional, thanks Nyella!
Phuong from Art Blue Studio had adorned my walls with beautiful serene and healing Vietnamese Art,
and my beautiful, glorious friends and family all came for healing, even the skeptical ones, I thank you from the bottom of my heart Tash and Gina.
I tracked down my favourite incense I had found in Santa Margarita and it was delivered – it was just all too perfect, all too smooth, all too delicious,
and that was how it stayed!
That’s how the Universe works when you’re in flow.
When you are following your divine path.
By September I would have a newsletter and a timetable – I would now offer healing, yoga and meditation.
As soon as I’d put out the call for teachers – it would return in lightening speed!
A beautiful community was gathering, effortlessly and divinely guided.
Kevin Yee-Chan who Jules and I had met while on retreat in Ubud would make his debut at TempleSoul in November and would bring with him his gentle, healing nature.
Chanting mantra while playing the Harmonium or taking one of the most romantic yoga classes I’d ever seen it was so fabulous working with him.
Two soul mates bonding, together again in this lifetime, to help each other grow and learn,
Metta meditations took place – to offer loving-kindness to the world – and groups would gather after the children had been put to bed, to chat about The Hoffman Process or to be introduced to Dr Theo, The Light Chiropractor.
It was the perfect space.
A place to be held by spirit.
Not judged, not passed sentence, not condemned.
Held gently, so one could let go in a safe environment and be supported fully while they found their own way back home.
I was home.
Exactly where I needed to be.
Doing exactly what I needed to do.
My life so much richer for meeting all these beautiful souls that took the time to come for healing, who trusted my hands and my heart to gently guide and support them.
and she’d say, “I know chook, you’re remembering”.
It would be a long journey of discovery – my memory is not my strongest asset – I forgot my own cousin in Rundle Street one day – sorry Sarah!
But I was home.
Well, at least half-way home.
Realms and dimensions,
Chakras and auras,
Guides and angels,
It was all so completely fabulous!
You are given a year to complete all the modules in the Healer Training – the modules, the workshops, the activations.
I had finished by April!
It was like an emotional roller-coaster!
I was self-healing daily for months on end and was bringing up all kinds of crazy stuff.
Past lives, old heart-aches, lost loves, abuse, shame and ridicule all came up for healing.
It rolled in like a big, slow old wave from deep in the ocean, one after the other, I was barely able to catch my breath.
It rose slowly but steadily, higher and higher until it reached its pinnacle, being pushed to its limit by the force of the vast and deep body of water,then slowly receding back to a neutral point, not questioning the reason why – just accepting nature’s way – not holding back, not resisting, just going with the flow.
It was April when a gorgeous little shop came up for rent in our local village, Greenwood.
I had seen it two years earlier and wanted it desperately, for what I didn’t know.
And so it was made official.
On May the 1st 2016, I would take over a one year lease, down the road from Baker & Cook, above the dry-cleaner.
Jules did The Hoffman Process and loved every second of it.
It’s a process, so it does take a while to integrate.
Let’s hope there are some noticeable changes.
For me it was a whole new world.
It was late January.
Family and friends were filtering back from their holidays abroad, sun kissed and happy, nourished by the sun, the sea and the sand – getting a re-boot from Mother Nature – looking relaxed and radiating that post holiday glow.
Ren, Dani and I sat having a drink in China Town, just off Club Street.
The atmosphere was slowly building as workers finished their long weeks and sought out friends to chat and laugh with, well into the night.
I had been told for years that I was a healer and a psychic.
I usually just smiled and inwardly rolled my eyes.
Actually, I was Graphic Designer who runs a website for kids and an app for families.
Just where were they getting their information????
Dani looked at me and said,
“So chook. When are you starting your healing course?”
And that was it.
And so it was.
The next day I visited a website I had found the year earlier.
For some reason, I knew this was the one.
It resonated very deeply within me, it just felt right.
I enrolled in the Ashati International Institute of Energy Healing and my life has never been the same since.
We had a lovely family Christmas at my sister Melissa’s complete with children showcasing their musical talent and Annie and Papa getting misty-eyed when their grandsons grabbed their instruments and sang Van Morrison’s Brown Eyed Girl – mum’s favourite.
A few days later we packed our bags and headed seaside.
There’s nothing quite like it.
The beaches in Adelaide are amongst the best in the world!
Sun. Surf and Sand.
We would be enjoying every minute of this revitalising vacation.
I posted a shot on Facebook of the kids playing beach cricket – it was a stunner!
But no sooner had I posted, I had PM’s galore.
Are you guys at Maslins?
Can we pop over?
We’re just at Middleton!
….and so it was arranged.
Everyone could come over for a BBQ lunch the following day.
We texted Max who was amongst the first to arrive, with his new puppy Pho Shizzle in tow.
We had such a fabulous day. There’s nothing like friends.
Old or new.
The kids had a ball, walking down to the beach – old enough to do it unsupervised now.
The smell of chops and sausages on the barbie, the laughter of old mates and everyone chatting over each other.
Hugs, love and laughter.
It was perfect!
It went on well into the night.
Will and I the last to pull up stumps at around 2am.
The cleaning would definitely have to wait until the morning.
I did a lot of soul searching, a lot of clearing and had a visit from Saraswati – the Hindu Goddess of learning, music, creative arts, knowledge and wisdom.
It was a powerful exchange and I could feel the divine energy coursing through my veins.
I had four days of meditation and work on the inner; clearing, healing and expanding.
Arga drove me to the airport four days later and we would say goodbye the way two old souls of 200 years would say goodbye, not two friends who had spent just 7 hours in each others company!
It was back to Singapore.
In a few short weeks Julius and I would head to Yangon, in Myanmar so I could take part in Channel News Asia’s Television Competition for Start-Ups. I would present Radio Bambini.
It was a fabulous, terrifying experience but the highlight of the trip for me was our dawn and dusk visits to the Schwedagon Pagoda, meditating and chanting with a group of monks in their saffron robes as the first rays of the morning sun kissed the golden stupa and then again at night to watch the evening lamp lighting which would see thousands of lamps flickering and dancing around the edge of this incredible monument.
2015 was drawing to a close.
We would soon head off to Adelaide and spend our first Christmas back home in 7 years.
As I was checking my emails I came across a healing circle that would take place at Sacred Space here in Singapore.
It would address relationship issues, and the healer facilitating the circle, Catherine, would help us release any blockages from toxic relationships – whether real or imagined!!!!
I rang and booked.
It was a very powerful evening and one that would see me release even further.
She said I found it very hard to Let Go! – (tell me something I don’t know!!)
The tissue’s came out and once again I felt like I had been crying for 7 hours!
It was a very cathartic evening, and a very nice way to finish off the year.
It had been a tumultuous road.
A lot of sad endings.
A lot of chances to say goodbye and feel comfortable with change.
A lot of opportunities to practice trust and faith as challenges were upon us time and time again.
A lot of chances to sit comfortably alongside death.
I was spent.
Two weeks in Adelaide and at the beach with family and friends would be just the ticket!
Lucky because I have a husband I can share everything with.
And although it’s not easy at times, what ensues through disharmony and grief is profound and deep healing.
Lucky because although he doesn’t completely understand, he is in tune enough to see that my internal struggle has to be brought to the surface to be healed.
It takes time to heal and is unpleasant at times.
It is much easier to bury and suppress feelings rather than to stare them in the face, bring them up, honour them and let them go gracefully.
I packed my bags, filled it with incense, candles, notebooks, paints, Oracle cards, everything I needed to tackle the next four days under Indonesian skies.
I would head to Ubud.
The only plan I had was to visit Tirta Empul, the Holy Spring Temple.
I was told about it by a friend of my son’s who said I had to one day go and visit this Sacred Site. As usual any direct guidance like that I take heed and file it away on my little “List of Spiritual Things I must Do”.
I organised a driver with the hotel I was staying at and made no other plans.
I found a hotel by the river Ayung, deep within the forest, hidden from the world, protected by a vast canopy of leaves.
There is no doubt about it, I feel instantly soothed and calmed when I hit the outskirts of Ubud.
As with all things Balinese, my relatively cheap hotel was beautiful.
A frangipani on my pillow, an outdoor bath bathed in the glow of the full moon, and a view overlooking the river. The swaying, glistening rice stalks could just be made out in the rice fields beyond.
Out to my right I could see the silhouette of a volcano lightly brushed against the sky.
I opened every window in my room to let the evening storm in and didn’t disrupt my thoughts with television or music instead preferring just to gaze out the window and relish the time alone.
At 8am the next morning I met my driver who would take me to the Temple.
Arga was a beautiful man and remains my good friend to this day.
On the one hour drive to the Temple we discussed all things spiritual.
He was a wise man.
A gifted healer.
We arrived at the Temple and he patiently spent the next three hours guiding me through this very ancient and sacred site.
I would cleanse, purify and receive a blessing.
And I would heal.
After I made my way through the Holy Spring, taking my time to honour each water spout with a ritual Arga had taught me, I made my way out of the spring.
I was so physically and emotionally exhausted, I needed Arga to help me walk to the edge of the Holy Spring to sit down with him.
We sat in silence for what appeared to be a good length of time before he placed one hand on my head and one on my leg, aiding me in releasing and healing.
While I sat and cried, Arga sat patiently, supporting me.
Soon we were back in the car and on the way back to the hotel.
I had experienced my first big spiritual shift and would come to realise later that my frequent trips away by myself were divinely guided and inspired and were essential steps in the process of my ascension.
I said earlier it was a while until I could put X to bed and the full force of my suppressed feelings would not make themselves known until later in the year.
We were again heading to the end of another year.
2015 was drawing to a close.
I had been meditating daily, drawing, painting, journaling, discovering, healing.
Slowly making my way back home.
My list of Spiritual practitioners grew steadily throughout the year.
I was discovering kinesiology, past life regression, new healers, fabulous psychics and my book shelf was slowly filling up with tomes by Doreen Virtue, Wayne Dyer and Florence Skovel Shin, the spare space adorned with crystals, mala beads and Oracle Cards.
I was making my way through Singapore’s Spiritual underbelly with wild abandon!
I would like to take a moment to express my gratitude to Jules who never for one minute dissed any of my spiritual journey – well perhaps on a couple of occasions 🙂
and in fact encouraged it.
He saw how it made me come alive, how it made me inquisitive, free and liberated.
He loved that I was awakening to my truth.
He didn’t like this bit though.
X was coming to town for a few days and I would try to hide my excitement with a shrug of the shoulders, a dismissive, disinterested look, and a non-committal attitude.
A tentative date was put in the diary but no firm plans arranged.
The days passed, his return date came and went.
It was apparent we were not to see him this trip.
I promptly popped myself to bed Friday and sauntered down the stairs Sunday citing a headache and sore throat.
Without saying anything more Jules just looked at me and said,
“Why don’t you go to Bali next week. Sort out your head and your heart”
“The spirit of which Julius talks in this lifetime and which you have forbade in this lifetime is freedom.
Freedom of expression.
Freedom to live your truth and freedom to be who you are: Sexy, Beautiful and Divine.
So, I want you to voice your freedom.”
Which I did.
“I think we can tie a big ribbon around that lifetime and say we have successfully managed to ‘free’ you.
Go forth little one, and love Julius, with gay abandon and honour your second chance with Patrick.
Go, you are free”.
So there are so many lessons and repeating patterns I can see from that guidance. Because I have been connecting with Spirit in every aspect of my life, healing these wounds is of vital importance if I am to become whole.
A stand-out one for me though and the one that took me by surprise was that of my parents in a previous life. Specifically,
“You felt unsupported by the elders in your life, your parents, and did not forgive them in that lifetime…….So firstly, there’s the lack of support from your parents, and you took that to mean they didn’t understand you and most certainly didn’t love you”.
I’m not sure if you remember but way back I talked about going to see psychic Clive Whitby, and he was discussing my past lives. He mentioned Patrick but what I remember vividly was how he described my parents. I remember very clearly saying,
“Oh, I think I’ve got them again!”
And it’s interesting, because at certain times in this lifetime – particularly as a teenager – I have felt like this: misunderstood and unsupported.
