“Facing The Fear……”
It was cold down at Bondi – a fierce wind was blowing up from the sea and it baffled me how those desperate surfers could be out there in such conditions.
I heard my name from behind and turned around to see a very gentle, smiling man – I immediately felt at peace.
We walked over to the soundproof music rooms.
“Oh God” I thought – “more screaming!”
We had a chat, one that would see me talking incessantly, skirting around the issue, not wanting to go there – open up Pandoras box…..again. Eventually I stopped talking and started listening.
He just said one word.
And this was what we would work on today, that and some bashing with a metre length of plastic pipe.
I will be honest – I’ve done a lot of that in the past and I just wanted to do the breath work.
In the last half an hour we gave it a go.
I knew it would be awesome – I love working with the breath.
It was different to anything I had done before.
I lay down on a mat and breathed in through an open mouth and out through an open mouth.
The facilitator, in this case Martin guided me through the process.
It was so fascinating.
It started almost straight away – and there it was – the fear…..deep, dark fear, lurking in a deep, dark place.
The session was amazing and in it Martin was trying to coax out my voice. He was asking me just to make a single sound from this place of fear and no matter how hard I tried absolutely nothing would come out.
I just kept thinking, “Just one sound, that’s all I have to do, make just one sound”.
The session ended and I hadn’t managed to make a single solitary sound, but I had connected with the fear.
This was the next challenge – to clear the fear out of the body and there was no other way to do it but to connect with it, clear it and heal it.
This was going to be hard.
Hard and uncomfortable.