SoulSutras 72

“Fear, There and Everywhere………..”

After that first session and before my second, which I had booked the following Monday I went over some of my various readings and healings, even my earliest meditations I had transcribed and they all mentioned the fear.

This is the thing with shadow work.

We’re not always aware of what’s lurking beneath because we have hidden it away in the shadows for so long.

Equally important though was what was this fear stemming from?

When you do energy work and bring in the energy from Source it makes its way through the crown and down through the chakras. Any blockages will be revealed the deeper you get into your work. When the energy can’t get through, the next lesson is brought forth.

It is brought forth so we can remove the stagnant and blocked energy that is likely to be keeping us stuck in old and outdated belief systems which may be preventing us from moving forward.

Shadow work is so important as by suppressing traits we deem less than desirable we are ignoring and suppressing a part of ourselves.

My fear stemmed from when I was a very little girl.

I re-read a reading Clive gave me some weeks earlier that said fear was preventing me from fully moving forward and that it was stuck in my hips.

So that was what was being released while I was with WildFrau – the fear was what was rising up to be healed and the sickness I had after the acupuncture wasn’t in fact a clearing but was actually fear of facing what was coming up – more a kind of repulsion or aversion.

Also my need to run away, to leave my marriage, to be by myself was also a form of running away from myself of not wanting to face it, the fear that I had locked away for so very long.

I did a huge meditation on the Sunday and before I did it I pulled two cards. One from the mirror deck and one from the ……Oracle.

One was Sexuality and the other Dark Night Of The Soul

SoulSutras 71

“Facing The Fear……”

It was cold down at Bondi – a fierce wind was blowing up from the sea and it baffled me how those desperate surfers could be out there in such conditions.

I heard my name from behind and turned around to see a very gentle, smiling man – I immediately felt at peace.

We walked over to the soundproof music rooms.

“Oh God” I thought – “more screaming!”

We had a chat, one that would see me talking incessantly, skirting around the issue, not wanting to go there – open up Pandoras box…..again. Eventually I stopped talking and started listening.

He just said one word.

Fear.

And this was what we would work on today, that and some bashing with a metre length of plastic pipe.

I will be honest – I’ve done a lot of that in the past and I just wanted to do the breath work.

In the last half an hour we gave it a go.

I knew it would be awesome – I love working with the breath.

It was different to anything I had done before.

I lay down on a mat and breathed in through an open mouth and out through an open mouth.

The facilitator, in this case Martin guided me through the process.

It was so fascinating.

It started almost straight away – and there it was – the fear…..deep, dark fear, lurking in a deep, dark place.

The session was amazing and in it Martin was trying to coax out my voice. He was asking me just to make a single sound from this place of fear and no matter how hard I tried absolutely nothing would come out.

I just kept thinking, “Just one sound, that’s all I have to do, make just one sound”.

The session ended and I hadn’t managed to make a single solitary sound, but I had connected with the fear.

This was the next challenge – to clear the fear out of the body and there was no other way to do it but to connect with it, clear it and heal it.

This was going to be hard.

Hard and uncomfortable.

 

 

 

SoulSutras 70

“Lemon Breakdown………”

The next few weeks were very difficult.

I was not myself.

Reclusive and emotional I spent my days on the couch in quiet introspection.

I picked up another book, Am I Going Mad” by Marlyse Carroll which I actually bought for my son but which I found extremely beneficial.

In it the author mentioned Breath Work and that triggered a memory.

Years ago a psychic had said for me to do breath work, not meditation, breath work.

So I picked up my phone and goggled Breath Work Sydney.

I’ll be honest so much had transpired since I started kundalini yoga – things were coming to a head and all I wanted to do was run away.

Run away and be by myself.

It was so bad at one stage I was ready to walk out on my marriage altogether.

To start a new.

I’m a strong girl, capable and independent.

Was it time to experience life differently?

I have been with Jules since I was 16, married since I was 23, that’s 23 years this year – it is all I have known.

This was seriously what was going through my mind.

Luckily, doing the work I do, I was aware.

I picked up the phone and rang Martin Wilks.

He asked me why I wanted to do the session.

I said because I wasn’t sure I wanted to be married anymore and I wanted to find out whether I was coming from a place of truth or reacting to current circumstances.

I would meet him that Friday at Bondi Pavillion.

 

Marlyse Carroll  Am I Going Mad

Martin Wilks  www.martinwilks.org

 

SoulSutras 69

“An Uncomfortable Ride………”

You are probably wondering why one would put themselves through this.

But that’s why we’re here.

That’s why we have chosen to have a physical experience.

To learn and to hopefully grow.

To learn to grow from our experiences and flow with life more peacefully and gracefully knowing that all we experience is for our learning and growth.

Since I started my journey all those years ago I knew the kundalini would play a starring role.