Quite simply, patterns repeat because we haven’t learnt the lesson they are presenting the first time.
So welcome repeating patterns in your life as they are invaluable lessons.
Learn the art of recognition. Be in the moment so you can transcend the pattern or behaviour and there won’t be a need for it to repeat itself again.
For me, this guidance has been invaluable.
For me, it is about speaking up when I am feeling misunderstood, unsupported or unloved.
For me, it is about letting go.
For me, it is about forgiveness.
But most importantly, for me, it is about self-love and self-worth.
Loving yourself is the greatest gift you can give.
Dani and I would continue our meditation journey together and each time we met, the distant rumbles of another beautiful storm would begin and signal our continuing journey.
I loved meditating with Dani, still do, and I loved painting what I saw when I meditated.
I hadn’t picked up a brush in a while, however for an artist it is like riding a bike.
It feels good to paint. Natural.
Painting after meditation for me, is not only an expression of what I saw but also part of the integration and channeling process.
Illustrating how I am feeling or what I am seeing is another tool for self-expression.
I can’t stress enough how valuable meditating with a teacher can be.
With a teacher you can deepen your practice.
Meditation is not just about sitting for prolonged periods of time, it is an ancient practice. A starting place to go within, expand your awareness, raise your vibration and open your heart.
A good teacher will offer you support and guide you through many different practices; Kriya breathing, Kundalini breath, Kapalbhati breathing or Light Skull Breath.
They will teach you how to manifest and access information from the non-physical realm.
A great teacher will give you all the tools you need to help and guide you back to your soul’s true path and when it’s time for you to leave the nest and pursue whatever it is you’re here to do, she will let you go with grace and love – always there should you need her.
The thing about spiritual teachers is that they are not competitive, completely supportive and know exactly what you are going through because they have been there themselves.
They are light-workers here to assist the ones who are slowly waking up to the magnificence and magic of who they truly are.
The timing was divine when I came upon Dani and I am very grateful for all she has taught me.
For her love, for her support and for her patience.
For her wisdom, her knowledge and her grace.
So, do yourselves a favour and go and find yourself a teacher, and learn this beautiful ancient practice from a wise-one.
“The spirit of which Julius talks in this lifetime and which you have forbade in this lifetime is freedom.
Freedom of expression.
Freedom to live your truth and freedom to be who you are, sexy, beautiful and Divine”
I wrote four BIG pages of guidance and it all made perfect sense.
There was so much information and it resonated strongly throughout my being.
It also clarified and bought me so much inner peace and understanding and a whole new way to look at the situation.
Oh I’m not sure whether to transcribe all of what was said, but I think it’s important. So grab a cup of tea, get yourself comfortable and read on.
You were so distraught when your lover Patrick, was sent away. You have never felt so much pain and sadness – you just froze in sadness – your heart broken. That feeling was so strong, so intense, it was unlike anything else you had ever experienced. A heart full of love, so free, so happy, so uninhibited but then callously cut down by someone else.
You felt unsupported by the elders in your life – your parents and you didn’t forgive them in that lifetime. Outwardly you were fine – in fact you said little – closed your throat – became the subservient, good, pretty little girl your parents wanted you to be. You conformed because you had given up – you had already died.
So lots, dear one has stemmed from this lifetime with Patrick and it’s simply wonderful you are taking the time to fully clear this up and realise the great advantage you have with this second chance with Patrick.
It’s the very reason you knew immediately when you saw Julius – every part of your being was resonating because he was back and this time things would be different.
So firstly, there’s the lack of support from your parents.
You took that to mean they didn’t understand you and most certainly didn’t love you.
This has made you aggressive and wary of any authority figure in your life and it makes you push people away who show any signs of restraining you or telling you what to do.
Know that you have been given the green light in this lifetime to be with your true love to experience what was so tragically taken away from you – its here now – its all here for you.
The reason, dear one, you are not willing to give yourself fully to Julius in this lifetime, isn’t a sexual one, it is because subconsciously you are fearful the two of you will separate again – and you don’t want to experience that pain again. It’s time now to celebrate, to understand the great opportunity you have to love Julius again fully in this lifetime.To acknowledge there is no pain, there is only love and to realise that no authority figure can tell you what to do without your consent.
It’s about honouring, not fighting, for your truth and the only way you can integrate this is through practice.
Again, when something is not to your liking – not in line with your spirit – you know what to do – we have shown you the tools to get through these challenging situations.
Patrick is Julius.
Julius is Patrick.
All is well.
You can rest easy in this lifetime, safe in the knowledge that you two are destined for a long, happy and blessed life.
Go forth little one, courageously.
Release the fear that you can never love fully again, because he’s here, lying beside you each and every night, honouring you, protecting you, supporting and loving you, more than you will ever know.
You have shared many lifetimes, but this one is important for you both.
Singapore storms are by nature wild, sultry, unpredictable and fierce…..
and this one was no exception.
It was hands down THE biggest storm I had witnessed since I moved to Singapore five years earlier.
Not only that but we were in the very eye of it.
Lightening was actually accompanying the raging thunder, there was no time to count the distance in between.
It was right on top of us, all around us, on us and within us.
We kept calm and kept meditating, Dani’s voice rising slightly as she struggled to outmatch the deafening ire of the storm.
This storm had something to say and she was not letting anyone or anything get in her way. She would speak her truth and would not be interrupted.
Meanwhile, I was having an absolute ball!!!
Dani was using the storm now as part of the meditation and had me twirling and spinning up through the clouds, cleansing and clearing my energy and connecting with the vibrant, exciting electricity within.
It was awesome!!
I had never felt so alive!
I had never felt so connected to the Universe and more importantly to my own wild, sultry, unpredictable and fierce nature.
The storm raged on. The palm fronds were falling around us and although under cover we were now soaking wet.
We finished the meditation as the storm settled.
Her fury and anger had been expressed in the most magnificent and passionate way and had left a refreshed and cleansed world in her wake.
As the fury subsided, and in the distance the faint sound of the birds could be heard, signalling the end of the storm, Dani bought the meditation to a close.
I slowly bought my awareness back to my body, put my hands over my face, took a few, long, deep, slow breaths and slowly opened my eyes.
I looked at Dani and she at me.
Excitement and bewilderment was in both our eyes as we savoured the moment, a slight smirk on both our faces.
This was the defining moment that would mark the beginning of our Spiritual Journey together.
Colliding two old souls, in a most magical and mystical way.
A reunion so powerful it was felt to the very ends of the Universe.
The raging storm had started the process of remembering.
Remembering the truth of who we are and what we are capable of.
And I was beyond thrilled to have this ancient and wizened soul sitting in front of me, guiding and teaching me on this part of my journey.
“Listen and you will hear. Let go and you will heal”
“My past life with Patrick is what I’ve been working on, I feel there is something more I need to know in my present life. If this is true please provide me with the information of when and how this problem originated. I would also like to know why I am finding it hard to accept that Patrick and Julius are one in the same“.
As I said last week I chose to use guidance from http://www.akashicrecordsofsouls.com/read-akashic-records/, so I could direct and articulate my question precisely and clearly.
My mediation went for an hour and a half and I had my journal next to me and pen in hand to record any guidance should any come.
It was quite overwhelming as I knew it would be but at the same time, absolutely unbelievable.
So much happened during the meditation, it would take me several months to write it all down so I will keep it brief and stick with the current topic.
When writing during meditation, it is important to stay in the zone, stay focused in the heart and soul of what you are doing. I have been doing this for years now, if I think it would rattle me to write I sometimes record it on my iPhone but writing as I meditate comes easily, so this is still the method I use.
I took myself into meditation, did a chakra walk-through, merged with my higher self and then took the stairs through the heavens to my Sacred Space. Individually you will all have unique ways of accessing certain things through meditation and it is very important to trust whatever comes to you. I am continuing on with a practice that was shown to me in early 2013. It is almost always how I access information.
I then walked to the back of my Sacred Space and walked through a door, and ascended a very long spiral staircase that eventually took me into the clouds. It was quite mystical and groovy.
There is always a chest there, and this time I pulled the key from a chain around my neck. It was hanging at my heart.
A little man appeared, as he did last time, welcomed me and asked what I would like to access.
I voiced my question with clarity and precision, just as I had intended.
Everything that has ever happened, is happening and can happen is recorded in the Akashic records.
These energetic records are available to anyone but should under no circumstances be treated disrespectfully, or out of malice or spite.
If that is your intention access will be denied.
They are there for your benefit and to guide you and teach you and help you if you are facing current difficulties in your life.
Not only difficulties, but blocks or limited beliefs, anything that is preventing you from flowing gracefully with the Universe.
The Akashic Records record every deed, word, feeling, thought, and intention of every single person on this planet across all lines of time.
It is like our personal hard drive and can influence what is happening in our current incarnation.
Yes, every deed, word, feeling, thought and intention…..it’s quite an overwhelming concept!
I will leave you to search the ‘net for more information should you choose to, and I will use this blog post to write my experience opening the records.
So last week I mentioned, my personal messenger, Julius had texted me last Friday to tell me I needed to access my Akashic records. He again, had no idea what they were and had never heard of them.
He told me I needed to access two things.
The first, was I needed to access the hall and meditate on my time with Patrick.
I was to access all my goddess passion, as I need a bit more 🙂 and physical desires from those records and bring them into divine union in this time.
I just love all this stuff so much.
If only everyone on this planet knew just how cool and awesome the Universe is and just how cool and awesome we as spiritual beings are.
So, I spent a little time cruising the web, to find out how I should access the Hall. As previously mentioned, last year, on August the 8th 2016, I accessed the records when doing a Lions Gate meditation. I remember vividly how I was to access them so knew meditatively what I was to do, but I wanted to ask for the right things and in the right way.
In terms of asking correctly, I used the following website as my guide and wrote down my questions so I could voice my intention clearly and eloquently and so that I wouldn’t get flustered while I was there.
So, as it was raining outside and my morning walk around the harbour was hindered, I decided now was the perfect time to meditate. It was cold and rainy outside so I turned up the heating, made myself comfortable, lit some incense, gathered my crystals and tuned in.
I had rung the psychiatrist that day and we had all agreed that putting her back on some medication would be the best plan.
After the funeral, she just wanted to get out of Singapore.
She bought her plane trip back to Australia forward by a few weeks.
How was I going to leave her now?
How, after everything she had been through could I possibly leave her now.
We had all discussed moving back as a family, this would probably be best, but Jemima wouldn’t have it. She unselfishly said she wanted her brother to finish school here as she had.
No one would move for her.
She needed time to heal now. Time to grieve. Time to be.
She just wanted to be by herself.
Jemima and I boarded a plane late January and I would not be back to Singapore until mid March.
We found a beautiful apartment with city views. We had reconnected with our old family Doctor, who was a remarkable support for us as she always had been. We found a good psychologist. We furnished the apartment and had a spare room set up should she change her mind and would like someone to come in and live with her.
But she wouldn’t.
She spent the year by herself.
The five weeks was a fairly emotional one. One minute we’d be fine, the next inconsolable.
We had a side trip to Sydney and Jules and I went over to Perth for a family wedding.
Mimes had some friends visit and stay with her – they were all remarkable.
When I left mid March, I felt comfortable.
Comfortable in the knowledge she would be fine.
She had made it through the hardest part and now could finally start her own healing journey.
“There’s No Place Like Home, There’s No Place Like Home…….”
Having four children I have watched a lot of movies and one of my all time favourites is the Wizard of Oz, and she’s right that Dorothy, there truly is, no place like home.
We have been back a month now. Time does truly fly when you’re having fun!
Contrary to what I thought would be the case…..I LOVE being back home.
We ALL love being back home.
The familiar is not so scary after all.
After all there’s the familiar scent of your lovers cologne, or your best friend Clarey’s chocolate brownies coming out of the oven, the familiar scent of summer rain, of freshly cut grass, or the familiar laugh of GG or cousin Katie, all bringing a smile and a sense of homeliness.
The familiar is nice, it’s comforting, it’s soothing.
Firstly there is the sky.
Oh that sky. Big. Blue and vast. There is nothing quite like it anywhere in the world.
The scent of eucalypt wafting down from the gums, the big and glorious Moreton Bay Fig: it’s enormous canopy offering a protective shelter from the elements. Her huge roots, a treasure trove of fun for tiny toddlers with curious minds.
The extraordinary trees.
And the water. Peeking around each and every corner, lapping the shoreline, teasing you gently, enticing you to take a dip in its icy embrace.
And then there are the people.
Down-to-earth, happy, friendly and helpful.
I have made new friends and basked gloriously in the familiar old.
My morning walk is out of this world! The minute you step outside you are greeted with that ice cold winter air, such a welcome change from the hot, humid and sticky.
Rugged up, and with headphones on, I take my morning walk, up and down the hilly streets as I make my way down to the harbour. As I get to the bottom and turn the corner, there she is in all her glory, magnificent Sydney Harbour.
I take a moment just to look and give thanks for life and for the happiness I feel.
And let’s not forget the energy. It is so completely different, wide and expansive.
We are, exactly where we are meant to be.
I have taken into account all the messages my guides have sent me and I am happy, finally, to put down some roots. I have been resting, and I am starting to teach.
Yes, I have started writing my first book, which will be available by Christmas.
In it, I will teach you all how to find your own TempleSoul.
So, until next time…………
“Wear your ruby shoes
When you’re far away
So you’ll always stay
Home in your heart”
You know that sinking feeling you get when someone gives you bad news?
The one where your blood literally runs cold?
It was the morning of January 18th 2015.
We had slept in. It was holiday’s after all.
I had turned over and reached for my phone.
There was message after message.
I felt sick.
“Please Rachael, as soon as you are up can you call me?”
I walked slowly outside. I couldn’t feel myself. I had gone numb.
Our son Jacob was in Melbourne at the beach with his girlfriend, could the news pertain to him? What had happened? I didn’t want to know. I just knew it was bad.
The phone held shakily to my ear, my stomach sick, my palms sweating.
“Where is Jemima, have you checked Jemima? One of the boys has had a terrible accident.”
“Is he ok?”
“No. I’m afraid not. He passed away around midnight last night”
It was her old boyfriend.
“The kids want to be with her. Can I bring them over?”
“If you could just give us a moment please”.
Walking up those stairs and telling her was one of the hardest things we had ever had to do. Holding her little, young body next to ours as she sat rocking back and forth in disbelief. Tears streaming down her cheeks.
It’s moments like these you look to the heavens and ask why?
Why would such a young and beautiful little girl have to endure such pain and heartbreak in her short little life?
At the very moment I had realised we had just hit the hurdle.
“I Will Learn, I Will Learn to Love the Skies I’m Under………..”
On November the 9th 2014 Jemima and I walked out of the gates of the Australian International School Singapore after her final Visual Art exam.
This would be the last time we would ever have to walk that long path.
Talk about being a proud mother and not because our daughter had just managed to complete year 12.
(Only the year before we had talked about her not even doing it. Maybe just waiting until she felt better.)
Proud because she had managed to complete year 12 in the most dire of circumstances.
She had found such remarkable strength in the midst of a whirlpool of devastation, darkness and pain.
One that would see her question her very existence, whether she was up for the long journey in this physical incarnation.
Something changed and she managed to look deep, down inside her to find that little ball of hope and strength, way down in her core.
The light that would help her see in the dark.
She had done it.
Jemima had taken the support, the love and the advice on board. She had shared her pain and we had been helped by so many. Friends, family, the school, everyone had gathered around us cradling us in love and support, helping us edge slowly through this difficult and rocky terrain.
She was strong again.
Strong enough to come off the medication that had helped her through. She was to move back to Australia in February the following year so I could monitor how she was doing without that support.
She was in a good place. You could see it in her face. In her smile. In her body.
She was back and Julius and I could never, ever be more proud of the strength, resilience and courage she had shown.
There were a few squabbles over X during the year, usually late at night and after drinking way too much.
My birthday that year was out of control, in a fun way! My girlfriends had come to visit for three days and did we party like we never had before. It had been a while between drinks! Nothing like old friends to lift your spirits.
In terms of squabbles, Christmas night that year was a doozy and had my parents not been in the room across the hall probably would have been much louder and may have involved me storming out!
I understand completely how Julius must have felt but as I had said time and time again, there was nothing going on and it was completely one sided. At no stage in this crazy episode did X show anything other than friendship towards me.
Just try to leave him out of it.
That would become ever so much easier in the very near future.
I remember the night well.
I have never seen a happier man.
He danced up the driveway and into the living room a smile as big the sun lighting his face,
“Guess who’s moving overseas??????”
I played it cool.
I made it look as though that didn’t have any impact on me whatsoever!
What could I say?
So no sooner had X appeared, did he disappear.
But further on down the track, quite a fair way down, his reason for entering my life would make itself apparent.
” Freedom Has a Scent Like The Top of a Newborn Baby’s Head, (& The Importance of Dreams)……….”
So it’s been two weeks since I last posted.
It’s been a whirlwind of teary goodbyes, big parties, one-on-ones, clubhouse goodbye’s and heartfelt speeches, but I think the hardest thing was leaving four days before my cousins’ first baby was born.
I was looking so forward to being the best hands-on ‘aunty’ in the world!!
After all I have had four children and know what it’s like being in a city without family.
I had already told Jules I would be heading over to Sentosa each weekend to front up for my babysitting duties. I do LOVE a baby!!!
Seeing all those photos come through and videos of that newborn baby nestled snuggly in his parent’s arms made my heart break.
I think that was the hardest thing of all, that and the fact I really loved living in Singapore!
And I just can’t tell you how beautiful everyone is that we met during our time there. My sister-in-law flew down from Hong Kong, my cousins’ (yes cuz, that erroneous apostrophe is just for you….and what’s a preposition anyway???) family from Cambodia and it was just such a beautiful celebration. It’s hard to leave it behind, especially when I was enjoying myself so much.
So, we packed up 369 boxes, 4 children, the two of us, a brown dog and hearts filled with precious memories and flew 3,916 miles across the Indian Ocean to Australia.
A day I never thought would come.
But, here we are, and I must say Sydney is beyond a doubt one of the most spectacular cities in the world.
The adjustment shouldn’t be that hard!
I think what’s hard is that it’s all too familiar and I like an element of surprise in my life and I seemed to get that overseas. Always travelling and exploring the unknown, meeting all sorts of interesting people from all walks of life, every day unearthed a new and interesting surprise.
How am I too replicate that here?
I asked the Universe to show me what the move was all about and this is where the importance of dreams kicks in.
I have been fascinated by dreams ever since I was a little girl. I still have the Dream Dictionary my sister-in-law gave me, with a Bob Dylan quote in the front, when I was just 16.
It is part of my spiritual practice to really be mindful of what happens when I sleep.
I used to program my dreams when I was young, I used to say I want to dream about ‘this’, and I would, or I’d wake up half way through a dream and think, No! I’m, not done yet, please continue – and so it would.
So I had asked for some guidance and over the past few nights have received so much information, some too weird to explain right now, although you are dealing with past-life lovers and the odd bit of tantra quite well, so it may not be too much of a stretch!
But let me start with last night.
There were three very distinct parts.
The first was the image of a tree and the importance of putting down roots, in fertile soil, to make a solid foundation – my meditation yesterday was sowing this seed in my favourite spot in Sydney,
The second was to rest.
Now, I can’t tell you just how much this has been coming up for me lately. Whether it be through meditation practice, clairvoyants or even through Julius’ nightly visitations, the reason it keeps coming up is that I am not doing it – and if you don’t listen they will keep reminding you until you do.
So I will try!!
The third and final message was that to find peace in my life, I must teach.
Another message I have heard over and over again since my journey began.
We’ll talk about dreams in greater detail later, but for now, we should all become more aware of the messages being sent to us as we dream.
Repetitive themes, lucid dreaming. Visitations – real or unreal??
It’s all guidance.
It’s all important, and for me those three succinct and very clear messages delivered to me through my dreams last night will be taken on board and implemented. I know in six months time, I will be reaping the rewards of the seeds I have sown today.
“The journey is as important as the destination…….”
So the year was progressing.
We were having weekly visits to the psychologist with Jemima. She had recently broken up with her boyfriend of three years but all things considered she was making strong progress through her final year.
In Year 11 she hardly made it to school but she was in a better space now and working hard.
Julius had slowly adjusted to his new life and had managed to slowly unwind and enjoy his time off.
The four months of gardening leave had finished and he was lucky enough to find work with a consulting company, so at least we could see out the year in Singapore.
X and Patrick kept me occupied.
I had found out why Patrick had appeared in my life, but I was still unsure about X.
Whenever I went to see someone, psychic, healer etc I would never mention it, I would just wait and see if it came up.
There was talk of twin flames, of soul mates, even a karmic love triangle!!!
I’d heard it all!
But all the while I was learning.
Learning and growing and delving deep, deep, down inside.
Inside me – into my TempleSoul.
I have been fairly impatient with this whole journey as I wanted the answers, usually without doing the work, but as one of my teacher’s said,
“The journey is as important as the destination”,
and I know now what she means.
Less in a hurry these days and more accepting and appreciative of how the Universe works, knowing all happens in Divine Timing.
The quest for why X had shown up had lead me to uncover wonderful truths about me and helped me with some deep and profound healing.
It had also introduced me to a string of Spiritual teachers whose guidance, support and love during this healing process has been nothing short of extraordinary.
” Don’t tease me”, I said angrily – after all this was no joke!
“That’s what you called him” said Clive (mustn’t have picked up on that bit)
“What happened” I asked, a slight quiver in my voice.
“Aah the two of you were in love. It was mid 1700’s. He was the farm boy and you the daughter of a wealthy aristocratic family in the UK. You lead quite a lonely life, your parents were there but not really present. They were busy at social functions and spent an inordinate amount of time travelling around the country side. You were left in the care of the governess whom you loved very much. But it was your time with Patrick you cherished the most. He was a little older than you, around 27. It was love at first sight. You spent every opportunity you could with him. You would watch him shoe the horses in the stable, fetch hay from the paddocks, load the tray and harness the horses. The two of you became inseparable. Your parents hadn’t paid much attention but the governess was acutely aware of what was going on. Night after night you would tiptoe down the stairs, quietly sneaking past the kitchen, grabbing something for Paddy on the way, and run down to the stone out-house where Patrick lived. The two of you would spend hours together, laughing, talking, falling in love”
“…but what happened” I asked, “My heart aches. Where did he go? What happened?”
“The two of you decided to get married. You shared the happy news with your mother and father. Unfortunately they weren’t on the same page and promptly told you, you were not marrying a farm hand, that was beneath you. So you decided to elope, but you were stopped at the gate and Patrick was sent away”
“Not long after, you died. Of a broken heart. That can happen you know”
How depressing. Knifed at 27 (my last past-life) and dead of a broken heart at 16. Wow. Good thing I came here today!!
But I had found my answer and for the next two years I would undertake a journey to heal my broken heart.
Every healer, psychic, shaman, light chiropractor, kinesiologist, everyone, mentioned my broken heart.
It was time to heal and heal I would. I would heal until that broken heart was whole again.
And through this healing I could now take the journey back to the Scared Space of my heart.
The Sacred Space that held the connection back to my true nature.
At times this Spiritual Journey has been arduous and at others just plain comical.
The search for Patrick was on and I was seeing every Psychic, Healer and Shaman in Singapore to find out just what went on.
I had done past life regressions, tried kinesiology, anything that would hopefully give me the information I so longed for.
But it was Clive Whitby who gave me the break-through I had been looking for.
I had met Clive a few times at varying spiritual events but it was a psychic reading at Sacred Space in the Peninsula Shopping Centre in Singapore that I received the information for which I had so desperately been searching.
I walked excitedly through the doors and the first thing he said to me, without any prompting was
“I don’t do past lives”
“Bummer”, I said, “Are you sure???”
See, this is exactly what I love about the non-physical world. How did he know I wanted so desperately to find out about my past lives?
We did the reading. I wasn’t very interested to be honest. I had become a little less excited once he said he didn’t do past lives.