When you become aware of what is happening you can work with the energy and at your pace – although the guidance after the session was “Rest To Create” – so I might try and take that on board.

We work on raising the kundalini to get back to wholeness to get back to the truth of who we are as a spiritual being.

To learn to silence the ego, so the heart may have its turn.

It’s true, it’s not always a pleasant experience but I believe one that is well worth the pain. It’s severity depends on a whole list of factors – past lives, and ego structure and the nervous system has to be strong enough to receive this powerful energy transmission for it to be able to rise fully and safely.

Sometimes it takes lifetimes to rise and lifetimes of conscious meditation and energy work to clear the path so it can rise – each of us is unique, each of us different and our journey’s will differ accordingly to what we have chosen to learn in this lifetime, to what we as individuals have called forth as lessons.

As those higher chakras open it can challenge the ego and that’s why it takes time – time to fully integrate these energetic changes as you learn to live a heart based existence and not an ego based one.

I know I’m still in the throws of integration and I admit I feel sad and angry and I can’t explain why but I fully trust this amazing and magical process and know when all is released and all is integrated I shall be born anew.

The light of consciousness exposes the darkness of the psyche – the shadow side and we have to learn to embrace this, not to shy away from it or pretend it’s not there as that’s where blockages start.

Embrace the shadows, so you can fully bask in the light.

Kundalini awakening restructures your entire nervous system and that in turn affects your entire being – mind, body and soul.

As each individual chakra is cleansed and balanced a new awareness arises, your conscious awareness expands and you ‘see’ things from your mind’s eye – your heart – and your perspective becomes much more pure and loving.

And when the kundalini makes its way up it then comes back down to its final resting place within the heart.

The benefits of a kundalini rising are many and varied. Increased artistic expression may present itself, stamina and your energy levels rise, your spiritual powers and psychic abilities will be heightened and as the kundalini is sexual in nature an increase in sexual energy may be welcomed.

Bring it on!

SoulSutras 68

“You Are So Much More Than You Think You Are……”

It was really interesting because this session picked up from where it left off.

This time I was with four other beautiful women – one French, one South African, one Argentinian, one German and the token Aussie – me!

There was still wild, uncontrollable movement in the hips and there was still sadness in that ‘spot’.

We worked on this a little more and it subsided.

This session there was no screaming though – just tears – some more gentle releasing and clearing.

The second session was interesting in that there was a quietness and stillness to the session. There was a lot of white light and peace – it was all quiet and all internal. The group on the whole was quiet and the music was in line with the healing during the session.

We had a break after this session before commencing the final one.

The final one was my absolute favourite and so different from all the others.

It was a transmission – an influx of new light energy and it was blissful and cathartic – I could feel it just streaming in – straight from the higher levels of consciousness through Katrin and into me.

Words cannot describe the pure state of bliss one feels as this occurs.

And it just didn’t stop. For the full hour as I breathed in, the light would enter and as I breathed out the light would integrate – it felt amazing.

The kundalini energy can often be likened to a full body orgasm as at times that is what it feels like. You kind of have to experience it to believe it.

I have experienced the full force of this sexual energy and its power and it is so profound and so life-altering that one really needs to know how to channel such an intense energetic transmutation.

This one was different to my last spontaneous kundalini awakening a few years ago – Jules rode the benefits of that for years after (No pun intended) – no this one was different as it was a full body transmutation, the last one, although just a partial awakening – from solar plexus to throat was quite primal, wild and almost unstoppable in nature – this was different.

This one was blissful in a different way.

It was just incredible and I new something special was taking place and I would just lie in a state of grateful receptivity for the remainder of the session.

You are so much more than you think you are.

SoulSutras 67

“Goddess, Warrior, Earth……”

At the next acupuncture session I told Trudy what happened.

Was I allergic to something in the herbal capsule??? We did some muscle testing on this which did bring up a few things but we concluded that actually the acupuncture coupled with the wildness of Katrin’s energy sessions had stirred up my energy perhaps a little too much.

I admit I smiled briefly when she said to perhaps lay off the kundalini for a while and let things settle.

I smiled because I was booked in to do a full day Divine Goddess Kundalini Transmission the following week in Bondi.

I wasn’t entirely sure that doing the workshop was a good idea but something was telling me to go.

I wasn’t sure whether I was going to share that with Trudy now or ever – I think I would just see how things went.

The Saturday rolled around and off I went in comfortable clothes with a yoga mat under my arm.

This day would be divided into three sessions

Goddess

Warrior

Earth.

Three sessions in one day!!!!!!!

Oh god! Was I ready for this????

SoulSutras 66

“The Epic Purge…….”

I admit it.

I thought I was going to die.

I can be a bit dramatic but this was quite a harrowing experience.