We had nearly come to the end of the reading when he said,
“Alright. I have your last two past lives”
Bless you beautiful Clive, give it to me!!!
“Ok. So in your last life you were Chinese. It was early 1900’s. You were a man living in Beijing or Hong Kong”. Funny, two of my favourite places in Asia. “Go on”. “You were small but strong. You lived on your rickshaw, a bit of a loner. You died at 27.”
“I was stabbed wasn’t I??” (I have a fear of knives and can’t have them pointing at me)
“Yes, you were. Something to do with drugs.”
Interestingly enough, I got my first tattoo in Crown street Surrey Hills with my friend Sara Roe.
It was the Chinese symbol for boy.
I was 27.
“….and there’s another one”
“You are in the UK. You live on an enormous property, just you and your parents. You were raised by a governess and you are wearing a big white dress. You are around the age of 16. There are horses and stables, lots of little outhouses and a big, beautiful pond”
Ask anyone and they will all tell you of my lifelong obsession with all things Irish.
From U2 to Guiness, my Irish Great-Grandmother and my relatives from Ballybunion.
But nothing compared to my new obsession with Patrick.
From that chakra walk-through I gathered he was Irish, he was a farm-boy, he was about 27. He lived in a small little out-house made of stone and it was long enough ago that there was only a fire and candles to light the room.
There was that and the fact that he was incredibly handsome!
To be honest, he didn’t look that dissimilar to Jules – now I think about it there were many similarities.
Patrick played the lute – stay with me here- and wore baggy black pants, his bare chest being warmed by the glow from the open fire and his long curly hair just touching his shoulders.
Don’t worry! I too thought at this stage I was going completely mad.
I meditated so often now and visited Patrick every time. I wanted to know everything about us, what exactly had happened, why he had come back.
I told Jules, from what I could gather I lived in a big, stately home and was an only child. When everyone had gone to bed I would sneak through the kitchen, and out into the cool of the night. I would run barefoot down to the little stone cottage and just lie down and chat or listen to him play. There were many times I would just lay in his arms listening to him breathe and staring into the dying embers of the fire.
Always quick to be home and tucked up in bed by sunrise, should ma and pa come in to check on me.
Julius being the gorgeous and understanding husband he is even bought me a present one day from Patrick. He said he hoped I didn’t think he was weird, (because at this stage I sound like a completely normal person), and gave me a divine silver necklace he had found in Amoy Street in Singapore. It had written on it,
In one of Doreen Virtue’s Angel books was a meditation called A Chakra Walk-Through.
It was one where you ‘walked’ through a passage-way and on either side of the passage was a coloured door.
It started at black – the Earth Star Chakra, and went up through all the colours of the rainbow – Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo and Violet.
You walked through and opened each door in turn. Someone would be in the room and would have a message for you.
This meditation I will never forget and I now realise just how important it has been to my spiritual journey.
There was a little boy in the first chakra centre, timid and shy his name was Michael. I wasn’t entirely sure of who he was but he could have been a young version of my father.
Behind the Red door was Archangel Uriel, the Orange door, Archangel Jophial sitting under an enormous oak tree, yellow butterflies surrounding her and behind the Yellow, a lady called Josephine, my first mother, from many lifetimes past.
Each had a beautiful, poignant message and one that would fill my heart with love.
In Anahata, the heart chakra, emerald green in colour, was my beloved papa, my mother’s father. I couldn’t see through the tears. With a message of love related to our shared passion for music.
But it was walking through the doors of the throat chakra and into The Blue Room, that would have the biggest impact.
For their in front of me stood Patrick.
Tall, dark, handsome and IRISH – it now comes in fours!!!
I ran towards him, wrapped my arms around him and sobbed at the reconnection.
“Where have you been???? What happened to you?? Where did you go?”
Hysterical and almost inconsolable he assured me everything was going to be ok, I had found him again and it was now time to heal.
I had now reconnected with the love of my life in another lifetime!!!
As if dealing with Mr X in this physical lifetime wasn’t enough, he now had to deal with my obsessive journey back through the non-physical dimension to find out who the hell Patrick was and where and why he had been taken from me.
One thing I was certain of is I had never felt heartache like I was feeling now and this meeting would turn out to be a huge element of my spiritual growth.
Trusting there was something I had to heal deep within my heart from several lifetimes past.
At this stage of my Spiritual Journey I was meditating daily.
I was receiving an increasing amount of messages from the non-physical realm.
Was this real or just my imagination?
It is a weird concept to wrap your head around. After all, we have only ever been taught that this physical world is our reality. Only weirdos and hippies talked about a world we couldn’t ‘see’.
Luckily I’m ok with weirdo’s and hippies and I embraced whole-heartedly this non-physical dimension.
With ardent fervour I wrote down all the information I was receiving and it proved to be extremely affirming. Guaranteed, sometime in the future I would re-read what I had written and it would have happened.
Exactly the way ‘they’ had told me.
I started receiving message from Angels and could now pick up their unique energy signatures. I was reading every book of Doreen Virtue’s and every week there was a new delivery from Amazon.
These were exciting times.
Confusing but exciting.
A whole new world had opened up right before my ‘eyes’.
I had been doing a meditation one day and Archangel Jophial came through. I hadn’t actually heard of her before, and after did some research.
This was one of the meditations I would never forget. I always kept a pen and paper handy in case I needed to write down the guidance.
This day I did.
There were many messages that day, but one in particular would stick in my mind, until the very moment it came true.
I had asked Archangel Jophial about Jemima. I asked if she was going to be ok.
She replied, ‘Yes. She is going to be fine, She just has one more hurdle to overcome”.
How many more hurdles was this poor girl going to have to endure?
In every single, solitary moment we have a choice.
We can choose to feed or starve a thought.
We can choose to feed or starve an emotion.
We can choose anger, envy, sorrow, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt and ego or
we can choose joy, faith, trust, happiness, empathy, kindness, compassion and love.
It’s not always easy and sometimes emotional attachment can be almost too much to bear, but there still remains a choice.
Whatever the situation, you can choose how you will deal with it.
I could chose to be furious, and feel hard done by because I don’t feel ready to leave, because I have to close down the business I love,
Or I could simply view the situation as a positive step, an exciting adventure. Leave behind the fear that has me in its grip, leave behind all the questions that remain unanswered and truly follow my heart, pursue my dream.
I am thankful and beyond grateful for the opportunities Singapore has given my whole family over the past seven and a half years.
I am grateful for each and every person I have met along the way, who have enriched my life in ways they could not possibly imagine.
I am grateful for the travel, the experience and the love, and I am going to embrace change gracefully and with positivity and view this challenge as an opportunity to re-evaluate and really ask myself what I want the rest of my life to look like.
My time here is done, my energy no longer needed.
It’s time to put down new roots and I am very lucky to be given the freedom to choose.
So, it’s time to dream it all up again.
Back to where my spiritual journey began.
Back to nature, to sew the seed of my Scared Space, TempleSoul, among the gumtrees, big, blue skies and wild open seas.
To harness that very raw energy nature provides and weave it seamlessly into my new offering.
“Smell is a potent wizard that transports you across thousands of miles and all the years you have lived……”
That four months turned out to be a God-send.
Finally, Julius had time to catch his breath.
Although it wasn’t without its challenges. He seemed very flat and I was wracking my brain to think of something that would lift his Spirit.
Daily sleep-ins, afternoon’s lazing by the pool, daily coffee’s at Baker & Cook, but still something was missing.
When the two of us were in the throws of passion and young love the one thing I remember more than anything was the scent of his cologne.
It actually used to drive me wild.
From memory Julius’ mother bought it home from a trip Overseas.
Jacomo, was its name.
This was it. The key to turn his frown upside down and get his mojo back. I had to track it down. He only had one bottle but the memories that scent evokes are as fresh to me now as they were 30 years ago.
It was easier than I thought! Hop on to Google, enter Jacomo and there are your choices.
Hundreds of them.
It was a week before I had all those memories at my fingertips.
I waited for precisely the right moment to unveil my gift.
I was off to get my hair done as we were going out with friends that night. I had wrapped the bottle of Jacomo and popped it on the bed with a hand-written note.
As he kissed me goodbye in the driveway, I said I had left him a little gift in the hope that it would remind him of himself.
He showered, popped on his favourite outfit and reached for the bottle of Jacomo.
The minute he popped on that scent, was the minute he connected back to his Spirit.
Instantly transported back to Barnard Street, circa 1990, getting ready in the school room, with the rest of the band, beers in hand waiting excitedly and nervously for their gig at The Kent Town Hotel. Mozza, Will, Mikey, Bill and Vinnie – with Jules and I – bonding together in this exciting chapter of life.
A love of music.
A love of me.
A love of life.
One filled with the wild and crazy dreams of an adolescent finding his way in the world.
Hopeful and exciting – one with promise and endless possibilities.
In his eyes I could see the excitement of love and life again, and for the first time in a while I saw a glimmer of the Coxy I had known and loved 30 years before.
We were lucky enough to visit Spain in October and then had a magnificent trip to India, spending New Years Eve in Agra in a beautiful hotel overlooking the Taj Mahal.
(Let’s not mention the fact I had to retire early due to a very sore throat- what could that mean I wonder?????)
Aah! The Universe.
She works in mysterious ways.
In January 2014, Julius was given his notice. After 20 years of hard work, travel and dedication he was shown the door.
This was his life, it was all he had done his whole working life.
So what, you could say. People lose their jobs all the time!
Yes, it’s true, they do.
However in Singapore when you lose your job as an expat you have 4 months to find a new one or you’re out.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that if in fact Jules couldn’t get a new job we would find ourselves back in Australia precisely 12 weeks before Jemima’s final HSC exams.
We couldn’t move her now, it just wasn’t an option. Her mental health was still precarious and moving would have been detrimental to her.
We had to stay and we had to make this work.
So now we had a daughter with depression, a wife with a crush and an unemployed husband.
Things just seemed to be going from bad to worse.
At this point it was absolutely imperative to STAY POSITIVE!!!!!!!
…and to be honest when X was around I somehow managed to do this.
We had a choice.
As you always do in life.
We could have all fallen in a heap or just gone with the universal flow – it has a plan, it always does and we had a beautiful opportunity to just enjoy life and reconnect with each other and be there for our daughter.
Actually the timing WAS impeccable!
Jules had four months ‘gardening leave’ which meant he was unable to work for another corporation.
Once he got over the initial shock of how I ran the household and when he knew that after 20 years he didn’t have a hope in hell of changing the way things ran in the home, he slowly, very slowly began to adjust to his new life.
You never realise the impact losing your job has.
Gone are the weekly pay checks, gone is the routine, gone are the bonuses, but if you stay positive you can focus on the good that comes from it.
Sure the job had gone, but in its place was my husband.
Present and here.
Alive and well.
This was our chance. Our chance to reconnect. To remember our union and just how fabulous it was.
I didn’t get over X that easily there was still plenty of work to do there! Plenty to help me learn, plenty to help me grow, plenty to help me heal, plenty to help me remember.
Lots of people don’t really like it and, quite frankly, I have realised I didn’t really like it until the last year or so!
To me it’s like a good Bob Dylan song. It makes you feel uneasy.
That’s the point.
Every time Bob asks you “How does it Feel?”, you gaze in to your glass and ask “How long have you got, my friend?”.
Like that Paul Kelly song telling you things ain’t quite what they should be: You’ve had a magnificent day in the surf. You’re slightly sunburnt, cold beer in hand washing down the days’ rolling waves. But there is a niggle: Is it about what’s right or wrong? Is it about you or “them”? Is it about what you expect of yourself, or what others expect of you?
Over the past few weeks Rach has posted some heartfelt, honest and revealing stuff. Yes, at times, I haven’t really liked it…….but at the end of the day, we are on this journey together. I have read, re-read, and then read again every single post prior to posting…..and while sometimes they have not been that easy to read – they are truthful and beautiful. What more can you ask?
Rach has been selfless and majestic:
She chose not to write about those times that I was so drunk I crawled over rooftops screaming obscenities. Absurd accusations spewing from my mouth.
Rach chose not to write about those times I wept on the couch, raging about the fact that we had to sell our house and couldn’t pay the school fees or the mortgage.
Rach chose not to write about those times, in the not too distant past, when she cradled me in her arms as I wept like a baby not knowing what would happen next.
She stroked my head until I fell asleep…all the time whispering it would be OK.
One more child to look after.
Instead of revealing me, Rach has revealed herself: That is courage. That is beautiful honesty.
We understand that many people will not comprehend why we have decided to share these experiences, so candidly. Life is a rich and torrid tapestry of weakness and strength, difference and indifference, love and devotion – but all I want to say is this: Rach and I have chosen to live our life honestly – documenting it as such, in the hope that others realise that we all can.
And we all should.
We love each other, our children, our families and our friends – and all that we share together – more than anyone will ever know, and more than we should ever need to explain. We decided we wanted to share our experiences in the hope that others realise that life is real.
Sometimes it is not easy: It is not all chilled champagne, oysters and kids that fit the mould. It is not all red roses, candle lit rooms and catalogue lingerie. Life is challenging. Make no mistake.
It is what you make of those challenges, that defines who you are. With honesty and commitment anything is possible.
Don’t hide behind what others believe – stand in front of what you know is true.
Thanks for your love, light and concern. It is truly appreciated.
I knew something big was about to happen but I wasn’t sure what.
When Jules had finished I got him to face me and took his hands.
We looked deeply into each others eyes and observed the moment, the stillness.
There was no doubt a big change was about to occur in our lives but something had to be released in order to fully step into it.
As we sat there, Julius’ body started shaking, quite violently.
I just sat there, I knew what I had to do.
It was fear, pure and simple, pouring from every cell in his body.
In order to take the next step and make a heart-felt decision this fear had to be released.
I sat until the river had run dry, until he had let go of all he could.
The temple held the space for us beautifully, honouring both our spirits.
There was no religion dividing us, it was just pure spirit guiding us.
All decisions need to be made with love and by that I mean from the heart, not the head.
We sat by the river for the next hour, basking in the glow of spirit, feeling very peaceful and knowing, and for the remainder of our time in Phnom Penh this feeling stayed with us, coursed through us, intertwined us.
We both knew this moment was very special.
Not only because of the healing and surrendering that took place but unbeknownst to us at the time, it would be paramount to the choice we would make about our future.
All of our children love music and no more so than Rem.
So as we were making our way to Changi for my flight to Adelaide, Rem bought his speaker and cranked up the volume to Oasis.
It’s cute listening to what your children like.
At the moment it’s Mac de Marco, Macklemore, Tash Sultana, High Flying Birds and Oasis, coupled with some other stuff I don’t resonate with so much.
As we made our way down the Pan Island Expressway, my stomach dropped.
This was real.
This was really happening.
In less than six weeks I would be making my way down to Changi to leave this beautiful city I have called home for over seven years.
Now, at that very moment, I wasn’t so sure I was ready to leave.
Maybe I was just being brave, trying to hold things together for the family, for my husband, reassuring everyone everything was going to be ok.
That’s what mum’s and wives do isn’t it???
They show strength and courage, pick everyone up when they are feeling down, give them a hug, hold them tight, kiss them on the forehead and tell them everything’s going to be alright.
And it is.
I know that.
But as I was driving down today and the Gallagher brothers were blaring from the speaker I just really wanted to cry my heart out, but I didn’t because I knew if I started it would well and truly be the end, I wouldn’t stop until I got to Adelaide airport.
So many things came flooding back.
Happy times, sad times and devastating times; wild adventures, teenage parties, and crazy weekends away; Brix, BBQ’s and brunches; tears, laughter and love; cousins, family and friends.
I saw each and every one of them, so very clearly, flash before my eyes.
Such wonderful memories, such gloriously happy times and now I was going, leaving all those I loved behind.
I made it to the airport without shedding a tear, my heart breaking just a little.
As I handed my passport to the clerk, that sinking feeling returned.
Not long now.
Then I got a tap on the shoulder, “Ma’am, could you please come with me”
Oh finally it’s happening, they want to put me in Business class!!!!!
“Ma’am, your Greencard has expired”
“Yes” I said.
“Well, you are actually staying in Singapore illegally, where is your long term visitors pass???”
Jules and I had been to MOM, we had changed the boys passes and thought we had been told it would be ok for us to just come in and out until we left.
So here I was, all of a sudden, a stranger in a strange land.
No longer a resident, but an illegal immigrant!!
No business class, but maybe a rough night in Changi prison.
What was going on?
I diligently answered their questions, feigning ignorance and smiling courteously just in case that helped.
“You will be fined, $100”
I handed over my DBS card and they just looked at me and said, “Cash only”.
I looked at my wallet and had exactly 68 Sing dollars and not enough coins to scrape together the remaining 32.
I looked at them, then at Jules behind the glass who was wondering what the hell was going on, before they escorted me back out through immigration so I could ask my husband whether he had a hundred dollars.
I actually thought he was going to cry.
I had finally made it through, went and changed some SGD for Aussie and quickly ran to the bottle shop to buy some Bombay Sapphire for my mum and sister.
“Can I take two bottles back to Australia”
“Which flight are you on ma’am?”
“SQ 279 to Adelaide”, I replied smiling.
She just looked at me, smiled sweetly and said,
“Oh, I’m sorry the gate is closed”
I just looked at her wide-eyed, thinking “Please God this cannot be happening!”
“Just duty free ma’am, you can still catch your flight”
I just looked at her and secretly wanted to cry my heart out.
D10 was at the arse end of the airport, so I took the travelator to get there as quickly as I could.
I finally arrived, the last of the weary travellers checking in.
“Scarf off please ma’am”
Through the scanner I went.
“Shoes off ma’am, please go through the scanner again”
Shoes off, scarf off, try again.
“ Watch. Watch off ma’am, please go back through”
What next? Shirt, jeans, undies????
No, third time lucky.
I got through, picked up my bag, laptop, scarf, shoes and watch.
Then my phone pinged.
I picked it up and saw a message from our son Orlando,
“Mum, I just saw Angel number 222, what does that mean?”
“It means trust and faith Lando, trust and faith”
and I sent him the photo I had taken moments before as I was rushing down the travelator to catch my flight as I too had just seen Angel number 22:22.
I no longer wanted to cry my heart out, as right at that very moment I knew spirit was giving me a big hug, holding me tight, kissing me on the forehead and telling me everything was going to be alright.
I’d dabbled just slightly through my life, seeing clairvoyants, reading tarots etc
It’s always interested me, but now I was on a mission – like a woman possessed.
Something massive did happen that day, it was like a switch had been turned on inside.
Maybe that’s why “X” had shown up? Precisely for this reason.
I was meditating ALL the time. Writing down all my guidance, vigilantly. Recording my dreams, looking for clues and trying to piece together an answer.
Jules always laughs actually and when I was just about to meditate, he would say,
“Hold on to your hats peeps, the cosmic bitch is about to connect!”
I’m quite fiery at the best of times: passionate, driven and fiercely determined.
I have a list of songs on my meditation playlist that I listen to when I need to ‘Get in the zone’.
Who said meditation needs to be done in silence?
Don’t get me wrong I have nothing against a silent meditation, in fact I love it and need it sometimes, but in order to start ‘manifesting’ you need to get in the zone – you need to feel.
Feel a certain vibration inside of you first and then see it manifest in the physical.
I didn’t realise this yet either, however I knew that when I wanted to get things done, shift or clear some energy, I had to fire up this passion, this determination, this drive. I had to feelit in to every single cell of my body and the way to do that, is to meditate – and to meditate to something that invoked those exact feelings.
Before I get to the choice and how you can summon your spiritual strength to do so calmly and with clarity we will take a side trip to Cambodia.
As I said in my previous post, things were a little overwhelming here in Singapore so we decided to take the two boys to Phnom Penh.
We have been visiting Phnom Penh for over seven years now and have developed a real love of it.
It helps to have family there but the opportunities it has shown us and the experiences the children have had there have been life changing.
We’d left Singapore and we were in our happy place.
I love nothing more than just hopping in a tuk-tuk and meandering through the crazy streets of PP.
There’s a certain sense of freedom, adventure and curiosity I feel when I am in these developing countries and seeing what the Cambodians have achieved, after being suppressed and ruled by the Khmer Rouge for so long, is extraordinary.
I love visiting the temples too and do so each time I visit.
Julius was interested this time.
He was desperate to get to Wat Ounalom and meditate. Just the two of us.
Over the course of this year, spiritually we have grown a great deal more connected.
There is no doubt, no alcohol strengthens that connection deeply but I have realised all the inner work I have been doing over the last four years not only affects me but also affects the entire family.
Jemima can tell when I’m tuning in and now Julius can tell, or receives guidance on the steps we are to take next.
To be honest, that gets a little freaky sometimes.
But back to the Wat!
It’s one of my favourite temples, calm, peaceful, inviting.
I didn’t get thrown out because I wasn’t a Buddhist or because I was a woman. No: both Julius and I were graciously welcomed.
There was a monk checking his Facebook when we arrived, and we asked whether he could give us a blessing.
I do love receiving a blessing from a monk, there’s something very magical and meaningful about it.
Once done, Jules and I sat in front of the alter, lit some incense and meditated for a while.
I meditated on my Divine Goddess mantra, which I will share with you later and received very clear guidance on what to do next.
I was to get Julius to face me, take both his hands in mine and facilitate not only a deep healing process but to honour our sacred and divine union.
The beauty of an open and honest relationship is that by bringing things up and talking through things, you can sort things out.
As uncomfortable as it was, it has, eventually bought Jules and I closer.
The thing about healing is that it is at times uncomfortable because what you are doing is bringing up the darkness inside, up into the light, to be healed and transmuted into love.
It’s the path to ascension.
Things come up for one reason and one reason only.
To be healed.
Keeping things inside causes nothing but dis-ease. If left untreated it leads to physical illness and blockages that can take years to unblock.
Trust me I know!
It was becoming increasingly awkward however. We did see X a fair bit and both Jules and I were fully aware of my feelings. I had to tread very carefully. I couldn’t appear overly friendly – because Jules would freak and at the same time I didn’t want to make it seem like there was anything weird going on.
I was trying to manage Jules and I was trying to manage my feelings for X.
It’s all part of the journey.
If only we knew that to manage things properly we just need to let if flow, and let it go!
Accept feelings, with no judgement.
Just simply let them be with no attachment.
It is what it is!
Isn’t that what they say?
But because I was unaware at this moment and fully attached to the outcome, I was determined to find out just what X was doing in our lives and at that moment, unbeknownst to me, I had started my spiritual journey back home.
I have always said to the children to tell me the truth.
No matter what.
There is nothing they could do that we couldn’t work through and if they chose to lie to me, the consequences would be far greater.
I stand by this.
However it wasn’t easy when Jules turned to me one night and asked if there was anything going on between X and I, and I simply said no, which was the truth!
The next question wasn’t so easy.
“Do you have feelings for him?”
If I say no, I’m going against everything I stand for so I was just going to have to take a very deep breath and tell him the truth.
I sometimes wonder whether it was worth it.
It broke my heart to see his reaction, but I’m sure it was nothing compared to how he was feeling.
This brought up a lot of questions. Night after night together on the grey couch of truth we worked our way through it. Some nights it was really quite funny, others not so, but now there was more healing to do. More questions to answer, another hurdle to overcome.
That’s the thing about feelings.
What do we do with them exactly? What purpose do they serve? (We’ll get to this later).
So now we have a daughter battling depression and a wife with a major crush.
…and I can tell you that Gin and Tizzle tasted mighty fine!
Things had got a little much that week.
Still no job for Jules and when you are in a foreign country that’s no good.
Our work passes expire shortly, which means neither of us can work, which means I have to shut down my beloved TempleSoul.
This, to be honest, just made me very sad.
I have loved running my little business and loved getting to know my TempleSoul community.
Everything was just going so well and now seemed to be going so horribly wrong.
It’s one thing to lose your job in your own country, but to lose it overseas just makes everything a little worse.
Not to mention the fact that it’s the second time in three years.