Now, I’m not saying everyone will experience this, it’s just that I tend to throw myself at things whole-heartedly which can sometimes lead me asunder.

It was horrendous.

The entire contents of my physical body decided to empty.

It was out of control and actually quite frightening.

That coupled with the fact that actually no-one could hear me! How could they not????

I dragged myself into the shower and then out of the shower and onto the cool floor of the bathroom. I just lay there waiting for someone to come and rescue me – and clean the bathroom 🙂

Alas, when it seemed apparent no-one was coming to rescue me, I dragged myself back to the bedroom, onto the bed and woke Jules.

After he had surveyed the damage he was getting ready to take me to the emergency ward at the Royal North Shore.

I assured him that although it did look like a murder most foul, I was actually fine. I just needed to sleep and sleep I would – soundly, with no more interruptions.

Now that was a purge of very epic proportions.

I told you that kundalini energy was powerful and not to messed with lightly.

I wonder if I could heed my own advice every once in a while?

SoulSutras 65

“Yin and Yang…..”

In addition to my kundalini sessions I was attending weekly acupuncture sessions to treat a mild prolapse.

My practitioner knew what I was doing and Katrin, Trudy and I were all working together to try and strengthen this root/sacral area.

I love acupuncture – it is so profoundly different to the whole WildFrau experience but so perfectly complimentary.

For an hour I am in a pure state of relaxed bliss as she manipulates my energy trying to get the balance and harmony right within.

She said my energy pools in the stomach area – we are trying to clear this so it can flow better.

I had my session, floated home on a blissful cloud and went quietly about my day. This time she introduced herbs.

I was to take one capsule instead of the recommended three just to see how I went.

When the kundalini energy rises and reaches the upper chakras an increased sensitivity to foreign substances in the body takes place.

My sensitivity is always to alcohol and contributes to me having to give it up completely. That and red meat.

Anyway, I’m not great with anything foreign in my body – except babies – I’m very good at those!!

So I took my herbal tincture at about 1pm, went about my day and then went to bed about ten.

An hour later it started.

Just a slight stirring in my stomach.

I tried to just breathe deeply and methodically, calming my system, reassuring myself that everything was ok.

But it wasn’t.

Yes, I had stirred something up and it was on its way out and I hurled myself out of bed, down the hallway and into the bathroom with literally seconds to spare.

SoulSutras 64

“Clearing to Heal…….”

When the screaming subsided the tears flowed.

Cleansing me – body, soul and spirit.

And that was followed by very aggressive movements in the hips.

I could not control them. It was almost as though they were releasing – releasing fear – releasing opposition – releasing stored up emotion and they were finding their balance again.

These movements went on for a very long time and when the music stopped and Katrin brought us all back to the physical I was well and truly spent.

Now that was an afternoon I won’t forget in a hurry.

I just lay there unable to move for a good fifteen minutes. I lay there until everyone else had shared their experience and it was my turn.

All I could do was say thank you.

It was life changing.

But not over yet.

Experience has taught me that the energy that was released will also now take a moment to settle and this kundalini energy was powerful and very, very strong.

It’s a clearing energy, and we heal to clear.

We clear to expand our conscious awareness, to raise our vibration but this means we need to clear the dirt first.

I knew the next few days, weeks, maybe even months would be uncomfortable and I prepared myself for the ride.

What happened next wasn’t something I expected either but true to form – dramatic, wild and unexpected.

 

SoulSutras 63

“The Divine Goddess Circle……..”

There were six goddesses all up.

All spoke their truth as to why they were there and all spoke their intentions of what we wanted to release and what we were willing to integrate.

I nearly died when Katrin said this session went for three hours!!!!

That’s a lot of kundalini energy.

Oh dear.

It was time to buckle up and get down to business.

The session was divided up and Katrin would make her way around to each one of us.

What I absolutely LOVE about her sessions is the soundtrack she chooses and the volume she plays it at.

It is brilliant and she tells me she puts the music together herself and was actually a rapper once. She’s a seriously cool chick. Look her up.

The music is at times tribal and manic and then more emotive and slow it flows effortlessly and she manages it perfectly.

A little bit of pace, to get things moving, followed by a slower pace for integration.

Apparently in this session I did have something to get off my chest.

And although it took a fair bit of coaxing to come out when it did – it was nothing short of extraordinary.

I have never felt so much anger, so much grief and so much pain.

It was spilling out of every part of my being.

Boy-Oh-Boy!

Yep.

She didn’t hold back.

This was old anger.

Old pain.

Old sadness.

My entire body was shaking and I was screaming into the pain, trying to disperse it, to heal it with sound.

And it went on.

And on.

And on.

And the goddesses so gracefully held the space for me.

To grieve and to heal.

I could let go, uninhibited with my sisters support and love and for that I am eternally grateful.

The sisterhood is a powerful beast.