We decided on a week in Cambodia with cousins would do us all the world of good.
Apparently ice cold gin and tonics, red wine and espresso martinis were also a fabulous idea!!!
They were, at the time, but I can tell you now the next day, it didn’t feel like such a great idea.
Where to now?
The prospect of heading back to Australia excited me at first.
We would be reunited with our two other kids, we would be back amongst the sea and surf, the outback, that big, blue sky, but Singapore has been our home for the last seven and a half years and yes, my god we were dealt some challenges, but there is not one part of this journey I would ever change.
I have loved Singapore with all my heart.
I love the friends I have made here with all my heart.
I love TempleSoul with all my heart.
Leaving the red dot is not going to be easy and I must summon all my spiritual strength to do so with grace and ease.
He just made me smile and let’s face it, I liked resonating in his field.
This can happen.
It happens when you have an instant recognition with someone, like you know them already – a soul mate or someone from your soul family.
And you do literally resonate at the same frequency.
It wasn’t like when I met Jules. Jules, I could not have been more sure of.
This one I wasn’t.
He was in my life for a reason, but what was that?
Here come the questions again!!!
As I’ve learnt now I should have let the feelings wash straight through me.
My biggest mistake at this stage was that I attached myself to thoughts and feelings of him and for the life of me could not let them go. It was like feeding a fire instead of starving it into extinction.
Oh I fed those thoughts alright. Day in and day out. That fire was growing steadily and soon it would be a raging inferno!!
We’re good at that, adding fuel to the fire. One of my biggest lessons on my spiritual journey so far has been to learn to LET IT GO!!!!!
It’s not as easy as it sounds.
You have to be strong.
You have to be vigilant and you have to be aware.
At every moment.
And when I look back I can see just how many signs the universe was giving me, yet I still couldn’t do it.
I just couldn’t hide it anymore. What was going on inside me was being expressed all over my face, for everyone to see.
Including my husband……
…….and then came the moment it all came to a head!
Who was this guy??? Who sent him??? Why was he here, sitting in my lounge room?
I had met guys before. Loads of them. I have an enormous amount of male friends. Some of my best friends are men. Some men come and some men go and I can’t remember even meeting them. Some I have an instant connection with and we can laugh together until we cry. Some I don’t see for ten years, and probably just as well, because when we get together, there’s like a giant explosion of fun that can last for 3 days. Just beautiful friends, uncomplicated, always fun, a little naughty but just full of life and love, caring, considerate and kind. The kind of guys that if I needed them would be over in a heart-beat.
This one was a little different though.
And I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
You know the ones who are a little scary to look at? And not just because they are really good looking, but just because they seem to look directly into your soul, and let’s face it that can be a little unnerving.
I could never fully relax around him, I was always a bit on edge and the attraction didn’t happen straight away. It was like a slow-moving train. It took a while to pull out of the station, but once it hit its top speed it was almost unstoppable.
He was coming around more and more regularly.
And I was soon feeling a tad too excited when I knew we were in for a visit!
It happened one night.
We were having a dinner party, as we do. I love entertaining!
Everything was on track but for some reason I was feeling nervous.
Nervous that ‘X’ was coming.
I hadn’t felt that nervous before.
No. Something unusual was happening.
Now, we have to take into account here that I wasn’t into all things ‘energy’ back then. I was just spending time, going within, connecting to my guides and angels, so I wasn’t aware of the strength at which I could feel energy and didn’t really know what it was.
Well. I most certainly caught a glimpse of it that night.
We went to bed that night and Julius asked if he could have another energy exchange.
Lying next to each other, our hands palm on palm, the energy started to flow.
It travels rhythmically, making it’s way through my body, through his.
A deep connection with the heart is established, one where I can actually connect with his and feel it breathing, in union with mine, in union with the divine.
At first it feels playful and fun, you feel childlike, like you are playing amongst the stars. They flow through you, around you, inside you, filling you with sparkly star dust so bright you begin to glow like the full moon in a clear night sky.
It is at this moment you become aware there is so much more to you then just skin and bone.
We lay there in silence as the energy filled our bodies with divine, sparkly light, the two of us submerged in the flow of the cosmos, united with our creator.
The energy began to slowly but steadily build.
Without any movement at all and laying perfectly still our energies were merging –
the divine feminine from me,
the divine masculine from him.
The two were caressing each other, dancing playfully yet seductively, building effortlessly as we lay there experiencing their divine union.
Shakti and Shiva.
The energy had changed slightly from starry to seductive, it was now moving from playful to a divine sexual hum.
I was trying my very best to keep things ‘normal’ at home. Jemima was seeing a psychologist weekly, which helped enormously. We had sorted out her medication and found one to suit. The school had a safe space set up for her and were absolutely brilliant.We were on the right track, but acutely aware she wasn’t out of the woods yet.
We just had to be there for her.
Every minute of every day.
Julius was going through the motions and I guess the stress of work was intensified by what was happening at home. When you are living in fear, you are projecting fear – into every aspect of your life.
He wasn’t sleeping a great deal, he was traveling, all the time, and when I look back he was probably drinking more than he should.
He had in some way checked out. Who could blame him. He just went ‘missing’.
We weren’t fighting, he just wasn’t ‘there’.
So when ‘X’ breezed in through the gates of Watten Estate, it was truly like a breath of fresh air!!
Someone easy to talk to, good fun, someone that needed no looking after.
He was likeable.
He was funny, exuberant, and seemed to just have the ability to take my mind off things.
Just for a little while.
But there was something about him I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
Jemima was going through a living hell and then out of the blue Julius started experiencing difficulties at work. All of a sudden the twenty, on-the-whole, happy years he had spent at a financial institution were becoming harder and harder to handle.
The timing wasn’t good.
Our daughter was literally fighting for her life, she was in year 11, what on earth was going on?
Night after night, I now had to listen to tales of woe from the bank.
After what was an exhausting day, I had to buckle up for an exhausting night.
Did I want to hear about challenging bosses, difficult clients and disgruntled employees, night after night????
I sat down the end of the table and actually thought to myself, “Is this actually happening? Is this a joke? Do I actually have to listen to this right now?”
But I did.
Julius was my husband and it was also time to support him.
For him, the situation was dire. He was suffering in his own way. It looked like he may not be able to find a job within the ‘institution’, and quite frankly I hoped he wouldn’t! He was that stressed out I actually thought he would have a heart-attack.
….what we didn’t realise was the universe had a plan and in the coming months it would be bought well and truly to our attention.
I remember working at the ABC in Gore Hill in Sydney with the beautiful Merrrileeeeeeee! I remember her saying to me…
“The Universe will give you a little tap on the shoulder at first, and if you don’t respond to that, maybe a little nudge, and if you’re still not responding it will give you a little push, and if you still ignore the guidance it will just give you a big, fat, push and knock you clean off your feet. Just so you get the message”.
It, like the rendition of “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” was profound advice I will not forget.
I love the Universe and when you realise the way it all works, you will too!!
However at the time, I wasn’t aware of the workings of the Universe, so I wished for change. Something to swing my way. Something just to lift my spirits, pull me out of this exhausting situation. Obviously I had asked because he came.
In the form of,
Tall, dark AND handsome (Because it comes in three’s)
For the next five weeks I will be dedicating SoulSutras to a union so powerful and strong it would be remiss of me not to share it with you.
Never in our wildest dreams did we think our love life would take such a dramatic turn.
I’ve heard about Tantra, numerous times, but had never practiced it consciously. The experience that followed was not taken from any text book, not learned, it was divinely intuited. Each move whispered to me by Spirit, through pulsating divine energy, connecting Julius and I in what can only be described as a merging of the divine – both physically and energetically. We experienced an expansion of our awareness, bringing us into perfect union with all that is.
But, before I get to the destination I will take you on the short trip that led us there.
Two nights prior Julius and I had gone to bed.
I placed my hand on his and let the energy flow.
It flowed in through my crown, passed into my heart and out through my hands.
It flowed into his hand up his arm and into his heart.
I could feel the beautiful circular path it flowed, and so could he.
Soon it had filled our entire bodies with a gentle, sexual hum.
It felt as though we were dancing amongst the stars, joining seamlessly with this beautiful, amazing cosmos.
We fell asleep blissfully adrift and wrapped snuggly in a blanket of stars.
The next day I awoke and felt a real need for another Ashati activation. (I am doing my Masters in Energy Healing)
Something inside me was nudging me toward it. I contacted my Ashati teacher here in Singapore and he said the next activation could take place in late April.
I would have to wait.
Then I thought, I have another 4 activations for Kundalini Reiki which I can do myself under the founder’s guided meditation.
So it was decided.
I would find a quiet space, lay down, and receive my Kundalini 6 activation.
We were at the start of our healing journey with Mima and I was at the start of my personal healing journey.
Unbeknownst to me I had started the long journey home.
Back to my truth, back to my heart.
I felt completely different. Gone, were the currents of anxiety, replaced by a new sense of calm. A wiseness and a knowing I hadn’t had before, or at least had long forgotten.
Accepting now of what was happening and able to approach it from a completely different perspective, I rolled up my sleeves and stopped blaming and starting healing, (although I didn’t know it at the time).
It was still challenging and at times desperate.
Holding her shaking body in my arms, night after night, day after day, just honouring her grief, trying to fill her with the memory she WAS strong, she COULD beat this. Yes, it wasn’t going to be easy but when she was on the other side she was going to know the meaning of strength. I knew she was strong because she came from strong stock. A line of divine feminine beings who were nothing but strong.
My Irish Great Grandmother came out to Australia a teenager, fell in love with the local milkman, raised 8 children and ran a dairy in Donegal Street behind the Robin Hood Hotel. I remember her clearly. At 93 looking frail and small in a big double bed in Bollingbroke Grove, her tiny frame being warmed by the brightly coloured crocheted rug she wove with her own withered, hard-working hands. She’d open the cupboards above the stove from her wheelchair, with her walking stick and would somehow get what she needed.
Jemima’s Great Grandmother, my beloved “Nornie” had raised five of her own. The first, my mother, being raised while her father was fighting in World War Two in Papua New Guinea. Nornie outlived my beloved ‘papa’ by a good twenty years and still cried whenever she talked of him. A man like no other. I loved him with all my heart, as did she.
My own mother, Jemima’s Grandmother, Annie, had to raise me!!
Outspoken, strong, assertive and feminine – but that’s for another post!
Jemima had it in her, I knew she did.
It was a day by day struggle. Each day would produce a new set of battles to overcome, but I never gave up my meditation. It became my way of being. It grounded me to Divine Mother Earth and connected me with a new (or old and forgotten) way of being.
I began receiving very clear guidance.
At first I thought it was just my imagination but then the synchronicity became too hard to ignore. I began writing after each meditation.
As I was healing and opening my heart I was able to help Mima heal too, and just at the right time.
When I was a young girl I was headstrong, determined and very outspoken – especially if I thought as a girl I was being treated unequally!
I think we all know the feeling,
If we dress in a way that makes us feel sexy, beautiful and feminine we are often viewed as promiscuous.
If we speak our mind assertively we are deemed difficult and
If we take charge and control of situations we are domineering.
These qualities were not encouraged and were seen as unladylike – and not exclusively by men either – but by quite a few women in my life as well (Sr Jeanne I AM pointing the finger at you!)
I spent most of my teenage years and a lot of my early adult years trying to suppress them.
It hasn’t been until recently that I have realised I need these characteristics as they are deeply embedded in my DNA.
As one healer guided me,
“This is your beautiful energy, and you can’t just cut off a piece of your energy, you have to integrate this into your entire being – you need it, to become whole.”
Wise guidance Yantara Jiro, thank you!
I did integrate this energy and guess what? I have never felt more myself and it is an amazing feeling when you stand in your power, in your truth, so completely comfortable with who you are.
So from today, I am not only going to embrace but bring forth my divine feminine gifts (even if it makes others uncomfortable) boldly and unashamedly for it is these gifts that make me (us) a powerful, vital and necessary force.
I would encourage you to do the same.
Let’s all gather today, and stand firmly in our feminine power, connect into the collective feminine consciousness and co-create a world where we are seen, heard and respected in union with the divine masculine, recognising the need for equal balance if we are ever going to live in a peaceful world.
So my beautiful sisters, on this International Women’s Day, embrace your amazingness as strong, powerful and vital women – and let’s join together to help raise the resonance of the earth to one of peace, love, respect and understanding.
….and finally I want to share this recipe with you (coz we’re home-makers as well)
Take a dash of assertiveness,
Add a tablespoon of courage and control,
Blend with feminine grace and love,
And finally add a handful or two of sexy.
Being a whole and complete woman tastes delicious!!
To say it was an intense ten days is an understatement.
I was pushed so far out of my comfort zone I was in another stratosphere!
At times, when they would tell us what we were about to do, I would look to the nearest exit and think to myself if I run out now, how far would I get before someone would catch me. At times it felt that bad and definitely made me that uneasy.
But like everything, it had its up side.
In fact, in hindsight, it was brilliant. Hard, but brilliant.
As I sat there on that first day amidst a group of almost 30 strangers as they told their harrowing stories of why they were there, I wept solidly for each and every one of them. Their stories, on the whole, were hard to hear and I imagine almost impossible to live through.
We were all there to heal.
And heal we would. Certainly not our entire being but a good part of it.
It was the most amazing, cleansing, uplifting experience I have had and along with the healing I have made some beautiful life long friends.
I had practiced yoga on and off for years, had astral travelled and seen deities. I had seen and felt energy pouring into my heart centre. I always thought these experiences were other worldly but to me they didn’t seem that unusual.
However, it was the first time I had truly meditated.
Each day, we meditated and on some occasions drew what we experienced.
The very first meditation went for a couple of hours, or definitely felt like that. It blew my mind. On one occasion I felt my life force, another a heart opening, every experience was profound and beautiful. What had I stumbled across?
…and there it was.
It was a simple as that.
Going within, opening your heart and feeling the love.
“Radiant energy, Quiet and Still, A heart full of love, I can and I will”
I’ve heard this line more than I care to remember and not from watching re-runs of the Wizard of Oz!
has at some stage gently urged me to Surrender.
“Surrender to what?” I’d angrily interject.
In “The Artist’s Way”, by Julia Cameron, which I am currently reading, it talks of positive affirmations.
“An affirmation is a positive statement of (positive) belief, and if we can become one tenth as good at positive self-talk as we are at negative self-talk, we will notice an enormous change. Affirmations help to achieve a sense of safety and hope.”
The following was one of Julia Cameron’s Creative Affirmations:
“My dreams come from God and God has the power to accomplish them.”
(For those uneasy with the term God, please substitute what bodes well for you – Universe, All That Is, Creator, Source etc etc )
“My dreams come from the Universe, and the Universe has the power to accomplish them”.
Of course I know this deep down but the constant reminder of Surrender means that I am not putting into practice this knowledge.
We all come from the same source, the same awareness, the one mind – we are part of it and it is part of us.
As the physical being, we tend to block the creative flow of the Universe or the Creator by constantly stopping this flow, through negative thoughts and beliefs.
The Universe is constantly showing us the way, presenting us with occasions to show our strengths, our gifts and our talents but all too often we block these through fear, jealousy anger and even hatred.
We have to learn to step out of the way and fully trust in the Universe’s master plan for us all.
Surrender and let the Creator – create, through your physical vehicle a life rich in happiness, love and joy – just as it intended for all inhabitants of this beautiful planet of ours.
It was to be a long road and by no means an easy one but as with everything there was to be a positive side to this seemingly negative situation.
Everything happens for a reason.
I decided to tell everyone I knew. I learnt from my own battle this was the right thing to do. I did ask Jemima whether this was ok and explained to her why.
The school was amazing, the staff, the principal, the councillors, the nurses. Everyone was aware.
Her friends were amazing. Alerting me always if the situation was getting out of control or whether this time she had cut too deeply.
My friends were amazing. Supporting me and helping me through it every step of the way.
My family were amazing. They supported all of us. Sending letters of encouragement to Mimes, giving us hugs when we felt helpless. I remember just sobbing in my mother’s arms telling her I was sorry, that I wasn’t sure I could save her.
In the midst of it all and all in one week I was told about a course that friends thought might be of interest for Mimes. Three times in one week, because it happens in three!!
It was called The Hoffman Process and no sooner had the third person told me about it, I was skyping Volker in Byron Bay. Two hours after that I was booked on a plane and enrolled in the course that would be a catalyst in the spiritual journey that was to come.
Although it wasn’t Jemima going it was me and I had to make sure Jules was on board first. I was not going anywhere unless he was with Jemima 24 hours a day for the 10 days I was gone.
I admit I was terrified of leaving but knew in my heart this was the best thing to do. She was in a hole and I was following her right down into it. I had to gather my strength, calm my nerve and ground myself so I could think clearly and do everything I could to help her out.
I thought you all may be wondering how life without alcohol is going for us, and I’m here to tell you, it’s fantastic!!!
You may remember that ‘war’ was what led Jules and I to take a year off alcohol so we could both take time to heal from what had been a tumultuous four or so years.
….and I can happily tell you it is love that is bringing us back together and assisting with the healing process.
Nothing new here you might say, but I feel it’s important to reiterate as we sometimes forget.
Love is what we are, at our core.
It resides in the Sacred Space of our heart.
It is responsible for creating, manifesting, healing and going back home, to the truth of who we are.
Over the last 2 months, I’ve noticed three fabulous changes.
The connection to Spirit is a whole lot clearer and easier to access
I have never felt happier and more at ease with who I am
…and making love to my beautiful husband has never felt so delicious*.
There are some pretty fabulous changes, right there!
1. As I have said previously I really felt I needed to focus and have clarity on where and what I wanted TempleSoul to be.
To bring to life the creation, to birth what I have in my heart into the physical so I can help people and teach people to ‘be’ a little differently.
There’s no doubt about it without the drink my creativity and inspiration has soared. I am illustrating a children’s book, my lover is writing it – (don’t panic everyone that’s Jules!), I’m writing my own novel, and bringing to life my Sacred Space, TempleSoul, to share with you all.
My daily connection to source is my inspiration.
When you are In Spirit, you are in flow and when you are in flow you are in the best place you can be.
2. When I was in Adelaide recently I managed to catch up with my oldest, most beautiful friends. Most of us have known each other since we were 5. There was not a minute of that lunch I felt sad that I was not having a champagne with them. I just felt so happy and excited to be with them. One of my most beautiful friends Belinda shot through a text the next day, which touched my heart so deeply and summed up so perfectly how I am feeling.
“….As I was pumping out the reps this morning I was thinking of you and just wanted to say – you look the happiest I have seen you in a looooong time…..like a weight has been lifted…..and how proud I am of you (and Jubes) to ditch the alcohol – I know what a difference it makes to your health and mind – love you Rach – have a great day”
Thanks Beebs, I love you too!
And it’s true! I have never felt more at ease with who I am and never felt a stronger connection to the work I am doing. I have found my path and it feels so perfect.
It was so beautiful of Belinda to take the time to write to me too. So often we think things but don’t tell people and those few words had such a strong impact, were so affirming and made me smile throughout the entire day, and maybe even a few days after that as well!
Friends are so amazing.
* I did notice that my gorgeous Aunty Claire (or Angelface as she’s lovingly known by family) was following my blog, so with that in mind it may be time to stop reading now Angleface!!!!
3. Make Love, Not War!
….and to the final change, and the most beautiful, is the deep, soulful reconnection to Julius.
It’s an entirely different love-making experience when you’re sober.
There’s a current of the most awesome sexual energy pulsing through my body, dare I say it, most of the time these days, and to share this with the one you love is a magnificent experience.
Reconnecting and healing through this natural act and exploring and reconnecting with that energy has a very powerful impact on a union.
Feeling and being present to every touch, every subtle whisper, two bodies entwined in the energy that resides inside our hearts, the energy we are made of, can only be described as palpable.
This rippling, pulsating, divine energy, rejuvenates you, inspires you, soothes you and connects two people in the most beautiful way.
Sober, you are here.
Present, unaltered, venerable.
Between two consenting partners, never underestimate the healing power of a long and luscious, love-making session.
Whether you perceive situations to be good or bad in the end is irrelevant.
It simply is.
What we ‘do’ and how we ‘perceive’ that situation is up to us.
It’s a choice. Simple. And once we realise this the healing can begin.
Jemima’s depression sent me into a downward spiral. I felt helpless and hopeless. Was it my fault? Was I such a bad mother to cause my daughter to suffer in this way?
Was it my fault?????
We always question everything. It’s human nature. (Or is it just a learned behaviour?)
Whatever it was, I was questioning it, and all the time. I was in a panic. A complete panic!
In November of 2012 we moved into an awesome new house. A three story bungalow tucked away in leafy Bukit Timah. Secluded, quiet and private. Just as we liked it. It had a large in ground pool, perfect for those too hot days……each and every day! It had a bedroom for everyone. It had a huge yard with a rambutan shading the pool, its plentiful fruit giving us a sweet summer treat straight from Mother Nature. It was amazing.
We hadn’t shown the kids on purpose, they all wanted to be surprised.
As we drove up the long driveway and got out of the car everyone was beside-them-selves excited.
All but one.
As we sat on our whicker chairs admiring our new surroundings I just got that sinking feeling. Something wasn’t quite right. Jemima had simply said, “Which room’s mine?”. No smile, no feeling, no expression.
I looked at Jules and said, “I think she has depression. Could you please go upstairs and see if she’s ok?”
He came down and said “She’s locked herself in the bathroom. I can’t get in”.
I took the long walk up three flights of stairs, my blood cold, my heart thumping.
I eventually got her to open the door.
She was distraught.
Huddled in a ball in the corner of the bathroom bawling her eyes out.
I simply held her and said, “I think you have depression darling. I have had it and you will get through it. We will get through this. Together”
On that fateful day in November 2012, when for a moment time stood still and my blood ran cold, I was shocked back to living.
Totally oblivious to anyone else’s pain I was going through life, happy and content. Sure Mimes had got a bit skinnier, a LOT skinnier and I was concerned and had a chat to my nutritionist friend. Could she be anorexic? We would keep an eye on her.
The move to Singapore had been a big one for her and not an easy one.
I remember the little letter she slipped under our door after we had just told the kids we were moving. It read,
“Thanks for ruining my life”.
It was direct, to the point and very apt.
We were concerned how this move would play out for the children and can I blame depression on the move only? Surely this was going to be the best move for everyone. New experiences, broadening their horizons how could it be anything but brilliant.
But for one little girl it was perceived differently.
Now she was different.
The girl who moved to Singapore.
The little girl who had been at the same little school in Melbourne with the same little group of girls since she was 5, was now moving to a foreign country and was thrown into year 8 with 180 other kids, none of whom she knew. Boys and girls. From all walks of life.
Not one familiar face.
It probably happened almost immediately but the signs didn’t start to show for a few years. The disinterest in food, the disinterest in going out.
She had lost that loving feeling and I now know why I had experienced my own battle with depression.
Battling depression is never going to be an easy one.
I know because I have experienced it. When I was diagnosed way back in 1999, I was in complete denial. I felt like a complete failure and I didn’t want anyone to know and if I heard anyone had been discussing it I was furious! The Doctor said she thought it had been undiagnosed and that I had been experiencing it for a lot longer.
I believe I did have depression the first time when I was a teenager.
I locked myself in my room for about two years from around the age of 14 to 16.
Two things pulled me out of this dark place. My friends and U2.
I sat in my room and listened to U2 on high rotation – that would become the sound track to my life and get me through some of my darkest hours and I would paint.
Creating and painting was my saviour. I listened to T-Rex, The Smiths, Tom Petty, Cat Stevens and copious amounts of U2. My room from floor to ceiling was covered, every inch of it with four young, handsome Irishmen. I remember my friends dad, Andrew returning home from a year living in NYC armed with gifts from the Big Apple. He knew me too well.
He gave me a book, full of A2 posters, a discography and a very rare vinyl record he found in Soho. It was one of U2’s first recordings, “Driving To Midnight Mass In Dublin On Christmas Eve”. It’s almost as bad as the 1975’s, “I like it When You Sleep For You Are So Beautiful Yet So Unaware of It”. Anyway long and interesting album titles aside, I was in heaven. My shrine was complete. No wall remained uncovered and I could just disappear to another world when I entered my bedroom.
I remember not going out, being content with my own company and painting to my heart’s content. It wasn’t until one night I remember my friends ringing, on the landline, and telling me they were coming to pick me up whether I liked it or not. I was so unimpressed but come they did. From memory Jo had a cream Torana, or something like that. She always carried an Alpine Light in her left hand and would flick the flicker on, fag in hand. Karen, Giorge, and Liney came to get me. We would have been just 16. The Toole’s must have been away or maybe they were drinking white wine with The Killey’s in the front room, all I remember is walking into a room were I was greeted by another George, larger than life and happy as Larry and Toby and probably Paul, maybe Andrew and Simon. It was too much but I did my best to look interested.
It wasn’t until they put me up on the arm of the couch all knelt down in front of me and in their finest voices sang “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling”. It wasn’t Maverick or Goose but it was heartfelt and the most moving moment of my life. I wonder as I write this whether any of them would remember that night.
Like it was yesterday.
As at that very moment I knew I was going to be ok.
I had amazing friends and their love and support radiated from their hearts and their voices, not quite as good as mine but ok none the less.
So what sets teenage angst and depression apart???
It comes in three’s is something my mother always says and she was right.
Over the course of 18 months, Three. BIG. Things. Happened.
We, as a family unit were going along very happily, or so we thought. We were living the dream. We had moved to Singapore late December 2009 from Melbourne. I can tell you living in Australia and living in Singapore could not be more different experiences. My friend John has always said he has never seen anyone adapt to living in a different country so swiftly and happily. It was true, I absolutely LOVED Singapore, and still do.
There’s a line from a Tom Petty song, Wildflowers, it says,
“You belong somewhere you feel free”
and Singapore offered that freedom.
In short, I was married in 1995, welcomed our first child Jemima in October 1996, moved to Sydney from Adelaide in December 1997, had our second child Jacob in April of 1998, was diagnosed with PND in 1999, moved from Sydney to Melbourne in July 2000, welcomed Remy in December 2001, welcomed Orlando in 2004, renovated in 2008, moved to Singapore in December of 2009. In between all that suffered three miscarriages.
We have been busy.
As any working mother knows, it’s hard to keep things afloat. Working, cooking, cleaning, looking after kids, sport, Dr’s, social engagements the list goes on and on. My husband was keen to give living in Asia a go. Being the intrepid traveller I am I said sure, but the move had to happen swiftly. Jemima would be going into year 8 and I didn’t want to move her after that. So again, things happened swiftly and before long we were living on the Little Red Dot. The tropical, stormy, humid island that is Singapore.
As I said, I couldn’t love it more.
I love change and in fact thrive on it. I get a bit restless if things stay the same for too long. I think that’s one of the reasons Singapore suits me. My friendship group, amongst other things changes every 6 months. Far from being a hardship, I think it works in my favour. I have met some of the most interesting people and forged some of the strongest friendships, ones that will be with me for life.
I love people.
I love meeting new people.
They bring such joy in to my being. I love hearing their stories and expats seem to have this same thirst, so most people you meet are here because they too are adventurous and courageous and open to meeting new and interesting people and having new and interesting experiences. The locals too are interesting, quite quirky and just having the opportunity to explore a different culture is exciting and awesome fun!
….and the travel! Oh the travel. Where hadn’t we been?
Over the 7 years we have been to Cambodia, Vietnam, Beijing, Hong Kong, Burma, India, The Maldives, Spain, France, Italy, The UK, Sri Lanka amongst other places. We have travelled, explored and had the time of our lives and all with four children in tow. I felt like the luckiest girl alive. Not to mention the fact I now had a live-in helper who would take care of all the cooking, cleaning and ironing!!! It was a complete dream come true.
So when did it all go so drastically wrong?
I say that because at the time, that is how I viewed it.
November 2012 – Our daughter Jemima would be diagnosed with severe depression.
May 2013 – Enter ‘X’. Stage right!
January 2014 – My husband would lose his job he had worked at for 20 years.
So, if you’ve explored my blog and read the ‘About’ section or ‘Welcome to TempleSoul’section you may have worked out I am a healer, an Intuitive Healer.
This change in profession, realisation or whatever you’d like to call it happened swiftly, very swiftly.
One minute I was a Graphic Designer putting together my website for kids, Radio Bambini and keeping my app, Child of the Week on the go, and the next I was studying like I have never studied before.
I hated school and found studying both a chore and a bore.
This was different.
I couldn’t get enough.
I had been told by psychics, mediums and my meditation teacher that I was a healer, but sometimes you just have to find out for yourself. I had ignored the advice for years but in January of 2016 while sitting in a bar off Amoy Street in Singapore with my meditation teacher Dani and my Soul Sista, Renae, Dani simply said, “So Chook, when are you going to start that healing course?”
I started the next day.
One clairvoyant, the beautiful Heather Grace from Adelaide said when it happened, it would happen swiftly and there would be no turning back. She said I would write a blog that would be extremely popular (Well I am writing the blog, let’s see how popular it becomes!) and I seem to remember raising an eyebrow skeptically as I did back in 2014. She said 2016 would be the year my spiritual growth would grow exponentially. She wasn’t wrong.
I am currently studying with The Ashati International Institute of Energy Healing founded by Frenchman Jerome Baudel and in May 2016 started a Sacred Space in Singapore called TempleSoul offering yoga, meditation and energy healing.
But this blog will start a few years earlier and tie my previous four posts together.
The Art of Opening Your Heart Chakra – Kundalini Yoga
Last Thursday night under the gaze of the full moon, I was fortunate enough to attend an amazing Kundalini Yoga class with the beautiful Rebecca Pflaum here in Singapore.
Jules and I first met Rebecca in Bali last May when we stayed at her Boutique Retreat Centre, Naya in Ubud for our 21st wedding anniversary.
This was the first class I had attended of hers and only my second Kundalini Yoga class.
I have been a fan of yoga for years and have practiced on and off for the last twenty years. I have practiced under a canopy of trees in the Singapore Botanic Gardens and in sacred temples in Bali. I have practiced Iyenga and Hatha, Ashtanga and Yin, amongst others, but right now, at this very moment I LOVE Kundalini Yoga.
Rebecca is such a beautiful teacher. Engaging, relaxed, natural and knowledgeable. She has been teaching for a long time and it shows. She makes you feel relaxed and comfortable and whether you are seasoned or relatively new, she makes you feel at home.
Kundalini yoga is a dynamic practice and one that takes you on a journey through your chakras – the stairway to heaven as she put it!
A combination of movement, mantra and music it is such an amazing practice. Quite sexual in its nature, as the movement starts at the base chakra, Muladhara, and works its way up. It is connected with the creative energy – the Divine Feminine and I can tell you, the connection with this beautiful energy is instant and very real and her fiercely feminine nature can be felt resonating through every part of your body, igniting passion and divine love as it coils lusciously around and through the chakras.
The Divine Feminine embodies wisdom, intuition, love, understanding and compassion. We must activate and heal this Sacred Feminine essence in order to bring balance to ourselves and to the collective consciousness.
I have to admit I have been a little obsessed with my Kundalini since I started my journey.
Symbolized as a coiled, sleeping serpent at the base of the spine, Shakti, as its sometimes called, once awakened, uncoils and ascends through the spinal column – the source connection channel or Sushumana to the Crown Chakra – Sahasrara at the top of the head, and triggers a transcendent spiritual state.
Enlightenment can be attained after time – Giddy-Up!!!!
That’s what we’re after!
At breakfast I often ask Jules,
“Do you think my Kundalini will rise today”
to which he replies,
“Not if you butter your toast like that”.
“And so she rises, erupting, like an inferno.
The spark of your Soul, igniting the fire of your truth.
Julius and I have been together forever and I mean that quite literally.
We have certainly danced this merry dance before, time and time again.
I think that’s why when I first saw him mowing the lawns at his home in Barnard Street I knew from that very second I had just met my future husband.
My friend Naomi and I, all of 16 were having a dance, as we did, out in the ‘school room’. Aptly named because of the large blackboard that adorned its walls. We were dancing to Eric Clapton’s Rock and Roll Heart. We may have been playing guitar on some old wooden raquets. Well, we were 16! Just then I looked out the window and cruising past pushing a red Victa mower, curly hair just touching his shoulders, dark, skinny jeans, navy shearer’s tank and a pair of well worn blundstones, was Julius.
“Who’s that?” I asked nonchalantly.
“Oh, that’s my brother Jule. Haven’t you met?”
I tried hard not to show my true feelings or to say to my friend, “oh I just met my future husband” as that may have appeared a bit weird.
Nomes and I were sitting on the kitchen benches and in walked Jules.
“Hi, I don’t think we’ve met” he said, smiling broadly, “Would you like a cup of tea?”
I felt like saying I’d like more than a cup of tea, but politely nodded and said I’d love one, thank you.
It’s weird when that kind of thing happens. When you just know.
It seems that is my one psychic ability that is the most defined.
Claircognizance – The psychic ability of knowing.
We didn’t get together for a couple of years but boy did I have fun chasing him around the streets of Adelaide. Being in love with your friends brother was awkward to say the very least and did cause some upsets but being the friend of your sisters boyfriend made it very easy to track him down. I suddenly developed a keen interest in where my sister was going and what she was doing on the weekend.
My most vivid memory and one that I feel cemented our union took place at the front bar of the Norwood Hotel. I can’t remember when it was exactly but I had finally built up the courage to have a conversation with the guy I was deeply in love with. We spoke of our dreams, life our hopes. We got on extremely well and words cannot describe the intensity of my feelings. My sister Melissa and her then boyfriend, now husband, Peter were leaving and said “C’mon Rach, the taxi’s here”. We said goodbye and as I got to the front door I heard,”Hey Rach.” I turned around and with that same beautiful smile he said, “Sweet dreams”. I think Melissa and Peter may have had to pick me up off the floor as I may have fainted. That’s what love will do to you!
Fast forward to Swan Reach New Years Eve at Pauly George’s 1989/1990.
We stole our first kiss on the pier on the river and we have been together ever since.
We were married on May the 6th 1995 and welcomed our first daughter Jemima on October 8th 1996. The boys would come in 98, 01, and 04.
I’m very pleased to report that the first ten days without alcohol have been a breeze!
And actually, we are both feeling so much better!!!!
There seem to be an extra 12 hours in the day.
We are exercising daily, have changed our eating habits and are spending heaps more time with the kids.
Present and Aware.
There have been no jealous outbursts and the whole feel of the home is different.
Nights are spent either chatting, blogging or reading and days are fabulous as there is no alcohol haze hanging over our beings.
Clear & Focused.
Just as I intended.
First hurdle may be this Friday night when my beloved cousins come for dinner. I’ll keep you posted.
Yesterday, I had another appointment with the Light Chiropractor, Dr Theo Kieu. I started seeing him about three months ago at the advice of one of my healers, Yantara Jiro. Yantara explained to me that sometimes energy gets ‘stuck’ deep within us and it needs to be removed.
He said if I felt guided to go and see Theo that it would be very beneficial.
Of course I arrived home, rang and my appointment was booked.
Dr. Theo is amazing.
And I love the way he works because not only is he putting your bones back in place but if you are into all things spiritual, he will give you the spiritual meaning behind why your body holds itself in a particular way. We have been working on my ‘broken heart’ for months. This is a past life wound carried over, obviously the time is right for me to heal it in this lifetime. Every healer for the past two years has been talking about this broken heart of mine, and I know what caused it, but this is for another post.
Best to gain your trust before I start bringing on the crazy and talking about past lives!!
Finally after so much work. healing, meditation, mantra, holy springs, sound baths my heart is finally open…..
and it feels GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can’t stress enough the importance of healing.
In order to open up and be able to receive all the universe wants for us….
Happiness, joy, peace and love.
And bring some of those loving vibes into your being.